update--supervised visitation

[tulip]

Three weeks ago, BM came over uninvited and forced her way into my home. The kids were in bed, but not sleeping yet, and heard everything. The police came and told me they considered arresting me for assault. All I  had done to her was push her to try and keep her from entering my home. The next day dh filed an OFP. Two days later, BM checked into treatment (she is a meth addict). Three days later, she checked out of treatment.

Monday we went to court on OFP. The judge looked at her and said "if even half of these allegations are true, you are terrifying your family." She said they're not "all true" and went on to claim that dh has been denying her access to the children, refusing her visitation, not answering the phone when she calls. The judge said "You're track record with this court is not good. You sat here and told me you're not using and then tested higher than a kite."

I am so glad that she brought my neighbor with her to see that. The family next door has been treating us just horrible because they think it's so wrong that we try to protect the kids from this PBFH.

Now she has supervised visits with the kids e/o Sat and Sun (not overnight) she has to have another adult there that they both agree on, and can't call more than once a day. These visits are conditioned upon her passing drug tests regularly. When we can see that she is determined to stay sober, and not using her time to mentally abuse the kids, dh will increase her time. She thinks that should happen really fast, and so are the kids hoping. I'm thinking at least several months.

[Peanutsdad]

Tulip,, I aint tellin ya'll anything you dont know,, take it one day at a time,, and the pace,, is really up to crankhead. Shes gotta be clean.

[tracylee]

Interesting stuff.  We are in the same situation.  We have emergency custody of my husbands 3 kids (ages 12 to 9). His ex is doing meth, also.  We were fortunate enough to have her fail her drug test during the emergency hearing, AFTER she lied and said she had never did any illegal drugs of any kind.  Was it an open and shut custody battle after she tested positive for meth?  I am curious how it was for you.  Our attorney says the "ball is ours, and she has to take it away from us" by proving herself to be a fit mother.  She has been doing meth for 2 years and we are getting her best friend to testify to that fact.  Please let me know how easy, or not, it was for you during your court hearing.  Thank you...Tracylee

[hisliltulip]

Tulip,
I am so happy you updated us.  I kept checking the boards for any updates from you.

I agree with you that it should be several months of consistently clean tests before she gets more visits.  And QUITE a while before any of them are overnights.

Stay strong, I know this has been trying for you and your family.

It's awesome that the judge FINALLY made the visits supervised.  Those kids were in jeopardy for entirely too long!

((((Your Family))))


Beth

[lucky]

Oh, I am so glad for you guys and those poor kids!!!

Let us know how it goes!

((((TULIP & FAMILY))))

[tulip]

Well, I don't know what it's like wherever you are but, where we live, meth is a HUGE problem. It's all over the news, and the last series of reports we saw on meth babies was filmed in my hometown. DH had contacted the drug task force, following the advice of the school social worker, and was told that they can't do anything, they don't have enough staff to follow every user around here. But he did tell him that our county moves swiftly to permantly remove custody from meth addicted mothers because they don't quit, and the courts are sick of it.

BM told dh that she was goingt to give him custody the day she got her test results. She denied it in court, then tested positive three times, then quit taking the random tests. If she had showed up in court, I'm pretty sure the judge would have given him at the very least temp custody until she could prove she was sober. How are you getting her best friend to testify against her? I think that's interesting because we got a lot of information about bm from her "best friend." They're not friends anymore because bm started sleeping with "best friend's" boyfriend to get free drugs.

When dh called court services to see if he could get her test results to back up the OFP, the woman there was very surprised that the judge did not take away her visitation already. Our lawyer had told us that because she signed the custody stipulation (she did it 15 minutes before court to avoid facing that judge again) it was a settlement. Legally, the judge couldn't change anything that wasn't addressed in that settlement without her knowledge.

Lesson learned. When dh signed the agreement, we assumed that visitation would be at his discretion because it wasn't addressed in the order. We found out that because it wasn't addressed, it went back to the last order.

Now that she gave up custody permanantly, she will not be able to get it back by proving she is sober. She may be able to get some visitation back, but not change custody unless she can prove they are endangered in our home. Yeah, good luck with that.

[tulip]

Your advice and encouragement has really helped me out through all this. Right now I am in therapy, trying to get over the anger, fear, and depression this has caused me. I'm repairing the damage this monster has done to my marriage.

The kids are really sad about not being with their mom anymore, and having to face the reality of her addiction. But at the same time, I think they are somewhat relieved that they don't have to be afraid anymore. She can't use her control of them to get revenge on their dad. They are scheduled for counseling the first week of July. The reason they have to wait is to see the person recommended by the school counselor. When I called to schedule appt, they said her schedule was full, but they could get in to see someone else right away, when I told them the situation, they said oh, then they really should see her.

[tracylee]

LK (my husbands ex) and CH (LH's best friend)...as they will now be known.  CH was tired of LK blaming her for her drug habit.  When all this came down, LK tried to tell everyone that CH was a bad influence and was the one keeping her involved in the drugs.  NOT TRUE.  LK was CH's supplier.....CH went into rehab and has been clean for 3 months, but even if she wanted to get any, she couldn't because LK was her only connection.  In other words, LK was trying to get sympathy from anyone that would listen and CH got tired of it.  Ch wants to do right by the kids and she knows that LK is never going to stop.  LK won't even admit she has a problem and every time she opens her mouth another lie comes out. So, CH is not necessarily testifying AGAINST her, but she is testifying to the TRUTH.

 The thing I don't get is this:  His ex tested positive for meth, xanax and pot.  My husband is a drug-free, rarely drinks, hard working, law-abiding citizen, but WE are under the microscope!  We have to prove we are worthy enough to take the kids.  I know part of it is the fact that they are from Indiana and we now live in Georgia and they are going to have to be uprooted 600 miles from everything they know.  But, at the same time, if they are here, they no longer have to lsten to the lies or frequent peoples homes where meth is being dealt and/or manufactured.  The will have clean clothes, food to eat and will be at school on time.  Most of all they will be loved.  LK loves no one but herself, with or without meth, she has always been that way.  We go to court July 16th, so wish us luck.  I wish you the very best with your situation and I hope we are allowed the same outcome as you.  She is going down fighting with her attorney.  I just hope the judge doesn't see her get cleaned up for the last 2 months and think that she is "cured".  Form what I've read, it doesn't work that way.  Thank you for your reply, sorry if I rambled on too long.....take care.  Tracylee