Fiancee wants custody of daughter need help with beginning steps.

[lauren-c]

I have sole, physical, legal custody of my daughter with her biological father only seeing her with court ordered supervised visits 2 Saturdays a month.  My fiancee who has been helping me raise her since her 1st birthday (she is now 6) would like to adopt her after we get married.  We live in Massachusetts, does anyone know where I should even begin? Do I have to get permission from her biological father when he only has visitation rights and I have sole,physical,legal custody?

[mistoffolees]

Unless there's something really strange about MA, you will need permission from the biological father. A child can only have one legal father and the courts are very hesitant to strip someone of their parental rights without permission.

I almost adopted my SDs when I married my ex wife, so I considered this process. While I hope that you and your husband are happy forever, keep in mind that second marriages sometimes end, too, and he needs to consider that possibility. If your marriage ends, he will still have a legal obligation to support this child if he adopts her.

If the BF is not involved all that much, adoption doesn't really gain him that much (other than perhaps a tax deduction if the BF has it now). He can still support the child and be every bit as much a part of her life without adopting her. In the case of my SDs, I was a father to them in every way but name - and adoption wouldn't really have changed that.

[lauren-c]

Ok I wasn't sure since  I have the sole,physical, and legal custody of my daughter he only gets to see her 4hrs a month as his only right to her.  Thanks for the help

[Giggles]

You will need the Bio-Fathers permission.  How do you think he would respond?  I know he has supervised visits, does he use them?  Most importantly, hows does your DD feel about this?

Other important questions to ask is...would you cut communications off completely with the Bio-Father, how would your DD cope with that?

What about the Bio-fathers side of the family, are they involved with your DD?

[lauren-c]

He uses them most of the time when it's not interfering with his social life.  My daughter has grown up with my fiancee she knew him before she knew her bio-father.  She sees him more and has a stronger relationship.  She also refers to my fiancee as Daddy and her bio-father by his first name.  

If you tell her that her bio-father is her father she says no and says my fiancee is her father.  She was not told this from us.  

I would not cut off communication with her Bio-father as much as I feel he is a bad influcence it is up to her to make up her mind about him.

As for his family she is only allowed to see his son, her half brother.

[Giggles]

Because I was in a simular situation.  My YD didn't meet her bio-father until she was 6 y/o.  Before that she considered my X-BF to be her father since he had been in her life since she was 11 months old.  When X-BF and I split, he didn't want anything to do with my YD and this devestated her, shortly after that, her Paternal Grandfather (her bio-fathers Father) died.  Eventhough she never knew her Bio-father, I still maintained close contact with his family who just adored YD and when Pappy passed she was deeply affected by this.  Of course her Bio-father attended the funeral and that's when he came to me stating he had made a huge mistake and could he get to know YD.  So...my YD finally met her Bio-father.  I would love to say that he's quite active in her life, but the truth is, she doesn't see him much...mainly just on holidays and her b-day.

I think in your situation, I would approach the bio-father with your idea of having step-dad adopt her.  Get his feelings on the issue and do let him know that he will no longer be financially responsible.  Once you've done that then you'll know what course to take.  If he says no...then I might suggest you wait until she is a bit older and the court may take her desire into consideration.  If he says yes, then get an attorney and start the proceedings.