Restricting telephone calls to my children

[Lumberjack98]

My ex has had primary custody of our two children (ages 12 and 16) here in North Carolina for the 10 years of our divorce and recently has decided that I should only talk to them on the phone every other day and has decided I cannot call them the cell phone my daughter has.  This seems to have been prompted by her 2-year, live-in fiance and due a control issue she is having.  I typically call during hours I think the kids would be home and early enough that no one is in bed.  I want to find out if she can restrict me from calling (nothing is spelled out about phone calls in our papers), and if not what I can do about it if it continues.  Also, she is claiming that I call 2-3 times a day (which I don't) and is considering it harassement.  Do I need to be aware of some tactic she is trying to use here?

Thanks for any input,  Bill in NC

[Kitty C.]

Copies of your phone records will be proof enough of how often you call.  You might want to remind her that it's EASY to prove and if she still wants to head in that direction, she could be nailed for filing false charges.  In some places, the punishment for that is jail.  But for the most part, she's blowing smoke up your backside.  Do NOT show her your phone records, let her bury herself and press the charges if she so chooses.  It's her ass, not yours.

As for how often you can call, if you have nothing in the CO pertaining to it, you're screwed.  If she does push this issue, this would be the time to get that modified.

[joni]

 
Remember, you got to lay down to be a doormat.  Stand your ground and keep what you're entitled to.  Don't let your Ex and her new man sabotage your relationship with your kids.

[Lumberjack98]

Thanks for the input.

[smtotwo]

when we went for modification of visitation we added to the order 3 things about phone contact

1)  phone contact will be every tues and thurs between 7-8 pm

2)  all calls will be recorded

3) the phone calls may not be monitored by the ex, the children MUST be given privacy when the calls are made

If your state allows, start recording ALL calls between yourself and the ex and the children.  

If you live in a "one-party" state DON'T tell anyone you're recording

however, if you live in a "2-party" state you must inform her at least once that ALL calls will be recorded.  

I would only tell her once, on the first recorded phone call that all calls will be recorded.

Don't mention it again.  Given enough rope she will hang herself.


Good luck

[Lumberjack98]

Interesting.  I like your point three, since my kids are always interrupted on the phone or corrected while we're talking.  

Oh, and just to add a little fuel to the fire, my ex and her fiance left for California with the kids on my weekend for a week vacation.  I got a surprise phone message Friday morning that they were boarding the plane.  All after I wouldn't give up my weekend with them due to a commitment the kids and I had.

[Wishing]

I had the same problem but only for the last 2 years. I made it a point to document all my calls whether I spoke to them or not. Also, I made it a point to tell my sons that I would call every night at 7:00pm. The key on this one is that you have to do it. If their Mom turned off the ringer, picked up and hung up, or just didn't answer - my sons knew it was me who was calling. After a while, my sons (10 & 7) started to complain to her - she had been caught numerous times deleting a message or hanging up on me. Guess the embarrassment finally caught up with her. That and an email showing her the documentation of all attempted calls over a 7 week period.

Good luck and don't give up.

[Bolivar OH]

Child Visitation/Holiday/Vacation Rules in importance for my County in Ohio:
1.   Schedule Holidays
2.   Vacation
3.   Regular Visitation

We must give 45 day notice for Vacation.
We can NOT take Vacation over the other parents Schedule Holiday.
We CAN take Vacation over the other parents Regular Visitation.

What is your Child Visitation rules?

[rebecca]

What is a reasonable amount of phone calls in a 50/50 joint custody arrangement?  

[nosonew]

Your kids are old enough to know and memorize your phone number. Can they not call you?  I would strongly suggest that you ask the kids to call you every other night, and you call them every other night.  My son's dad (whom I get along with great), used to call son all the time, I had no problem with it, but my son DID.  He said, "He just calls and calls, heck, I talk to him more than I talk to YOU and I live with YOU!"

The younger one may love your calls, the older one....depends on her social schedule.  

The stepmom shouldn't have a say if you call at reasonable times. And if they are stating you shouldn't call daughters cell phone, that is certainly a control thing.  I bought my ss his own phone line so his mother could call unrestricted, and he call her unrestricted.  She used to call 3x day, now he is lucky if she calls once per week.  

Good luck, I know you mean well, and parents should have unrestricted phone access to their children, within reason, of course.  

I have no suggestions regarding legalities.  If you take it to court, the judge is likely to tell you to call on Thurs eve from 7-7:30pm only.  I guess you would have to take your chances there....of course, judges tend to give moms more than they would ever give a dad.