Newbie here (long)

[msme]

Now, you might want to add a few things to your weapons arsenol. I would send her a card each time she goes home. They have all sorts of neat cards for kids. Tell her that you enjoyed your time together & are looking forward to the next time. Tell her to call if there is something particular that she would like to do on the next visit or if there is some event coming up that she would like to attend with you.

Copy the cards & send them with proof of mailing, don't do certified. Don't mention them for a few weeks, unless she does. If she doesn't mention them, then casually mention that you were a bit surprised that she never mentioned them.

Odds are that she will say that she doesn't know what you are talking about. You can then produce the copies of the cards & the proofs of mailing & ask, sort of bewilderedly, "Are you sure you didn't get these? I Know I used the right address. I guess you will have to ask your mom about them." Then change the subject.

You might also ask her to help plan the menu for her weekends & help with the cooking. Kids love to cook & after awhile, you might find that working in the kitchen together lends itself to opening doors for communicating.

I would also set certain rules for behavior. Such as not allowing her to just sit & cry over her mother. Decide on an appropriate discipline. Also, I would do as the others have suggested & have her see a counselor when she is with you.

Good Luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[sweetnsad]

Cartman, that's wonderful news...I'm glad to hear that you are doing the right thing....Msme has great ideas, I would use them if I were you...

(((hugs))) to both you and your daughter.

[cartman]

Holy Smokes, I am so glad that I sent the letter. I never expected the results that I am experiencing. My dd's attitude has completely changed.

In addition to keeping our visitation schedule, she has been to my house twice on her own, apparently with BM's blessing.

You guys were so right! She is a different kid because she no longer has to choose who she is with.

The thing the stumps me is bm's behavior, I don't trust her but at the moment she is supporting the visitation. I didn't even have to threaten her with contempt.

The only thing I can figure out is the letter must have been a wake-up call that I am not going to put up with anymore bs concerning visitation.

Anyhow, wanted to let you know what has happened and again, I just want to thank everyone who replied. I truly appreciate this site and the people that support it.

[Kitty C.]

Thank God!  Just maybe she's one of those PBFH's that only takes a minimal amount of intimidation to get them to toe the line.  She sees that you're standing up for yourself, your daughter, and your rights.....and she doeesn't know 'how far' you'd be willing to go, possibly places she don't want to.....like COURT.

But now you know, rolling over and playing dead gets you railroaded, but standing up and sticking to your guns creates change.  Just remember:  be willing to put your money where your mouth is, if she ever decides to push the issue.

Enjoy the new turn of events, the added time with your daughter, and......ALWAYS CYA!!!!!!!!!  

[sweetnsad]

That's wonderful news!!!  I am so happy for you and your daughter.  You're right not to trust your ex, but if she is complying  with the order, then great.  Just do as Kitty says and CYA!  

It's nice to know that your daughter is finally not feeling like she's being pulled in two different directions.  That's the hardest part, I think, on children.  They feel they have to choose and it shouldn't be that way.

Anyhow, good luck and I hope all stays well.....:)

[cartman]

I just wanted to check in and let everyone know things have been awesome w/ my dd. The past two weeks we have stuck to the schedule and it has been great.

I can see a change already, at least she seems to be a lot happier. I even was able to take her to school on the first day and meet her teacher.

When I picked her up on Friday she was wanting to negotiate Sunday night/Monday morning. She said it would be "easier on me" if she spent the night w/bm. I said no and we didn't discuss it anymore.

If I had realized that one letter would make this kind of change I would have sent it a year ago when the problem started.

Thanks again to the folks here on the SPARC forum!!!!  

[Kitty C.]

I'm really glad things are working out, cartman.  And I hate to focus any negativity on it, but...........you still have to CYA!  There's a reason why it got to the point that it did before you sent that letter.  What's transpired the last few weeks doesn't mean it's automatically disappeared.  Maybe the letter is all it took to intimidate your ex to toe the line with the order, who knows.  But even if that is the case, there's nothing stopping her from trying it again, if she gets the nerve.  Maybe it was only your act of speaking up and standing up for your rights.  But if we knew why these craxy exes do what they do, there wouldn't be much need for forums like this, LOL!

So enjoy your time with your D and stay on your toes at all times.  Good luck and God bless!

[wendl]

That is just great, I am so glad to hear things are giong well for you and DD.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**