My ex wants more visitation and/or sole custody.

[lisbeth]

My ex and I have joint legal and physical custody of our 9 year old dd. He moved out of state for 5 years due to a military obligation and came back in state and now resides here. During the time he was out of state he only saw dd on Holidays and for 6 weeks in the summer. He called her when he was able to but he sometimes was not able to call often because of his military duties, so he says. He averaged about once every couple of weeks for about 30 minutes. Our dd loves him dearly. He has been remarried for 7 years and we divorce when our dd was 8 months old. My ex has paid cs evey month with no problems. Exccept a few month where he missed but made it up.

My problem is that now that he is back he wants to see dd more and I just can't stand it. I feel like he is harrassing me about visitation. The CO says every week during 2 weekday nights and EOW. Also alternating holidays and 6 weeks in the summer. In the CO it comes out to 14 day of him having physical custody and 16 or 17 days for me to have custody. I don't want him visiting with my dd during the week. I have written him letters and told him that if he loved her then he would not try to visit her during the week because it messes up her school schedule. He even agrees with me but said I would have to compensate his time and I should let him see her every weekend and not during the week. But, I want to see her on the weekend, too. So I told him no.

At this point I haven't let him see her in over a month. He filed for a modification because of it and charged me with 14 or so counts of contempt. He also claims that I am medically neglectful because I chose to treat a skin infection my dd had with natural medicines instead of using the antiobiotics the doctor prescribed. My ex got upset because the natural medicines take significantly longer to treat infections that antiobiotics. I am concerned about the over use of antiobiotics. My dd's pediatrician said that he wanted me to use to prescription but I didn't feel comfortable with it. I told him that I would continue to use the natural medicines. The doctor called my ex and told him that he needed to get the prescription and give it to my daughter during summer break because he didn't think I would give it to her and he also said that if my dd didn't get the medicine that she could get a blood infection called septecimia. I don't think that's ture I think the doctor was just trying to scare ex into going against my wishes. It says in the CO I have final say about medical care when the child is in my custody. EX has same rights.
I don't think I was being negligent because I was treating it, just not the main stream way that parents normally do. EX did give her the medicine and my dd has some very bad scares whch ex says are my fault. I don't think that is true either. The doctor called child services on me and they are currently investigating me for neglect. I have a lawyer and he told me that I need to let the father see my dd when he askes to other wise I will keep getting charged with contempt. But I am not going to because I don't feel like her father really cares about her, because if he did he would not want to interrupt her schedule and take her out of her home so often. My dd understands what is going on, I showed her the papers for change of custody and she got really mad at her dad for trying to take her away from me. My dd says that she wants to live with me but my lawyers doesn't seem to think that I have much chance of retaining 50/50 custody. He says that I have "interfered with parental visitation too many time recently" and "The medical neglect is going to be hard to disprove".

Do I have a chance of keeping custody of my dd? What should I do to give myself the upperhand? Do you think I have any chance at all?

I'm in georgia by the way.

lisbeth

[Sherry1]

with her dad.  I'll tell you one thing, if you keep violating the visitation order, a judge could reverse custody and give custody to dad.  I suggest you start following the visitation order whether you like it or not.  If you are looking at trying to reduce his visitation it probably won't happen.

[Kitty C.]

First off, with the antibiotics.  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??????  Lady, I've watched what were PERFECTLY healthy people DIE from sepsis.  That doctor is NOT trying to scare your ex, he's telling the TRUTH!

Treat yourself organically, especially if it takes longer, but DO NOT do that to your child, especially when you're talking about an infection.  The bugs out there nowadays are MUCH more virulent than even 20 years ago, and a child has LESS immunities to fight off crap like that.  The doc would have had NO problems with the natural remedies if he didn't feel that she needed to get treated quickly.  Once sepsis enters the blood stream, it spreads amazingly fast.  And kids compensate a LOT more than adults do, so you will never know just how badly it's affecting her until it's practically too late.

I've been in healthcare for almost 20 years, and watched a new mother, who was perfectly healthy, die from sepsis because a delivery laceration wasn't treated fast enough.  You CANNOT waste time with this!  Your damn right it's neglect and with the proof they have against you, I can about guarantee that it will be founded, and if you were in my state, that means going on the child abuse state registry and criminal charges.

As for the contempt charges, you've got it coming for denying him his parenting time.  So he's 'just a visitor' in your child's life, is he?  Would you like to be considered the same?  If he is living locally, there is NO reason why you cannot have 50/50 physical custody.  

You may not realize this, but since you and your ex live in separate homes, you child has TWO homes now, one with each of her parents.

Wait a minute...........  You know, I'm almost getting the impression that this is a troll, because EVERYTHING you describe that you've done is EXACTLY the opposite of what you should be doing..........IF you cared for your child.  Go look in the mirror, lady.  You will see exactly what you think your ex is and has done.  He only has his child's best interests at heart, wanting to be involved in his child's life and wanting to take care of her properly and TIMELY.  Can't say the same for you, tho.  Serves you right if you lose custody and if your ex comes to this site, I'd tell him he should go for FULL custody.

POS's like you really piss me off.  Try 'visiting' your child sometime and see how YOU like it...............

[lisbeth]

First off I didn't feel like my child was in danger of sepcis. I had the infection under control. Second, if my ex really cared about my daughter he wouldn't have move half way across the country when she was 3 years old. I feel like he abandoned her and didn't try hard enough to get the military to let him stay here. I could not move on my own to where he was as I could not afford it. If he really loved my daughter then he wouldn't have started this modification. He would just leave us alone. I love my daughter. I am here for her 24 hours a day. He is not here. He chose that for himself. I'm the one that takes her to school and makes sure she does her homework. If I let him visit her during the week he wonld not make she she did her homework. You can be sure of that. I am only looking out for my dd's education. Which by the way he doesn't seem too concerned with.

Lis

[lisbeth]

I do want my daughter to have a relationship with he dad. He, until recently, didn't seem like he wanted a relationship with my daughter. If he had wanted a relationship he would have found a way to make the military keep him close to her. For all intents and purpose he removed himself from her life and then expected to just come right back and pick it up. How can that be good for any child?

[Kitty C.]

Don't know much about the military, do you?  you don't ask them where you'd like to go, they TELL you where to go, and you do NOT question it.  Trust me, as involved as he is now, I can guarantee you he'd have given anything to have been as involved during that time, but they just wouldn't let him.

He did NOT remove himself from her life, he was forced away from it by the military.  So now you want to be judge, jury, and executioner and continue to drive a wedge between them?  I hope he gets full custody, cuz you certainly do not deserve it.

[Sherry1]

if he would have quit his job and was unable to pay CS, then you would be telling us you are denying visitation because he couldn't pay CS. I really don't know if you are for real or not, but bottom line is YOU do not want your daughter to have a relationship with her dad.  I will tell you if you keep up this behavior, you could lose custody.  How would you feel if your daughter lived with her dad and had "visitation" with you?

[Sherry1]

Are you remarried?  Between CS and some other income you can stay home.  If you loved your daughter then you would follow the court order so she could have are relationship with her dad.  In your case, which I call "Planet Mommy Syndrome", I hope dad wins his modification so he has a chance to counteract the "PAS" you are inflicting on your daughter.

[lisbeth]

You know I really didn't know that was how it worked. He told me when he joined that he would be stationed at Ft. Gordon in Augusta which is not very far for my home. When he finished with basic he told me that he would be stationed in TX. I thought he got to choose since he said he was going to be in GA and then changed his mind to TX. I do know that his wife told me that he was offered a high paying job with a defence contractor in TX raython or something like that. But, as his wife said, he didn't take it and instead took a lower paying job in GA to be closer to my daughter. I guess it didn't click at the time but you might be right.

[Kitty C.]

Obviously he IS concerned, or he wouldn't be trying so hard to be involved.  But you keep doing everything within your power to make sure they can't have a relationship.

'First off I didn't feel like my child was in danger of sepcis.'  And what medical training do you have to back that up???  You got some magical machine that can see into wounds and be able to tell???  What a crock of $hit.

Like I said, he had NO control on where he went in the military.  He did NOT abandon her, because it's obvious he saw her as much as he possibly could, within the constraints of active duty.

So you want to be 'left alone', just you and your child?  Mark my words, lady.  Some day your actions now will come back to bite you in the ass HARD.  More than likely when your daughter gets old enough to tell you to go to hell for depriving her of her father.

Let me guess, your parents were divorced and your mother always told you what a bastard your father was........and you believed her without question.  But if you look just a LITTLE closer, you will be able to tell your father loved you dearly and did everything he could, with the mommy-biased court system and a vindictive mother tying his hands, to try to see you, love you, and be with you.  Gee, just like child abuse, it travels from generation to generation.

And you call yourself a 'mother'.  What a joke.  Go someplace else where someone gives a shit.............