Need Help, Resources, Links Anything....

[Pained_in_PA]

Hi folks,

     First off, let me introduce myself and say thank you simply for the existence of a forum such as this. I know the pain that custody battles can cause, and when your feeling so completely alone and not sure what to do, it's nice to know that there are others out there who have been or are going through the exact same things and are willing to share their knowledge, experience, and concern.

     With that said, I'd like to ask the members of this forum for some advice in where to turn for help.

     You see, the love of my life and soon to be fiancee' has been trying desperately to get the father of their son to live up to his end of their joint legal and physical custody agreement to no avail.

     Their son is young, (under 10 years old) and is living with his father in Florida. His mother lives with me in Pennsylvania, and their custody agreement was issued in Michigan. And, while she has repeatedly made multiple attempts to see her son, his father backs out of or reneges every single time she thinks she has another agreement to get a visitation with their son.

     It's a classic case of him wanting to control every aspect of their son's time with her. He will ONLY let her see him if it's on his terms, and under his control. The worst part is, is that there is absolutely no reason for him to be like this. She is a wonderful person. She doesn't drink or do drugs, and the only reason she originally agreed to have their son live with his father is so that she could finish her college degree.

     She's not asking for a 50/50 split of time. She merely wants to see the son she so dearly loves.

      As one would expect, the constant battle is taking a huge toll on her emotionally, and it's breaking my heart to see her in so much pain. I've believed all along, and I think she's finally realized as well, that she'll probably have to take him to court, but we don't even know where to start. Do we hire a lawyer here in PA, in FLA, or back in MI?

     If anyone had ANY suggestions on where we could turn for some answers I would be highly appreciative. I'm just kind of lost, and I want so badly to make to help her see her son and end this constant pain.

Thank you all so much in advance,

-Pained_in_pa

[Giggles]

She will have to file in MI...but a few questions...

What does their agreement state regarding visitation?  Is it specific?  Does she have documentation of the denials?  How often does she have contact?

What could happen is if she does file in MI, then he (the X) could file for a change in venue therefore moving it down to FL since neither party is living in MI presently.

To be proactive, she should look at the articles in this forum and take advantage of the "example" pareting plans.  She wants to develope an extremely specific plan...shooting for the moon but knowing what she can compromise on.  Since she is long distance, it is not unheard of to have 8 weeks in the summer, spring break, part of Christmas break, etc.  Once a specific plan is in place, if the X tries to deny visits, then she can hold him in contempt.  Judges do not appreciate this type of behavior and too much of it could lead to a custody change...but that's putting the cart before the horse....

Lets start with what she has now...and go from there....

[Ref]

DH and I live in PA and BM and SD live in Florida. The old custody agreement said DH had "liberal visitation" with no specifics. BM used that to deny DH access to SD anytime she wanted.

DH went back to court. This is what he did. He hired a fantastic attorney. He got a copy of the standard visitation agreement for the county BM and SD live in and modified it so that it would make sense for the long distance. In Florida you have to go to mediation before you see the judge. They went to mediation and the mediator saw that DH wasn't asking much more than what a normal non-cutodial would ask for and convinced BM to sign...... Now signing and agreeing are two seperate things. She has not screwed with SD's visitation as much as she has brainwashed her into refusing to see us. That is besides the point though. It was great for 2+ years or so and we are hopeful that those years were enough so she will have good memories and maybe learned a few things she wouldn't have otherwise.

This is what he got. Any weekend he is in their town with 7 days notice, every other school break (they were spelled out in the agreement). Winter break was split in half with BM and DH alternating years. (one year we have Xmas the next we have New Years) and all summer break with the exception of the first 2 weeks and the last week. They also are to split the unaccompanied minor fees for the flights.

Anyway, when DH filed for visitation modification, BM immediately countersued for an increase in support. You should expect this. You can google "Child support calculator" and both the states and make guesses on what BF makes and you should be able to get an idea of what the increase is.

Just to let you know, this round of court cost DH a little over $5k. This was not a complicated case and they settled in mediation so it could have been worse.

Anyway, DH had a great attorney in Florida, so if BF lives in the Panhandle, send me a PM and I will forward his name.

Good luck with the battle...

Ref  

[Pained_in_PA]

Thank you Giggles,

From what I've read, (I've been googling like a fiend the past 24 hours) I believe as well that she'll have to file in MI first.

To answer your questions, A: their custody agreement/order simply declares that they have joint legal and physical custody and that all visitation agreements are to be worked out between them.  B: As far as the denials, it was primarily phone conversations between the two of them, although I have encouraged her to keep a diary of EVERY time she tries to see or contact her son, and what the BF says and does. There may be a few e-mails and/or myspace messages between them concerning these attempts, and I have suggested she print and save all those as well. C: She speaks with her son by phone, probably between one and three times a week, depending on her and the other parties schedules. Although being 5 he's not much of a phone talker and thus the conversations are usually short. :)

One hope I have is that because the BF has only lived in FLA for approximately 3 or months he will not be able to get a change of venue, as he wouldn't have been in FLA for the 6 months required for home state jurisdiction. That is if I understand custody law correctly.

Thank you again for the advice. We'll definitely be perusing this site and others, and try to get on the best legal footing possible before the actual court battle begins.

Best regards,

-PIP

[Pained_in_PA]

Thank you too Ref,

Your story has alleviated some of my fears, as your scenario is kind of what I figured would happen after researching it a little more.

I think my girlfriend would prefer full custody or actual 50/50 physical custody, considering the original agreement between the two of them was that she would have her son back after she finished school, and she graduated last December. However, I think she'll settle for summers and holidays, since other than being a jerk about this, the BF thankfully still doesn't seem like a "bad" father.

Obviously, we need to speak with a lawyer after Christmas, but I think your idea of asking for something reasonable from the get go is sound. After all, if the BF threatens or refuses, she can always counter with a stronger custodial request.

Thank you again, and you can expect a PM from me. I think we'll play it safe, and get that lawyer referral from you just in case. :)

-PiP

[Davy]

MI may be the original jurisdiction but no party continue to reside in the original jurisdiction which has lost jurisdiction.  Expedite matters and save attorneys fees by filing in FL.  Fl court may contact (allowed for in statues) MI (by phone) if it so wishes/or requested.

[Itsallaboutme]

Rewrite your parenting plan ( after getting original copy from Michigan) and file it in the mothers county. Go here //www.Kids-First.com and use their software. It is the best software around and it complys in all 50 states.