Need advice

[anton]

My ex has our kids every Tuesday and every other weekend. On his time with the kids, he takes them to his parents house on the long weekends. He has them over at his house on Tuesday nights. The court recently ordered I do half the travel. I have not done the travel prev since my ex decided to move closer to work than the kids. He moved 35 miles away, his parents 30 miles away, and because of that, he or his dad did all the travel. Since the court ordered me to do the pick up, I have picked the kids at my ex's house and once at Gma&Gpa's house. This morning I was instructed to go pick up the boys at G&G's house. This time they let me in the house, since the boys were not ready. I was shocked at how dirty the house was. Dirty is not the word for it, disgusting is more like it. They are pack rats and don't throw anything away. There were boxes and boxes everywhere. This is how they used to live, but I was told that the house was cleaned up, by me ex. I have not seen the house in almost a year. When I entered the house, I noticed a saw-zaw laying right beside the front door as you come in. The blade was not covered or protected at all. There was other tools right by the door in a bin with a router sitting on top. The kitchen had a "path" that you could walk into the main cooking part of the kitchen. The kitchen table and the surroundings had papers and endless boxes of stuff everywhere. It is worse than what I am explaining. You can't even get into the formal living and dining room area, it is covered from wall to wall with stuff. I did not see the upstairs or the downstairs, but the level that I was at, it was gross. The kids say the house is like that all around. The kids stay there with G & G every other weekend. My ex works on weekends, so he only spends about half the time with the kids on his weekend. He takes them to his parents to watch them. I have asked that they be brought home, but he told me that I can't tell him what to do while he has them. I don't know what to do about his parents house. It is completly unacceptable for the kids to live in that mess and dangerous as well. I have thought about going to social services, but we are still in the court system. Only a part of our court case was decided by the judge. The rest he wants us to go to mediation, which my ex has said he will not cooporate in mediation. But that is not for another couple of weeks and then we don't appear in front of the judge for another month. I don't want to appear like I am doing anything in spite, but the living conditions are untollerable. If I don't do anything, doesn't that make me look like an unfit parent for allowing the kids to live in that mess? Need some advice. Please help!

[Peanutsdad]

Next time the kids are there, you can call the police for a concern for welfare,, and hopefully they will chack out the home.

Other than that, your options are file a new motion based on the living conditions at their home. I have to warn you tho,, it would have to be damn near in a condemned condition in order to go anywhere.

Essentially, once you file a motion,, and request a home visit, whats gonna happen is they'll clean up the house, the social worker will come out and report nothing to be concerned about. BUT, you accomplish what you want,, the home gets straightened out.

[anton]

Thanks for the info.  Seriously, it would take a minimum of a month or a month and a half to have the house in livable conditions working 8 hours a day.  It really is that bad.  I have since talked to my lawyer and was advised to wait until we go to mediation and talk about the living conditions at the meeting.  Will mediation do anything about it?  If we talk about it and my ex says the kids will go to their grandparents anyway, will the meadiator order a welfare check?  Does anyone know?  Also, my attorny said that my ex will be extreamly upset with me and all negotiations will probably end.  (Not like they would have a chance to begin with.)  Will everything then be determind by the judge when we go back to court?

[Peanutsdad]

Mediation really has no power to do anything. It's merely an avenue to iron out differences if you can.

Bringing the issue to mediation lets the other side know you have serious issues with the living conditions and lets them have that opportunity to straighten it up without you having to spend coin on your attorney to file motions to that effect. I imagine thats what your attrnys plan is,, cheap way to get the desired effect.

Should negotiations break down, then yes, the judge will make all the decisions,, and frankly,, in too many cases, neither side likes THAT result,, unless the evidense is overwhelmingly in favor of one parent.

[baron11]

I wish you the best of luck.  I am not trying to put a damper on your spirits.  During my year of separation I let me ex-wife live in the house and paid most of the bills including the mortgage, land payment and car payments etc.  The house was a mess.  The was cat urine everywhere.  There was cat feces everywhere.  There were 8 cats in the house.  I came over to check on the house while she was on vacation because the outside was totally over-grown.  The inside was a disaster.  The fridge had more rotten food than good food.  Many of the windows were open to let the smell out.  She had 5 kitten running around whom the neighbors wound up getting rid of for her.  I had two friends come over who were police officers they said they had seen worse, but in those cases the children were taken away.  I called my ex's mother and told her about the house, I tried to say it is as kindly as I could.  Her daughter has the capacity to be good mother, but right now something is wrong.  I think its the alcohol. (WARNING, never talk about an alcoholic to another alcoholic)  So her mother says, what do you want me to do?  I tell her I would like her to see how the children are living.  She told me the phone call was not necessary and hung up.  I found out later that my ex's mother, sister and sister's boyfriend showed up to clean up the place.  When I called Social Services the next time this happened, they would not come out the place because of the age of the children.  They said, over the phone, that there is no risk to the children.  Figure THAT one out!  Social Services treated me as if I were doing something wrong.  At any rate the lesson I learned was this.  Don't call social services for something like this.  Don't call the police either, CALL THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT!  Good Luck.