Legal authority

[dipper]

Situation:   Grandparents have primary custody for the past 11 months after sharing joint custody for 3 years.   It has been very difficult with joint legal as parties do not agree on anything.   Mother does not respond to important matters, but argues once a decision is made.   Public pre-k, mother argued but did not respond when it was brought up.   Mother had planned on sending child to public pre-k at age 3.


Now:  Child has had trouble adjusting and behavior issues.  We don't know how child would have reacted had mother not told her two days before school began that she and boyfriend were fixing up place for all of them to live in.    Mother filed for sole custody days later.  Child had to visit with GAL, whom she remembers from last year.   


Child study referral was made by speech therapist and I took the opportunity to file a referral for concerns with handwriting and behavior as well.    Mother attended child study and used the time to down us and try to reference everything as in some way our fault.   She fought any suggestions we made.  She threatened to leave the room more than once, but never budged.


Child's behavior worsened.   We emailed mother about possible assessment for ADHD and therapy. Mother did not respond.   The next week, when assessment was done, her only input was asking if teacher asked or if we asked for it.  I had been plain that I had requested and reminded her of email.  She claims she responded but will not forward response.    She is in agreement that therapy is necessary, but wants it closer to her.   I am okay as long as it is not someone she sees.   I want unbiased, local, and available soon, and someone that has been referred.  The place she has mentioned she says she knows nothing about.   The one referral I have had that can see child soon is over an hour away from mother.  Mother says we have to agree.


Okay....went to pediatric appointment and mother instantly went on attack, threatening to end meeting until her lawyer could attend....asking if I knew what HIPPA was.....she was stepping out if I did not stop.  Honestly, the doctor asked about family history and I said dad and mother have ADHD/ADD.   When mother spoke up that she would answer for herself, not me..  I did ask that we focus on child, but said I would let her answer for herself and I would stop.   I repeated this a few times as she continued to threaten the lawyer and HIPPA....


I feel she does these threats to take over the meeting.  Professionals do not want to be involved in legal matters.   They baby her after that to calm her.   She disagreed with everything I said; and made it about discipline style again.  She was rude and so was her mother.


They are not going to pay anything toward counseling.  There is no order for them to pay or to say they do not have to pay.   We have joint legal - if she is not going to pay, would I be within my rights to take child where is local for us and we have heard good things about?

[ocean]

Is the child study team through your local school district? They should do full testing that included a connor's scale for ADD/ADHD. What did the pediatrician say about going somewhere for testing?
Technically you have to inform the other party and then agree if you have joint legal. Maybe ask the judge for sole medical and educational custody as mother is interfering with any/all ways to get child help for ADD/ADHD. What does the Gal say? She may be able to help?

The child study team can make a decision without parent consent. It is a team decision not parent. What was decided at end of meeting?

[dipper]

We held a child study through our school district.   The child study team felt it was more of a settling in issue.  Yet, they continued to send home behavior contracts and daily reminders of her bad behavior.  I went through the pediatrician at that point. 


At the end of the pediatric appointment the only thing for sure is we are in agreement on counseling.  However, mother will not answer if she will pay anything toward it.   And more than likely we are not going to agree on a counselor.  Mother is adamant that she has to agree or it cannot happen. 


My attorney said to take child to counselor who can see her soon and that is best for our household and let mom know.  She can come if she chooses to. 


But, now we are looking at our case being pushed back.   Mother sent certified letter last week that she is moving in with her boyfriend on the day of trial.  Now, GAL says time is needed to investigate new home and the occupants living there.