My ex wants more visitation and/or sole custody.

[lisbeth]

I do stay home. I have cronic fatigue and am on SSI. My dd and I live with my mother. My parents are divorced and I do receive CS from ex. I am not remarried. What is PAS? I have never head that before.

[sweetnsad]

Sorry Lisbeth...this whole story stinks.  You are exactly the reason why fathers come to this site and others like it....cause the mother of their children is inflicting this crap on them.  You have NO right to keep him from her....nor do you have the right to want him to "leave you and YOUR daughter" alone.  She's his daughter too, remember?  He has as much right, to see her as you do.  Especially now, since you see fit to put her innocent little life in danger by not giving her the proper meds for a serious infection.    Treat YOURSELF as an organic monkey if you wish, but leave your daughter out of it.  A good mother would know this.

Please, do yourself and your daughter a favor and follow that court order....allow him his RIGHTS as a father to see his daughter.....otherwise, when she's old enough to tell you to go to he!! for what you've done, you'll have deserved every miserable moment.

[sweetnsad]

Parental Alienation Syndrome....read up on it.  It's the very thing you're inflicting on your daughter at this moment.

[Sherry1]

daughter to have a relationship with my daughter".  "She is my child and my child only".  "She only does what I tell her."  "She will only go to visit daddy if I say".  "I want him to leave me along."  "If he loved her he wouldn't do a modification to see her more".  BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...

If you do not work, if you have chronic fatigure syndrome and if you do not have your own place and you are denying visitation, you could lose custody.  It might be the best thing for your daughter.

[Kitty C.]

I called that one!!!!!!!!!!!  Lady, you are SO transparent, it's downright silly.  Tell you what, read up on this site, EVERYTHING, think back to what kind of relationship you had with your own dad (and the one you WISH you would have had), and try REALLY hard to put yourself in your ex's shoes and see if you don't do a complete reversal of attitude.

We are not pro-daddy here, we are PRO-CHILD.  Luckily, I came from an intact family and had a father whom I worshiped the ground he walked on.  We lost him in 1991 and I grieve for him EVERY day.  My own son lost his father to cancer 2 years ago and the hole in his heart is big enough to drive a semi thru.  We BOTH know just how important BOTH parents are to a child's life.  That's why the good LORD made us the way He did, because a child NEEDS both influences in order to grow up healthy and well-rounded.

Wanna statistic that'll curl your hair?  Girls who grow up without their fathers in their lives are more likely to be promiscuous and have teen pregnancies.  Probably because they crave the love and attention they never got from their fathers.  And had no male influence to guide themselves.  There ARE some things that mothers canNOT teach.  You want THAT for your daughter????

[lisbeth]

WOW! I didn't see that coming. I never knew such a thing existed. So you think this is actually hurting my dd. I don't want to do that. I honestly thought I was protecting her. IS there any way to fix this? Have I already done too much damage to keep some custody? If he wins will I still get visitation? Man....I feel just....awful.

What do I do now?

Maybe you're right maybe she would be better off with him. He has a nice house and his other children seem very happy and well behaved. I feel like I totally screwed myself.

[kitten]

First off, how do you know the infection was under control?  Are you a Dr.?  Second, if your ex really didNOT care about your daughter, he would not be trying to have equal time with her now.  You "feel" like he abandoned her and you "feel" like he didn't try hard enough?  I "feel" like YOU did not try hard enough to move where he was stationed.  How do you know what he is concerned with in regards to YOUR daughter?  You won't allow them to have a relationship.  He obviously was concerned enough about her health to give her the proper care for her infection.  When my daughter was 13 mo. old, she almost died from a staph infection that started in a tiny sore on her thumb.  When her thumb first started looking red and a little puffy, I took her to her Dr. and he gave me an antibiotic ointment "just in case" and of course I used it according to the Rx and 2 days later, she had a rash covering almost her entire body, was lethargic and in so much pain she could not even cry.  She had a very rare form of staph called Scalded Skin Syndrome.  Infections are no joke, but your magic potions are.  Let me guess...you're also a liberal, tree hugging, mushroom juice drinking, ear candling, living off the state, man hating, femenazi vegan.  You should be charged with neglect.  Thank God your child has a father like him.  You are using her as a pawn to maintain control.  You are there for her 24 hours a day? really?  You don't work?Who supports her financially?  I'm sure her Daddy would love to be able to take her to school, but he has financial responsibilities and has to work.  Do you understand that without him, you would not have this beautiful little girl at all?  Do you also understand that when you opened your legs and got pregnant that that tied you to him forever and you have a responsibility to your child to ensure that she has the right to a positive relationship with BOTH parents?  I don't think you get it.  I fear for your daughter's well-being if her father does not win equal time with her.  

[Kitty C.]

You really want to know what you can do???  If he lives that close, he and your child both deserve 50/50 physical custody.  Your child deserves to have BOTH of you equally in her life.  YES, what you're doing is hurting your child!  But hopefully if you turn things around now, there will be very little collateral long term damage.

You have a LOT of fence mending to do.  On this site you will find sample parenting plans.  Check them over and tailor one to fit the needs of your child, your ex, and you.  Start communicating OFTEN with your ex.  Pass on everything about her, whether it be about school, any doctor's visit, extra-curricular activities, etc.

You and your ex may not be together anymore, but you DO have a child together, so that means you both will be in each other's lives in some shape or form at least until your child reaches the age of majority.  If you don't get along, treat it as a business deal, taking as much of the emotion out of it as possible.  

And KEEP YOUR CHILD OUT OF THE MIDDLE!  Never, under ANY circumstances do you ever tell her about the legalities of her custody.  She is a CHILD, and does not need to know.  She is part you and part her dad.  If you reject your ex actively or passively to her, you are telling her you are rejecting part of her.  You are telling her that part of her is bad.  Is that the message you want her to have?

There is a special bond between girls and their daddies.  I know, I had/have that.  When you are at the end of your life and held accountable for all your actions, I hope, for your child's sake, that you can say with an honest heart that you did EVERYTHING you could to make that happen.

Anyone ever tell you that having children is a sacrifice?  This is it.  From here on out, put your child ABOVE your needs and feelings.

[kitten]

Yes, if she does not die from one of your potions, she will grow up and out of your life for doing this to her.  And yes, you will have deserved every miserable moment.  

[kitten]

You need psychological help.  You feel awful?  About what exactly?