Ex-Wife Has Turned My Son Against Me!

[funsun68]

I live in Florida and my ex-wife and I have joint custody.  She was allowed by the court to move to Virginia, even though I protested.  I am suppose to have liberal access to my son who is ten years old.  I am also suppose to have him every other major holiday and for the entire summer.  She will not send him down here for the entire summer, she told me not to call him anymore because he is angry with me.  I have filed a motion for contempt pro se.  My son told me that he hates me and that I do not care for him and started calling me by my first name and he even told me to stop calling.  This happened on Tuesday the 11th of March.  I am totally heart broken and in despair.  We went through a nasty custody battle and I went broke fighting her and now she has turned my son against me.  An attorney wants $2,000 just for a limited appearance for the contempt hearing, but I don't think that is going to cover it.  Where do I turn now?

[gemini3]

Some resources for you:

http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com/

Books:

Divorce Casualties: Protecting Your Children from Parental Alienation by Douglas Darnall

Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent/Child Bond from a Vindictive Ex by Dr Richard a. Warshak

You have an alienator on your hands.  First and foremost - document everything.  Virginia is a one-party state, which means that you can record your phone conversations, and use them in court, without notifying her.  Print and file every e-mail interaction you have with her.  Use the intent to exercise visitation letter on this site, tell her that you will be there to pick up the child at _______ time on ______ day, and then go to get him.  If she refused to turn him over, go straight to the courthouse and file an emergency motion to show cause.  

I know how much this hurts.  My husband went through the same thing.  It's so important that you get the time with your son so that he has time to see that you're not the vile ogre that his mom is trying to make you out to be.  He needs time to develop his relationship with you.

What part of VA is she in?  Has she been there more than 6 months?  If so, you're going to have to file in VA.

[greatdad]

>Some resources for you:
>
>http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com/
>
>Books:
>
>Divorce Casualties: Protecting Your Children from Parental
>Alienation by Douglas Darnall
>
>Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent/Child Bond from a
>Vindictive Ex by Dr Richard a. Warshak
>
>You have an alienator on your hands.  First and foremost -
>document everything.  Virginia is a one-party state, which
>means that you can record your phone conversations, and use
>them in court, without notifying her.


Just because you can record something, does not mean you can play it in court. Opposing counsel will object and most Judges either don't want to hear it  and / or will not allow it. Don't bet your children on it!
It is good as a reference, or good to let police, cps, etc hear, but as far as court....not likely.

 Print and file every
>e-mail interaction you have with her.  Use the intent to
>exercise visitation letter on this site, tell her that you
>will be there to pick up the child at _______ time on ______
>day, and then go to get him.  If she refused to turn him over,
>go straight to the courthouse and file an emergency motion to
>show cause.  
>
>I know how much this hurts.  My husband went through the same
>thing.  It's so important that you get the time with your son
>so that he has time to see that you're not the vile ogre that
>his mom is trying to make you out to be.  He needs time to
>develop his relationship with you.
>
>What part of VA is she in?  Has she been there more than 6
>months?  If so, you're going to have to file in VA.

[gemini3]

We had no problem using recorded phone conversations in court.  As a matter of law, it is allowed.  Whether or not the judge wants to hear it is, of course, subjective.  As with everything else that occurs in the courtroom, it's up to the judges discretion.

I still recommend recording the conversations.  It's extremely useful against someone who lies in court.  You only have to get them to purjor themselves once to discredit their testimony.

I'm not recommending that he base his entire case on a recorded phone conversation.  It, obviously, is going to take a lot more than that.  I just think it's better to have them and not use them, than to need them and not have them.

[funsun68]

Thank you for the advice.  I already ordered Divorce Poison and Children Held Hostage.

My ex-wife lives in Fairfax, Virginia.  They  have been there about five years now.  She filed a registration under the UCCJA and I filed a protest.  When I filed the protest she filed a motion here in Florida for a change of venue.  We are waiting on a date for a hearing for both the motion for contempt and change of venue.

I decided today to pay the attorney for a limited appearance for these issues.  The attorney advised that the registration in Virginia is only for enforcement purposes and that is why she filed a motion here in Florida for a change of venue, which would allow her to change custody and visitation.

I have continued to call my son and leave messages, because they will not answer my calls.  I called his school to try and setup a meeting with his counselor and they refused to get involved.  My son is seeing a child therapist in Fairfax, but he refuses to speak with me for unknown reasons.  I do suspect that my ex-wife has disparaged me to him as with other doctors and my son's teachers and school staff.

I called child protective services in Fairfax and they refuse to do anything also.  I am going to try calling them again though.

Any other ideas?

[gemini3]

If you have joint legal custody of your child, I would send a copy of the letter that can be found on this site, requesting copies of all the child's school information.  Send it certified with a copy of your custody order to the schools principle and the school board for the county, and file a copy with the clerk of court to be kept in your file.  The school is legally required to release any and all information to you.  

We had to do this, and it took about 3 letters, and sending each teacher and school office a stack of self-addressed stamped envelopes, before we finally started getting what we were supposed to.  If the school counselor is refusing to talk to you, call the school board and complain.

We had a doozy of a therapist to deal with.  Are you carrying insurance for the child, or is the mother?

Send the therapist a certified letter stating that you have legal custody of the child, and that you wish to meet with him regarding your child's medical treatment.  If he refuses, send him a letter stating that you do not wish for him to treat your child, and file a complaint with the board of Social Services for ethical violations.  

If you have legal custody, the mother is required to consult with you regarding the child's medical care.  If the therapist refuses to meet with you, send her a letter stating that you do not agree to this therapist treating your child, and request another couselor.  Insist on being involved in the selection process, and find someone who is familiar with PA, PAS, and HAP.

You have to play hard ball with these people.  Many of them are all too willing to believe whatever they hear, and will unwittingly participate in the alienation of a child.  The one we had just had her license suspended, and she's being investigated for insurance fraud.