NO VISITATION

[jkateydid]

Ok here is just a brief on what is going on! My Dh has a daughter whom is 12 years old now.She was born and has resided in the state of florida all her life.My husband has on a regular basis stayed in contact with her but its the same story,either she moves changes her number etc. My husband pays child support but it was ordered through the state of indiana because thats where we reside. we are getting ready to file for visitation in florida but we need advise on a plan as what to ask for seeing as he hasnt seen her since she was four years old, but has had regular phone visitation and sent gifts etc.the mother will not and refuses to let her come to indiana to spend a few weeks etc any advise seeing as this will be their first visitation together and what should he ask for in the beginning. Thanks JK

[NancyLou]

Basically, ask for the moon and let the court decide.

Or, you could go all the way and file a custody mod, asking for joint custody, which is doable even tho the parties live in different states.

In doing a custody mod, file a parenting plan with it, to show you are serious about the whole thing.

Joint custody will remove the EOW thing that never works when you are miles apart.

Also, ask for shared expenses when it comes to travel.  The child is now old enough to fly on her own, so long as there are no stopovers.

There are some articles on this site that address just your situation.

Were it me, I'd go for joint custody.  It gives you more time with your child.  You would get summers, school vacations, long weekends, etc.

Also, you may want to file along with the mod a motion to initiate reunification counseling.  You might also want to start taking short trips to Florida to have a short visit with her, so she isn't just slammed into an unfamiliar situation with people she's never met.

[mudbunnies]

first off i would suggest, determining what county she is in, and then getting that school board's calendar so you know what breaks/days off/summer and holidays she has, the courts almost ALWAYS allow the school calendar to dictate how visitations are handled....

btw, i'm in florida to, if you tell me where she lives i can help you locate the school disctrict and stuff and save on long distance calls...

you should expect that dad should travel for the first visit or 2 not the child, even though they have a phone relationship the first visit should be on dad... come see her... spend the night in a hotel so she feel close to home, even if she is 14 she may never have really travelled before, take her to the mall, or a movie, let her be a normal teenager and see that dad has no issue with that

then go for major holidays/summer/spring break...

i dont know of to many judges down here that will require her to travel long distance on a regular eow basis....

perhaps video tape your husband, or your house, or your yard with dad in it and send it to her with a christmas present so that she can SEE what dad looks like and dad's house etc, in other words your getting her more familiar with him and it will help her to feel more comfortable if she recognizes things...

make tape recordings of dad having a conversation with her and mail it inside a card with cool stickers....

keep us posted... will let you know if i come up with any other ideas..

[jkateydid]

First thing is First!!! Dad and I and siblings have met her me and my daughter took a trip in 98 and was able to visit with her the first time without dad. Second she has met her dad he has video tape of his previous visits but that was in 97 this is a long story but visitation is only when mom wants him to have it and he then he has to travel to Florida for those visits.We thought that maybe asking the judge to let us come dowe for a scheduled long week visit would be a great idea to start out with,and then asking the Bio Mom to travel half way and meet us at a state park so that we can spend another full weekend with her and then start the summer visits and maybe then even at christmas break. This is not a dad that has never tried to participate it is a dad that is been a victim of parent alienation. The child does in fact know us she has talked to both us and her siblings and grandparents etc they just will not her leave the state of florida. Thanks JK

[Mame]

Do you have joint legal custody?  If not, that would be the first thing to file for.  Also were they ever married?  That would make a huge difference with filing your tax return;  it did for my son.

We also have an interstate situation.  My granddaughter also is in Florida.  She is 10 & has been flying as an unaccompanied minor since she was 5.  

My son was in Florida this year after filing contempt against her for refusing to send this child for the visitations.  They spent several hours in mediation & worked out an agreement for visitation that so far she has followed.

I developed a comprehensive interstate parenting plan utilizing information from this website and others who shared theirs with me.  If you'd like I could send it to you.  

Mame