expecting denied visitation

[littlebit]

I am supposed to pick up son Friday.  He is with me the 1st, 2nd and 3rd weekends.  BM refuses our time together whenever it suits her whim.  I am expecting that she will pull something this weekend since she knows we have been planning a family trip that cannot be re-scheduled.

Here are a few facts:
-BM is serious PAS case
-I filed for change of custody & contempt in Feb (court should be around end of year)
-she filed for TRO 3 weeks ago; it was thrown out, PLUS, judge ordered her to allow me phone calls with my son
-she continues to defy judges orders
---too much detail to go into---

Here is my dilemma:  I am getting completely discouraged!  I do not want her to ruin our plans anymore!  It not only affects me & my son, it sours the trip for my wife and our other children too.  I hate having to plan our lives around this crazy woman and her psychotic behaviors!

As you all know, there seems to be NO recourse...sure I can call the police.  They will do what they have done every time before & tell me to go back to court.  The last time (which was when she denied us our spring break together), I specifically asked the policeman "So when we go back to court, and I get yet another piece of paper that specifies my time with my son, and she will still not let him come, will you be able to do anything about it?"   His reply: "No, you'll have to go back to court."

What the F***!?!?  Why am I spending all this time, money, and heartache if nothing will ever change?!  It has been 4 years now since she took my son away and I am running on empty.  Why can't she just leave us alone!  Can she not see how she is hurting our child!?  What kind of mother does this!?  How have I become so helpless!?

[maxwell]

Your situation sounds awful. BM of my son did this to her 2nd husband and his child after he came 700 miles and he had to drag her into court on an Emergency hearing. The court ordered her to comply else contempt. I suspect you can do the same (and maybe have) if you have a court order that specifies the visitation schedule.  I would hope that the court would acknowledge the difficulty of your situation and try to help but I guess thats not always the case.
good luck!

[mango]

I read someplace that after you file contempt, ans she is found in contempt that you need to have written in the plan a recourse for her actions. A strickter penalty, because judges willnever put eh mother in hail.

Also write a letter of intent to exercise your visit. SO there is no question you are planning the visit.

It sucks, I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

[Peanutsdad]

You are only helpless and running on empty if you think you are. She's counting on that.

You continue to document, call the police,, not to have them enforce,, but to DOCUMENT the contempt. Always ALWAYS ALWAYS remain calm, and respectful with the police. Commiserate with them about their discomfort in having to respond to this. Let them know, you dont expect them to get your child, but just want the documented call outs and reports for court. You'll find them to be much more cooperative with you. Keep in mind,, most of them are men, and as such,, its almost a sure bet, they also either ARE a dad in your shoes, or know guys on the force like you.

Every time,, file another contempt. Sooner or later, the judge is gonna see his docket filling up with her nonsense and WILL blow a gasket. It WILL come home to rest sooner or later. Keep the faith, keep fighting.



Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm


 http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm



One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.


 Contempt, Child Support Enforcement and You
This article will address what exactly contempt of court means to you, and more importantly, what to do about it.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/contempt.htm

[nosonew]

Does your son go to school?  If he does, go get him out of school after lunch.  It is your weekend after all, you are the father, just go get him!  I don't care if your papers say 5pm or from after school, I think the judge will understand!  Don't let it ruin your weekend, and that of your new family, just go get him.  If he is in daycare, go get him there!  Best wishes on your trip and I hope VERY much you get him and have a great weekend!

[tryingtohelp]

no...think twice before you do what 'nosonew' is recommending.  judges don't understand.  go by whatever guidelines you have in your parenting plan.  i know it sucks.  but i also know that if you do something you aren't allowed to do, it will suck more when you are in court trying fight her.  It will only give her ammunition.  You have to keep the big picture in mind...which is winning.  Your planned vacation is not the big picture.  I know it will be a big disapointment, and I understand your frustration and pain.  But you've got to do what it takes to win.

[littlebit]

Thanks everyone for the support, as always.  I think I will vent a bit more if all will indulge me....

Can't pick up from school because he (10 yr old) doesn't go to school anymore!  BM secretely took him out last year so she could "home-school" him.  After trying unsuccessfully to bar me from his school functions through the BOE, she just removed him from the school system altogether!  She found yet another way to keep us apart for her own narcissistic reasons.  Now we can no longer share lunches together, field trips, Christmas plays, report cards, class projects, etc etc etc!  She is really sick.

So far I have taken the high road every time.  The "big picture" is getting clouded by all the smaller details though.  Thanks for the reminder.

[tryingtohelp]

I know it sucks.  I am living through this too.  My husband, is a good father - but didn't do anything right.  His ex was always 50 steps ahead of him and probably always will be.  He has violated the parenting plan - but not on purpose - it was an extenuating circumstance of illness.  Still - the judge won't care. Never-the-less he has dug his hole so deep and has empowered her so much - that at this point fighting is nearly useless - it is going to take a large amount of resources, will, and luck.  He is in complete denial about what has happened.  And unfortunately this has become a black cloud over our future for reasons that are too detailed to go into here.

You seem to be more educated than he was about the rules of this war.  My husband didn't get Optimal, didn't save emails, didn't document anything.  Didn't consult better lawyers.  Didn't get thereapy.  Nor did he find this website....I did it all.  All I could do was help show him the way - he will have to make his own decision on his course of action.  But it doesn't look good because he continues to be completely arrested by this situation.

Despite the painful process, you sound like you have the opportunity to be in control in the long term.  There is someone on this site who goes by the name Gipsy....read his posts...if you haven't already.  Do you have a parenting plan in place?  Is it specific enough?  If it is too vague then you need to change it to better benefit your parental rights.  

In the meantime, if you can afford it, therapy might be helpful.  I wish you the best of luck.

[Rysimps0419]

My heart goes out to you. I will tell you what I have learned and that is go for scheduled visitation, that way it is very clear and in black and white. If she does not comply you can take her back to court on an energency hearing and put an end to this. They will hold her in contempt the very first time. Make a paper trail and call the police out every time she denies you. I think what needs to happen here is we all need to be heard on a larger scale. I am going do everything in my power to make this happen. You see I am finding out that they are quicker to excerise the woman rights much faster than the mans. I want to know why?  I don't work at the moment and I plan on spending as much time on this as I can. This is a nightmare for you guys and in noway should any of you have to go through this. A child is not someones property he is an individual who has the right to grow up knowing and loving both parents. The only good news and I am talking from experience here is that if you continue trying one day your son will resent his mother for keeping him away from you and she will lose. My son has nothing to do with his father and he is now 22. Not anything to do on my part beacause knowing what a bad father he was and all the trouble he caused I stayed quiet and still let him be a part of my childrens life. He misses out now because neither one of my children have much contact with him and they made that decsion for themselves. Just love your son as much as you can and never never go down to her level.  And never ever give up. Good luck.

Sandy

[Troubledmom]

**I am supposed to pick up son Friday. He is with me the 1st, 2nd and 3rd weekends. **

Technically this Friday having been the 30th, it is not the 1st weekend, therefore she would not be in contempt of the court orders.

Just an observation...

TM