dead-beat dad

[nosonew]

To nerd: Everyone reacts differently and has had different situations in their life.  Who's to say that if Tulip doesn't let child see dad, the child won't turn around and be mad at HER later in life for all the times missed?  Which would be misdirected anger, but without Tulip telling her all the bad stuff about dad, (which no one should do) the child is going to question why she hasn't seen him, and maybe when she is 18 she will find dad, who will tell her that Tulip refused to let dad in her life.

 I am not saying that it won't be hard on this child, or Tulip, but if given a choice, and the other parent isn't physically or sexually abusive to the child, is just generally a loser and ass, the child would choose to see the other parent "whenever" than never.  And I believe Tulip even stated that the little girls loves her daddy.  Well, that says alot right there.  He's an ass and she still loves him.  So who are we, as the other parent, to take that little bit of love away from a child?

I truly hope that this man grows up, becomes a responsible father, and abides by the c.o. to see his child on a regular basis, for HER benefit.  I could care less about him.  

This is going to be a tough rode for Tulip and this little girl.  My best wishes are for you both.  

[Rambler]

oohhhhh.....

I think you really, REALLY need to be careful here.

If you talk to my ex, I could be the Deadbeat Dad (that term is gross and offensive) that the OP refers to.  We are currently back in court internationally, and she has defended her calling me a deadbeat dad beacuse "he pays no support and breaks his promises to the children and I, the Mother, have to fix their broken hearts."  So I guess that means I should be cut out from my kids' lives then, right?  In order to stop the emotional trauma on them.

or maybe not. . . .

A little more info.  The Mother up and disappeared with the kids, refused access.  Tried to leave the country we were livign in without notice, wanted supervised visitation, sat on her ass for 12 months while I footed an apartment and club in one of the most expensive cities in the world, lawyers to the tune of about $70,000, etc. etc. etc.  After running out of money (she had encouraged me to start a business 40 days before Houdini-ing), I arrived at an agreement in the middle of the trial.  She has since reneged on the agreement.  I am not able to foot the international flights to go see the kids, but am supposed to have daily telephone access, which is denied, the kids are busy, they are out, whatever.

So be really, really careful throwing around labels and opinions like this.  If my ex had come in here and posted that (I skimmed, and no I haven't been in jail, yet, but I have had debt collectors threaten it), you all would have been wholly wrong in your opinion.

Rambler

[tulip]

in my situation. I have never kept my child from her father. In fact I've told him many, many times that he can see her whenever he wants. He just chooses not to. When I lived w/him, he never did anything for me, financially--in fact, I supported him because he was paying so much support for his older kids. He had a different girlfriend the whole time I was pregnant, and when she dumped him a week before my due date, he called me. He was there when my daughter was born, and gone within an hour. He came back the next day to help decide on a name, and then went to the bar, and didn't come back until it time for me to go home. That day, he showed up late, drove me home, and left again. This is about how much concern he's had for me and OUR child for the last six years.

I am going to ask him if he will allow my husband to adopt her so he won't have to pay support anymore. Giving up the tiny amount of money he sometimes pays will be worth it for the peace of mind to know that my little girl will be taken care of and brought up right should anything happen to me. I just want this man out of my life.

[amarie]

I definately have to agree here.

For the most part of my life my dad was a loser( still no CS), and I knew it but I loved him, because he was my dad.  I think that access should not be denied, and that she will come upon her own conclusions about her father.

My dad grew up which is good, and because my mother had me keep contact with him (sometimes forceing me)  I got to see him grow up and now we are great friends..  He is also spoiling is grandchild mercilessly, I think because he feels kind of indebted to me..

Tulip, He will hopefully come around, some never do but some do..

One other thing is that now he is a Custodial Father and is finally realizing what it takes to actaully raise girls by himeself for the most part and that is where allot of the change came about.

amarie

[tulip]

If I see him in the hall before going into the courtroom, I am going to ask him to just let my husband adopt her, and relieve him of his obligation. At least then I would know that if something happened to me, she would be properly taken care of by the father that has been here to go to her school conferences and dance recitals and tuck her into bed every night. Then I would know that she couldn't be taken away from him by an alcoholic who has never once in his entire life had her best interest in mind.

I think he will say no way, and then I will go into the courtroom and tell the judge or panel that I am absolutely disgusted by the way he thinks he can just quit his job and then stop paying child support. I will show them how much money it costs to support my family, if that's what they want, but I don't think I should have to prove it costs money to raise a child. Isn't that common sense? All cs orders are based on the ncp's income, not the cp's expenses. Why should he just choose to change his income, and have his support adjusted accordingly.

Then when he asks me to come and pick her up again, I will tell him that he needs to show some kind of commitment to her before he can just come and get her. He can come over here, or meet somewhere to spend some time with her and prove that is interested in her. I'm not going to just let her go over to his house and eat candy and watch TV while he ignores her and then bring her back crying because they didn't get to visit long enough.

[sweetnsad]

I know exactly how you feel...my ex just shows up whenever it's convenient, and mind you, that ISN'T often.  And, when she is with him, he takes her home early because she's "lonely"...Ha!...it's because he can't stand to be responsible...he also sits her in front of the TV and gives her junk rather than good food...she has come home to us hungry, dirty, etc...And like I've said over and over, I've encouraged her relationship with her father, never denying him access to her....alot of good it does me.

My SO is a wonderful father to her and she just recently started calling him Daddy...and he loves it...and so do I.

I am all for mothers and fathers getting to watch their children grow up and be a major part of their lives, but if there is a NCP who doesn't even try, or who doesn't want to help support their child, then in my opinion, they shouldn't be a part of their child's life.

It takes effort and responsibility to be a good parent, and let's face it, some people just aren't cut out to be good parents....it's a reality.  So, let someone who truly loves them and cares for them take over and be there for them.  

Now remember, I'm talking about the NCP's that DON'T want to be there for their children, not the NCP's who do and are railroaded by the justice system, the CP, etc...there IS a difference.

It just makes more sense.