ex-wife's relation speaking bad of me to my kids

[helplessinnevada]

hi... I'm ed, a recovering alcoholic since 1992...recently I had heard from my kids that the grandparents, ex-wife's parents, have been telling stories of my alcoholism probs to my kids and badmouthing me saying things that are untrue in that terrible time of my life. To hear how I was aloser from my kids really hurts. The last time I took a drink, my oldest was only 5, and may have a faded memory of my drunken state. I don't think its right that the grandparents worsen my situation by telling lies about my past. I'd tell my kids myself if they ever wanted to know. What can I do to stop this interference from grandma and grandpa....afterall they used to express there confidence and pride for me while I was married to their daughter....now that I left her they are out to ruin my reputation and hardwork at staying sober.

[joni]

your oldest is 17 now?  certainly he's old enough for you to sit down and have an adult conversation with them about this.  tell them the truth, you screwed up a long time ago.  tell them about 12 years of sobriety.  use your life's lesson to teach them about partying and moderation as they embark on adulthood.

sure the grandparents are scum for doing this.  I assume you're hearing this from your kids.  THEY WANT TO KNOW!  TELL THEM!  if you are, the kids are coming to you because they're confused.  obviously, what their grandparents tell them and the man they know as their father are not the same two people.  take the time to bridge that gap for them and explain to them your life's experience.  make this a positive thing and put it behind you and your child.  it should be up to you to close the door on this subject matter.

[helplessinnevada]

Thankyou Joni for your support....I have discussed my past with my daughter,but not quite sure she really understands the disease. She blames me and remembers very vividly a time where I was supposed to do something with her but instead I chose to go out and drink...she was only 5 at the time but to her it seems as yesterday. She has thrown itup in my face several times about how I messed that up.I now realize what the 12 steps are doing for me....this is the step of making amends...just seems like such a long road to tread. I'm finding many obstacles in my way to my kids,and its getting very frustrating. I'm fed up with lawyers who make hopes and dreams seem a step away, then say well maybe if you jump another hurdle it may work. I'm proud to be an alcoholic in recovery and all this isnt worth throwing it away....I guess I trust that my higher power will show me the way and patience and persistance will become my reward.I just pray and hope that when things finally turn for the better, it wont be too late to sever broken fences. I hope my daughters will realize that my life needs to go on, with or without them in it ,and in turn they wont be bitter about decisions I make without them.I also know that my ex will reap what she sews, and and I hope it hurts her as much as it is hurting me. Thanks again for your comments.

[msme]

Perhaps, you can find something to relate to it that she may be more willing to accept. Maybe something like asking how she would feel if she had brought home a failing grade & no matter how good a student she was, nor how great her grades were, you simply kept throwing it in her face, year after year, that she failed once so that was all that counted.

The main thing is to keep telling her that you will always be truthful to her & expect the same from her. Keep telling her that you love her. If you can get a one on one sit down with her, then I think I would tell her that you were using that opportunity to acknowledge her maturity & to apologize to her one last time, for all your past mistakes & hurts. Now it is her turn to accept your apology.

If she chooses not to accept it, then that is her choice & you will still love her, no matter what. Hopefully, as she grows up, she will come to realize what a difficult thing you did & how hard it was to stick with it while your world was falling apart.

Keep up the good work & don't let anyone hold you down. I will add you & your children to our prayer list.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[joni]

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[helplessinnevada]

Thankyou for your support....let me just update you'all on my situation.@ weeks ago I asked my ex if I could have the children over to my mothers house for my sisters 40th birthday party. At first she said yes then a week later after talking to her attorney, she said no. I offered to go to her house and visit them, she said out of the question. I made an appointment with my oldests counselor for a meeting with her my kids and myself. Made the appointment then the next day the counselor called me and said she had to cancel the appointment.What can I do about my ex-wifes attorney interfering with the visitation of my children. All I can sayis, I must be strong in my own program to not allow theses setbacks turn me down a road of drinking and drugging. Thankyou for the continued support and feedback. Its encouraging to hear how people feel and gives me great energy to move forward and not look back