KittyC Help! CP leaves country places child with her parents without telling me....

[LostDad]

I could use some very quick advice on this difficult topic.  KittyC...you must have some good advice...right?

I am the NCP of a 4 year old girl with alternating weekend visitations.  The BM (CP) performed the exchange to me today, but we have since found that she has left the country for two weeks on vacation.  Apparently she has given permission to her parents to pick up our daughter at the return exchange on Sunday and keep custody of her until BM returns from trip.  This has all been in secret, we are not supposed to know about it, but we do (good friends in the right places).  There is some evidence that is admissable in court...most of the good stuff is not (don't ask).

BM has not mentioned the trip, provided any contact information or informed me that her parents would be caring for our child.  It has been carefully crafted such that I will not know about the trip.  At the very least this is very dangerous as I have no way to reach BM and her parents will never call me as they believe I am spawn from the devil thanks to BM's bad-mouthing.

We have a CO that has a Right of First Refusal clause for periods over 24 hours.  The BM has clearly made these travel arrangements in secret to prevent me from finding out what she is doing and to prevent me from spending extra time with daughter (she is very protective about timeshare for CS calculations).

Ironically since BM has a long history of failing to show up for exchanges, we perform them at a supervised location to document who does the exchange and if someone doesn't show up.  Therefore it's unlikely I will refuse the exchange back to her parents since I'm the law abiding citizen in the group. (sucks playing by the rules when the other parent isn't).  Technically the exchange location is at my discression to change since the location is not specified in the CO...I'm paying for the supervised exchanges to ensure smooth and consistent exchanges.

Regardless, I do not want her parents taking care of our child for two weeks in secret, when I could be spending quality time with her.  They are very abusive and live in a very unsafe environment (no heating/cooling, no running water, no bed/bath, farm animials in the house...think of a "sh*thole"...litterally this is not an exageration) What can I do?

What would be some recommended steps to either a) prevent returning our child to her parents or b)within a short period of time gather some type of evidence and get an emergency hearing early next week to get our daughter back temporarily?

Can this be considered child abandonment?  Can the BM grant temporary custody to a third party without my permission?  Should the police, CPS, family court get involved?  If so, how, to what degree, in what order, and what documents should I get?  (We all live in California)

Yes I have a very good lawyer, but have not had a chance to speak with her yet and her time is very expensive.  I would also like to get other ideas from experienced people out there before-hand so I have a strategy or atleast my expectations in-check.

-LostDad-

[ocean]

Did your ex leave already? I do not have answers but maybe you should have a phone confernece with your lawyer and then you do all the paperwork if needed? Can you call the parents and tell them you will not do the exchange as per court order with the RFR until she returns to the country? "I" do not think that the police can "make" you return her to grandparents and if she is gone she can not fight it until she gets back.....Just talking out loud here...lol  Can your lawyer overnight a letter to her parents? Still thinking....

[Kitty C.]

I understand your wanting to remain law-abiding, but understand that a court order is just that:  a law written between two parties.  And that law specifically states that if one parent is going to be gone longer than 24 hours, the other parent has custody.  THAT is your law and what you must abide by.  To do otherwise opens the door WIDE open to your ex taking FULL advantage of you.

Talk to your atty. if need be, but if it were me (AND you can get proof IN HAND that BM has left the country), I'd go to the exchange WITHOUT the child, but with your CO in hand and the proof of the BM's whereabouts.  There is NOTHING the grandparents can do about it, as they have no legal rights to your child.  

But once BM gets back, I can promise you that she will try to make your life a living hell for doing this.  She will threaten and accuse.  BUT you have the CO on your side, giving you the legal right to have your child while she is gone.  If she threatens to take you to court, LET HER.  Then you can ask the court for her to pay your atty. fees and court costs for bringing a frivilous suit to court.  

You will NOT be in contempt if you keep your child.  As long as you have proof that the BM is gone, that's ALL you need.  You have EVERY right to keep your child while she is gone.  And, JMO, but you'd be crazy NOT to....

Post this to Socrateaser, but I doubt the advice would be much different, tho I would defer to him in all legalities........

[msme]

since you have right of first refusal, if you can document that she is out of the country, then the place where you exchange should uphold your right of first refusal. Does your CO say anything about who may pick your daughter up? Make sure you bring your CO with you to the exchange.

Maybe I am just naturally suspicious, or maybe it just comes from years of dealing with my son's lying pbfh, but I would be checking to see if there is a passport for your child & if there is, have it flagged. If your ex is out of the country, she could be using her parents as a decoy to bring the child out of the country.

Do you know why she went out of the country? Does she have family or close friends who would offer her a place to stay overseas? If so, then, considering her covert trip, I would consider her parents a flight risk & do whatever you can to prevent it.

There is a lot of info on here about international issues. I would be checking it all out, just in case.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Kitty C.]

ANY time there's anything international going on, you must assume the worst and CYA.  Many who have said 'My ex wouldn't do that' found out otherwise later, and it can take years and TONS of money to try to get a child back after they've been taken out of the country.

Also remember, a child's passport MUST be signed by BOTH biological parents.  Check on that passport and find out it's contents.  Flagging it may not be enough, if she got your signature on it illegally, it must be voided.