Another visitation blunder.

[hltharp]

I am a step mother to two great kids, a girl and a boy, ages 9, and 7.  My husband and I have a child together, and I have a daughter from a previous marriage, well........... to make a long story short, we live in Michigan, and we are planning to move to Arkansas in a few months.  The BM says that anything over two weeks in the summer will be devastating to the children, we want them for the whole summer if possible (and rotate breaks). She says my husband is being selfish, but I don't see that at all, all we are asking is 2-3 months, and she gets the rest.  The kids have a lot of family down there also that they do not get to see much, and there are so many things for them to do.  What do you think?? Are we being unfair?? Oh by the way, her mother (BM's) came over to our house on Wed., and pretty much told us off, and also told us that she would go bankrupt to stop the kids from going with us that long by hiring a great lawyer.  We were very civil to her, and we never said a ill word to her, but man, we wish we did!!  The story is a little more complicated than that, but I won't go there.  So, Is two weeks enough ? or should we be able to spend some great quality time with our kids or most of the summer??? We want the best for everyone around.......... but it looks like it is going to get ugly!!!  I just wish fathers would not get shafted everytime, it's not fair!!

Thank you in advance!!

Heather

[Kitty C.]

DS used to spend ALL summer (one week after school was out to one week before school started) with his dad in CA...we're in IA.  I say 'used to' because his dad died 2 years ago, while DS was spending the summer with him.

DS only spent every summer and EO Christmas with his dad.  It used to upset me that he couldn't be involved in anything here during the summer, like baseball (he's got a great pitching arm), Scouts, and other things.  He never had swim lessons every year, either.

But a couple months after his dad died, I asked him, that if he had it to do all over, would he have wanted to stay here more to participate or spend all summer with his dad.  His answer: 'There's no question, Mom.  I'd be with Dad!'  Last 4th of July was the first one I've spent with him since 1994.  But I'd give up EVERY summer with him if it meant he'd get his Daddy back.

The BM sees your DH as ONLY a visitor, not a parent to their kids.  The judge who ruled in our case was the one who ordered the all summer visitation.  It can and does happen and there's NO other way that a child can maintain a LD relationship with the other parent without extended time in the summer, IMO.  She needs to be reminded that you aren't asking this to get back at HER, it's to strengthen your relationship with the kids.  No, all summer is NOT too much to ask and make damn sure that you demand nothing less!

[hltharp]

Wow!!! You are totally right, thank you!!  Oh I forgot to mention I think, that in the divorce decree it clearly states that when he was going to move to Florida, he could have them all summer long.  It was a court order, but he never moved to Florida.  Arkansas is a little closer also, (where we are going) now the BM wants to fight it.  The kids are older now, so whats the difference??? Goodness..........  She was okay with it before, now she wants to throw a fit about it, and she had the gull to ask him if he ws going to sign off, yeah right!!!
I am so sorry for the loss, and you brought up some great points, and made me realize so short life can be.  I just hope the BM can understand everything too, we are not doing this to hurt anyone.

We will fight!! I'll help make sure if it, thank you.

[Imom]

This is the same with us, ss spends from one week after school ends until one week before school starts again with his bm, e/o christmas, PLUS anythime he  is out of school longer then three days which here where we live in Indiana is spring break which is 9 days, and Thanksgiving which is only Wed. after school until Sunday at 8am. And last year was the first year she took it (Thanksgiving) she lives 9hrs (one way) away.  SS is 8 (9 in July) and he loves to go with mom he gets to spend more time then most we have guidelines her in Indiana and they call for only 7 weeks of summer, spring break (but you may not get both weekends, depends on how far away you are, the further the less) 7 days at x-mas. We offered to split x-mas every year we told he she could have 8 days every year even if that shorted us a day some times, or if we had to take split days to give her 8 straight days in a row. She said no because she doesn't get to spend that much time with him anyway?