got any ideas??

[Stepmom0418]

Hi all.......need some help.


DH picked ss up last night and Bm is requesting that she have SS for trick or treat night in her town. Their trick or treat night and ours are on the same night and same times. This happens to fall on DH's weekend. DH has missed 3 holidays this year due to BM's denial of visitation and also missed  many many hours of time. (we also dont really think she will even show up but this way at least he tried to comprimise???)

DH is thinking of telling her that she is more than welcome to come to our town and go trick or treat with us but he does not want to loose any more time.

What do you all think??

[MYSONSDAD]

Maybe I am getting too hard in all this visitation, hate the word, crap.

I got a lot more then standard visitation, about 35/65. I have no holidays unless they fall on my weekends.  

I say, ENJOY YOUR TIME! It is a nice gesture to offer her coming along. Shows your putting the child first. But I won't give up my time, no way.

You can't get back those Kodak Moments.

Right now I am at about 27 contempts on her. Not to mention the times I had to deal with interferance.

[Stepmom0418]

I agree with you about the Kodak moments!! SS is 7 and we have NEVER had a holiday with him. (just got a court order this year) But even with the order she denied Fathers Day, Memorial Day, and Labor Day! (along with the other weekends and summer vacation that amount to over 200 hours of time lost.)

Dh has a final trial comming up in Feb and he wants to make sure that he doesnt goof up anything by denying her request.

The thing that gets me is that Bm never mentioned anything about how this time could be made up if Dh would agree. (she was like it didnt matter as long as she gets him for trick or treat)


Also BM has had a lot of problems following the CO anyways.

Thanks for the opinion!

[StPaulieGirl]

What you said about offering for her to come to your town is a good suggestion....if you were dealing with someone who is rational.

My suggestion is to not budge.  Your weekend, not hers.  Of course you know that she'll probably pull some mind games on the kid.  I would still not budge.  Sorry, I'm in a mood at the moment....

[Stepmom0418]

DH is the one who wants to be the nice guy and i disagree a little! He wants to be nice because court is coming in Feb. I can understand this point but what about all the crap this woman has been pulling??

She has made false statements to try and get DH supervised visitation, accused us BOTH of threating her, denied visitation, told SS that DH would hurt him, I could go on and on but I think you get the point.


I am going to let DH handle this one and he can live with his choices.

[StPaulieGirl]

I am going to let DH handle this one and he can live with his choices.

If court is in Feb, this is the time for DH to take a stand.  Look, between you and me, it's just Halloween.  That isn't the point.  The point is that this woman has to be trained to obey a court order...whether she likes it or not.  

Dealing with people who refuse to behave is the pits....

[MYSONSDAD]

I have asked for time too. Like Fathers Day. And a few hours on his birthdays, NOTHING. Not even a phone call!

I have a trial coming up too and trying not to goof up, but holidays are important. If it lands on your weekend, it should not effect the trial.

He is making an extra effort to include her, if she does not bite, her problem, she loses...

I have documented my requests and her responses. And with all the false promises.  That will tell the story. EX has had problems following our CO too.

"Children learn what they live"

[Stepmom0418]

I agree and have expressed my opinion to Dh about this.............now lets see if he stands up and acts like the man I thought I married!! So far BM has walked all over him and it pisses me off to no end but he seems to take it all with a grain of salt. I will wait and see and hope and pray that he sees that what I am saying is right!


I agree that it is just Halloween........no big deal but as for her track record........she has denied him all his holidays since he got the court order so why should he give in on this one!!


BM uses ss like a pawn to get what she wants out of DH!! And I think he needs to stand his ground on this one and show her what a co is all about!! AND FOLLOW IT ALL THE WAY!!


As you can tell this is a sore subject for me right now, in fact DH and I arent talking much today because of this and because he seems to have selective hearing today!!

[StPaulieGirl]

Of course he should stand his ground.  Trick or Treating is a lot of fun for kids, and adults too.  It is his weekend, he should get it and enjoy it.

I don't know. Maybe just leave it be.  It would delight the BM to no end if you both end up arguing because of her.

She knows what buttons to push with your husband, as my ex husband knows which ones to push with me.  I'm slowly getting smarter, but it still makes me scream sometimes.

Take a long walk and breathe deeply, if you can.  Anyone would be frustrated in your situation.

[msme]

I think this a catch 22. If you agree, she gets her way with his blessing. If he says no, then she may not let him have his weekend.

I think that I would send her a letter of intent to exercise his visitation & include the invitation at the end. That way, if she denies, you will have the cert receipt & a copy of the letter to show the court your attempt to work together.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!