Help - Need Further Advice On Meeting With DH's Ex

[SallyandJack]

good point but we met with her together on April 30th.  so it isn't that he is refusing to meet with her generally but while he is in the hospital it is completely inappropriate. she is not a friend...in fact everything she has done has been adversarial towards him.  so why in the world should she come to the hospital?   i don't know if we can get a doctors note, i'll keep it in mind.  he has MS and stress is not good for him.  there must be some asshole judges out there to have to cya on something that is just common sense.

but thanks for the idea, i will definately keep it under advisement.  also, I have already drafted a certification for court where I mentioned that it is almost certain that the stress of this situation has had a negative impact on his condition.  and now that I think of it, he is seeing a therapist while he is in the hospital...one who deals with neurological diseases...I will definately mention this idea.

[nosonew]

Glad to hear it!  I would think your docs would be willing to write something up, stress isn't good for most illnesses, and I would think MS would be one that is a no-brainer.  Kudo's to you for helping out, I know it's not easy! Sounds like one lucky guy!

[SallyandJack]

thank you again.  

this thing has been taking over our lives.  I just want it to end.  even though i don't want to be involved I have to do what I can before I give up.

[Kitty C.]

Don't rule it out quite yet.  If it is proven that stress can increase the severity of MS symptoms, you CAN still get a letter from the doctor stating as such.  So he has met with her outside the hospital, it really makes his subsequent hospitalization PROVE that point!  Just a general letter from his primary MD eluding that he needs to significantly reduce the stress in his life would go a long ways.

Then your atty. can reiterate in court that the ONLY way for the stress to be reduced is for them both to get along for the sake of their child and that he has constant and continuous contact.

As far as it ending, don't go looking for that light at the end of the tunnel yet.  This can even go on well after kids graduate and live on their own.  Especially when you're talking about situations where the daughter wants Daddy to walk her down the aisle and the BM pitches a fit and refuses to attend.  Happens more often than you think!

[SallyandJack]

yes - we will definately be getting notes from the doctors.  It is a very good idea - I am not ruling it out at all.

And I know that there will always be problems, unfortunately.  His ex likes to boil pots and she is a terrible bully.  But unless my husband gets over this first hurdle sucessfully,  he will never be able to deal with those future problems.  And I can only do so much...the rest will be up to him.

[SallyandJack]

i just spoke with his doctor and she will do a note.  :-)

[nosonew]

Yippeee!  I'm a nurse, or wouldn't have thought of it!  Good luck, keep us posted!

[SallyandJack]

yes, thank you.

u know, we aren't even asking for full custody.  my husband simply wants to see his child without these continual hindrances.

you would think that this woman would choose her fights more wisely. i am so sick of these crazy ex's.  I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found this board as an outlet.  plus, we were totally unequipped with how to handle this.  i have learned so much sinced I joined here.

[gipsy]

Sometimes atty's don't tell you the obvious , Read the parenting plan ,  I Won't go get Mine so I can quote it, But, there is a section On dispute resolution , And basically thats what the court puts in there and what they want you to do before coming back before the judge , What ever you do , Read that first , Here is basically what Mine looks like . And what you do, And what I did,
    Section whatever parenting plan
       : dispute resolution
    1 if the parties dispute any issue , the process for dispute must be complete before returning to court ,
    That the moving party ,apply for Dispute resolution process at
   Pierce county center for dispute resolution
      If: One party refuses  to participate or is deemed to frustrate the  
  The process, that party will pay the  other parties atty fees .
   If no resolution to the problem then a report must be filed with the court before returning to the court ,,
   
    What happened to me , The mother was pulling all the similar crappola , SSOOOOO , what the center for dipute resolution does is . Sends A copy to You and the other party That says , XXX party did not respond ,
   If  You don't reach an agreement at resolution , they send a report that say's parties did not reach an agreement ,
   Soo it doesn't say much About whom did what ,
    BUT !!!! the best thing was that the psycho did not respond , So Thats when  My atty set a  court date , And it makes her look stupid for not going by the courts process , And Like there are only so many arguments that atty's have , I Will basically garuntee that Your atty will file the paper that say's she did not attend , And say that , My client now has to ask the court to settle the issue , and the court will be very likely to let you be the supervisor ,
    Also this is all a simple process , In Wash state , Your atty should just go File ,  a MODIFICATION OF THE PARENTING PLAN .Naming a couple of supervisor's  and  MOTION TO APPOINT A GUARDIAN AD LITEM . ,that way if psycho disagree's , then the GAL just will talk to her and you and your witnesses that will say you are a member of the community in good standing , And the GAL will look at the situation and  if GAL say's That you can be the supervisor or not and I suggest You ask for several people to be back up supervisor's . As to not have to go through this process again ,,And In WASH STATE , the guardian ad litem then will report this to the judge ,  If YOU keep your cool and just follow the courts process , then You should win , the best thing you can do is let her pull all this shit and do what Your atty advises , KEEP COOL , The worst things I did was to react , the problem then becomes ,, The judge can't decipher who's the culprit . Let her be difficult, you be the martyr , As I Have written before , I wonder what would have happend in my case if I would have just went on with my case and kept my nose clean , The BIG BIG problem with these types is that IF you do anything they will exploit it to such a degree that it is unrecognizeable , KEEEP COOOOL!!!! And do what Your atty say's, ask the atty what the parenting plan say's you are to do with disputes or, read the plan your self , Then call the atty and Talk about the process that I have laid out before you .
   I had all the similar BS , And had to use this process , For the most part I did ok , You just want the system to get the Idea that You are a good parent , and so is your hubby , It's very hard to keep your mouth to a minimum about what a jackass the other parent is , BUT Listen to this , Let the system figure it out . If you bitch about the other person they see it as a personal issue , I went throught the whole process , And it didn't really matter to them at all ,except  they saw it all as conflict , Unless there is something proveabley wrong with the psycho , then leave it out , Just be the good person and say , We want visits and I have met with her , She was a bit challenging . And I had enough so I will let the court take care of this issue , [OF COURSE ] talk to your atty , But let me give you  the best example
      Went to court because psycho wouldn't let me see my son very much and she wouldn't go to dispute resolution
   Here's the play In the actors guild
       My atty :: Iv'e brought this motion and parenting plan to the court so MR XXX Can see his son more often , the mother is making allegations And there is a GAL report ,
      Her ATTY : BLAH BLAH BLAH , Bad father BLAH

     Commissioner Dicke:     Looks down reads the GAL report , ( wich say's) Basically MR XXX Can see his Son , I talked to his  witnesses they were his nieghbors and checked police reports there Is nothing to substantiate the mothers allegations
     Commissioner Dicke : What's The dad saying ,
     My atty" Dad says he wants to see his son "
       Commissioner Dicke ; Smiles at Me
     Commissioner Dicke , What the Mom saying again
    Her asshole atty: BLAH BLAH
     Commissioner Dicke ; Looks away from her atty at Mine ; What does the DAd want .
 I said what I want for visits ,They decided right there based on My schedule and ability to see my son , And I got the visits ,
   I know this is a long post , But I see peoples turmoil . And I have been through this Ball busting system , And the deal is they do it this way so Because the judges and commissioners have better things to do than deal with visittation issues so they ship the home work assignment out to the GAL , And the GAL reports and thats the end of it , So unlees theres a reason the GAl finds that You cannot be the supervisor , Like you are a Pedophile or physically unable then that will be the end of it , I know the frustration of this , But don't let it get you down , Just Use the process , And be the good one and thats all folks ,
  And By the way My sickos allegations ranged from pedophilia to domestic violence , to smoking around the child to ad infinitum , the court is use to this crap its day in and day out , I think they ar so use to it that , In my opinion they overlook a few things , the court generally knows difficult jerkS and allegations are justa disease of the legal system ,
     

[SallyandJack]

gipsy

I have followed your posts carefully and your are the one who made me realize that my dh needs a more defined parenting plan.  I commend you for what you did and I appreciate what you say 100%.  In fact, what you have said in your previous posts have helped me more than any other posts out there.

That being said, my dh has no clause in his parenting plan as to dispute resolution.  Maybe this is because we are in different states.

We are going to court...unfortunately it is the only way.  We have been nothing but nice during this situation.  And my husband is a very good father.  He has religously visited his daughter over the past three years and there are plenty of things he can say to attest to their special bond.

But again, god bless you.  Your experience is definately a testiment and again, I have drawn wisdom from what you have posted.  thank you