Difficult situation and a question?

[wildroses]

I am new here to posting but I have been reading the boards here for several months. My dh and I have been married for almost 8 years. He has an almost 10 year old daughter that he has Joint physical and legal custody of along with his ex-wife who is the residential parent.

My dh has had a difficult time getting visitation access with his daughter for over a year. His ex-wife has denied visitation for over 90 days since Jaunary 1 of this year. Our lawyer files contempt and nothing happens. Judge says "Don't do it again" She will be good and everything will be fine and then a month later she starts it all up again. Dh filed for modification in May and stated that the change in circumstance is that resident parent has continually denied visitation and minor child has suffered as a result. We've had court date and they continually get change by opposing attorney. New date scheduled for some time in February.

We send her letter of intent for each day of visitation the last week of each month for the following month. Dh sent letter for November and December visitation during the last week of October. It followed exactly what the CO states. Every other weekend and in Addition Thanksgiving at 3:00pm on the day minor child's school recess for the holiday until 6:00pm the day immediatly preceeding the resumption of school. School recessed today.

Ex-wife signed intent of visitation for Thanksgiving holidays and mailed it back. All is well until my Step-daughter found out that her friend will be visiting for Thanksgiving in the town that her mother resides in. Daughter stated that she didn't want to come during Thanksgiving because of this. Husband makes arrangemnt with parents of her friend to have a visit with friend while in the custody of father. Child was happy and said she wanted to come. Then mom comes up with some paperwork from the court that states that "The Defendant" (Ex-wife) may not take the child out of the jurisdiction of the court with out written permission of the court." In the top of that paragraph it states the both parties (Plaintiff and Defendant) will not enfluence the child against the other parent.

Dh's ex is stating that he cannot take child out of state. Dh calls his lawyer and says it bogus and only applies to Defendant. Plaintiff (Dh) has never seen this paperwork before tonight when ex's mother showed it to us. Plaintiff never served and Plaintiff's attorney of record was never served. Dh's attorney calls Defendants attorney and told him that Plaintiff has visitation time and Defendant will present at time stated. Dh's attorney also mentions that Dh intents to take the child out of state for 6 hours on Thursday. Defendant's attorney has no problem with it.

We get to child's residence at 3:00pm and child and mother are not home. Dh called mother's cell phone and left a message saying that he was waiting. Called attorney and she instructed dh to go to local police station and file a report. Got a report, police even tried to locate child and put and APB on mother's vehicle.

At 4:20 Dh's attorney called and says that Defentant's attorney is trying to locate mother and child and instruct them to return to the home. She instructed us to wait 30 minutes and call Defendant's attorney and see if he found her and only to talk about this issue and nothing else. We wait and call Defendant's attorney who cannot locate child. We told him we were going to get some food in her town and we would call him back. At 6:30 he calls and say that Defendant is in route home and that we need to make arrangement ourselves to get child. We then left and drove to child's home. Mother and child not home yet. Child's grandmother (Ex's mother) is home and start screaming at Dh that he is not allowed to have child for Thanksgiving. Dh tell her that she is wrong and she asks him to produce CO stating the day and time of exchange. He even shows her the signed paper showing ex's agreement with holiday schedule. She still going on and on about him not taking child out of the state. He tells her that her lawyer said it was fine. She doesn't believ him.

I begin walking back to the car and fall in a Huge hole right beside the driveway where the walkway meets the driveway. It's dark, I cannot see anything and I am stuck. Dh basically has to pull me out. My ankle had twisted and I cannot walk. I sit in the car.

Mother and child come home and mother starts in on Dh. Dh instructs child to get in the car. Child then gets in the car. Mother starts calling Dh names and screaming at him in front of the child. I tell Dh I cannot walk and he calls the firestation, which is right next door. They come over and look at my ankle. Ankle is already swollen when they arrive. They call the ambulance to transport me to the hospital. I had ex-rays which found a broken ankle. I get cast and crutches. Major ouch!

Dh's stays behind at the house and talks to police when they arrive. Police chief gets mad at dh because he asked dh not to try to get child after he gave him the report. The only reason dh tried to get child is because her attorney told him to wait and he would try to locate mother and child. Chief threatnes to arrest dh but decided not to because I am at the hospital and we had our other kids with us. He then tells dh that from now on he cannot come to residence of mother.

Chief told him that they need to meet at sheriffs office. CO states that Father pick-up child at mother's residence. Chief also refuses to file an accident report about my injury because it's a civil matter also refuses to obtain home owners insurance information from Child's grandmother who is the owner of the residence.

Dh comes to the hospital and on the way his daughter told him that her mother picked her up early from school and took her to a movie. Child states that mother told her that she was not aware what time her father was coming to pick her up. This is a total lie because dh informed child's mother in intent letter which she signed and  he also informed her what time on a recorded phone call on Monday night. I just cannot believe that she would lie to her own child.  She also stated that her grandmother called her mother and told her not to come home because we where there. Which is probably true because her kitchen window drapes were open and when she saw our car she grabbed the phone.

Okay, questions are:

1) Can cheif enforce verbal no contact order by him?

2) If we cannot get the pick-up location changed in CO to sheriff's office can we not pick-up the child in the future?

3) How do we get the pick-up location changed before trial? Dh's lawyer stated that she wanted to wait until trial to change anything. Is he just not going to be able to pick-up child until after trial?


What a mess....
Thanks for Listening and any help, experience or advice that you may have! Sorry if things are confusing. I am on some major pain meds. LOL!

Rose

[joni]

Do not deviate from the court order.  It'll come back to bite screw.

The chief of police is an idiot and is not an expert in family law.

Sue your husband's ex MIL for your broken ankle.

At this point, you've learned that playing by the rules and respecting your child's BM has gotten you no where with her.  My point is this, don't hold back from doing what you got to do to get time with your SD because you're worried about pissing off mom and mom will do something to retaliate.  

You've learned from this past year that mom is going to retaliate regardless and is not considering the child's best interest.  Continue to do right and stay in the life of your SD at all costs.

[MYSONSDAD]

This is a direct attack of BM for your Dh and his visitation. The Chief overstepped his bounds.

I had something simuliar come up with the Police. They tell me its civil and would't get involved. I say BULLSH!T.

Keep a copy of your CO in the vehicle. and here is something you should research for your State. It is criminal. And I also would be researching PAS. Keep a copy of the State statute for criminal interference in your vehicle too. Let them learn the law. Cops are told it is civil. Not true.

1. Criminal Custodial Interference
Criminal Custodial Interference Criminal Custodial Interference This Adobe PDF document is a comprehensive list of State statutes covering criminal custodial inteference. Citing the relevant statute...
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/interference_statues.htm - size 2kb - 07 Nov 2003

"Children learn what they live"

[MixedBag]

You have a PM.

[MixedBag]

My first thought was "what paperwork"? about taking the child out of state or not.  Was it an ORDER?  Otherwise, it also sounds like you guys have been doing this for some time and NOW it's a problem?  Yea right.

I too think the chief overstepped his bounds.  He can't change an order like that.

And the foot, sue the homeowner and I'm sure then you'll get the information.  I just took a look at when my daughter had her accident and at the emergency room bill.  It was over $3K.  She'll think again when you sue her for that.  

Or actually, maybe this will work.  File it with your insurance company and tell them what happened.  THEY might actually be the ones who go after her if she's the ultimate responsible party for their money back.

No report....well, that's normal.  It happened on private property and that's why.  Say you have an accident between two cars at Walmart in the parking lot....well, the police won't file a report because the parking lot is private property.  I learned that from a dear friend of mine.

So #1:  No

#2:  See #1.

#3:  See #1 and pick her up like the CURRENT court order says.

Police officers (and sherrifs and state patrol officers) can't change civil decisions because they enforce criminal laws/codes, not civil laws.

[MYSONSDAD]

The Criminal Codes are currently not enforced near enough to make a difference. BM will get a slap on the wrist. And a big 'shame on you'

Go for contempt. Follow your current CO to a T. If it needs clarification, then get it done.

Going Civil on her contempts will get you make up time, attorney and/or court cost. Do not allow her to continue her games. FILE CONTEMPT EVERYTIME! She gets slammed on this once, it might put a stop to it. Have ready for the Judge, dates in which you can make up missed time.

Possible that your attorney is letting her pile up several contempts to use for trial. Keep him informed and find out if this is a strategy.  Arrange for him to contact BM's attorney and decide a mutually agreed place to do the exchanges. Make it a public place, bring a camera or video recorder. Always have a witness who will testify in court. If possible, the sheriffs office would be good. Cameras run 24/7.

Continue to pick up the child/children as per CO. If you do not make the attempt, it can not be contempt. Stop at a local gas station and get a receipt for gas, it will show the date and time. Proof of your attempting pick ups.

And I can not stress enough, DOCUMENT!

When the dust settles and a new CO is written. Include an 'ENFORCEMENT CLAUSE'. This puts LEA on notice to respond, per court order.

[wendl]

Sounds like grandma is a problem too, I would put a clause in as well that grandma may not be at drop off/pick up place due to the prior verbal attacks and dh and yourself.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**