Long weekend - but a long flight

[Ref]

The flight between BM & our home is 4 hours. We have always been the ones to travel when it is a short amount of parenting time such as  a 3 day weekend.

Now DH will be able to see SD  on more 3 day weekends(parenting agreement was just modified). She is also 13 years old.

Do you guys think it is ok to have her fly such a long distance for such a short  visitation?

[Kimberly9]

Yes, I do.  My ss rides in a car for four hours on Friday and four hours on Sunday e.o.w.  

It is long, but it is worth it.  

[MixedBag]

Not sure where you posted this before .....and I answered there too.

I'd say just to keep an open mind about this weekend and see how it goes.

And THEN decide if it was a success or not.

(Since the other person mentioned it), My girls too had to sit in a car for 4 hours on Friday and then 4 hours on a Sunday over a Sat/Sun weekend -- that started Friday evening.  It was fine and they enjoyed their time with dad.

[Ref]

Dh spoke with SD last night. She was repeating everything her mother says. She said that the flight was too long and "would hurt my little body",. She also accused DH of taking her away from her friends and family.

He told her that it was not a point of discussion and that she shouldn't have the choice of when to see him or not. SD said that it is her choice and why all of a sudden does he want to see her more? He explained that it takes a long time...years to get what he should have had all along. She said that she would run away if he tries to make her come here. He said the reason why it isn;t a choice is so that she is not put in the middle of the problems that he and her mom are having and forcing her to pick sides. She said she has already chosen her mom's side.

What do we do now? How can he explain to her that the flight will not hurt her body? How does he tell his daughter that she is being lied to by her mom? What can we do emptionally to help her? What can we do legally to stop PBFH?

Has anyone gotten custody due to denial of visitation and PAS of a teenager? She has lived with her mom for 10 years now. PAS was moderate before. PB tried but SD didn't bite until now.


;( x( x(

[MixedBag]

Has she flown before?

It will be hard, but I think standing your ground with her (and BM) is important right now.

Don't out right tell her that "mom is lying" she'll get the picture on her own.  

I don't think there's anything you can do legally until after the event doesn't happen.

[Ref]

She flies all the time. She is a regular frequent flier. She is just saying about it being tough on her body because her mother must have said that to her. She took a 10 hour bus ride for school and 8 hour flight to England for the same amount of time.

It boils down to her mom making DH out to be a monster and SD beleiving it.

I posted on another page about how BM yells when SD is on earshot things like "SD is a WONDERFUL child" as if DH was saying otherwise. Before SD seemed to let all of it roll off her back, now the PAS is working.

The problem is, SD is suffering. The more DH takes BM to court to help, the more fodder it gives BM to say "your dad is abusing (yes ABUSING) me by taking me to court"

Dh took BM to court because she was limiting his visitation to 30 days a year. He won. He has 90 days. That isn't too bad because of the distance between them. BM said she would play hard ball now, because he got his way. She has an increase in CS pending and is incouraging SD to hate him.

He is about to give up. It is so emotionally straining. Now he will not see his daughter. If he sues for contempt he is being mean to BM again AND he has to pay more in CS.

I am really at my wits end.

[MixedBag]

DH has an EX who says the same thing to the kids....and his response is "IF she would follow the court order, then we wouldn't have to discuss this with a judge."

Both Mom and Dad have shown the children the court order and so far so good for Dad's part.  His son (11) is the only one left living with mom and understands when she starts playing games.

SD needs to get to that point too....and she will over time.

[nosonew]

Alot of this is likely about her social life as well at this age.  And with her mother PAS'ing her, I am sure she is using every social event she may possibly miss against you.  This is a tough call, if you continue, she could be completely alienated against you...perhaps a compromise, 1x month and all scheduled holidays?  Explaining that dh understands that friends and teen social life is very important to her, and is willing to compromise to once a month weekend but ALL holidays and summer visitation?  Just a thought.. and best of luck...i know this is not easy, on anyone.

[our4girlz]

No we have not gotten custody, but I know exactly what you are going through...except with younger children. It's actually sick to listen to BM compalin about her BF's EX not letting him see his kids and how she would NEVER do that to her children. HA HA HA! She does the same thing! She tells both kids, especially the oldest, how their dad doesn't want to see them or pay CS. Which is a bunch of crap, b/c he pays more than enough every month.

He has just filed for custody. It's sad to say, but I'm sure he won't get them, b/c BM lies for a living, so I'm sure she'll have something up her sleeve. But I do hope it changes the visitation to reflect how much we've had them over the past year. And hopefully reduce his support to a reasonable amount, so we can afford to pay for their things when they are with us.

Just keep forcing the issue...that is what we have done. No matter what lies she claims the kids have told her or what she has told them, he still continues to call & get them for visits. Don't let BM have her way. That's exactly what she wants is for him to give up and that will really make him look bad in his daughter's eyes!

Best of luck!

[Ref]

We only see her 6 times a year (legally) however, BM is trying to get that down to back to 2 again. I can't imagine that DH should give up any of the rest of his time... there is so little of it now anyway.