Question about Grandparents rights(again and long sorry)

[whippertizzy]

Hi everyone!  I hope everyone is doing ok:)

It would figure, since DH has died, His ex-wife has done a complete turn around. My Mother-in-law has the kids all the time.  They are calling  her all the time to pick them up.  And so far the Ex has allowed it.  

In January, Illinois is enacting some new grand parents rights laws.  It will be especially helpful to my MIL because part of the new law deals specifically if one of the parents is dead.  The Judge told my MIL to come back anytime after January and they would get the process started.  My MIL is going to do this, but I am worried that the EX will get mad and start playing the games that she did with DH when he was alive.(He got to see them once in the year before he passed away)  

I told my MIL to make a notebook, containing every time they called, or the ex called,  everytime they were at her house, anytie she had to buy clothing for them because the Ex sent them in rags. (It's not a matter of just sending them in ratty clothing only when they are going to see MIL, all of her kids are in ratty clothing, but her and her husband always have on brand new everything. Makes me sick) Specific times they came over, pretty much document everything just in case it is going to turn into a battle.  

I hope that it will help her if it does turn into a battle.  

I also worry about when they are going to meet their sibling. (YES I AM STILL PREGNANT, I AM OVERDUE DARN IT lol)  The Ex has made it very clear that she wants no contact between our children. She says they already have a family and don't need to worry about having a relationship with my child.  If my MIL gets visitation set down on the books, I will make sure my child is there when they are there so they can atleast meet each other. I just don't want to make waves.   I want for my child to know his siblings, but I don't want to make it so their Grandmother has a harder time getting to see her only other grandchildren.  

My Dh's children have 4 other half siblings, and 4 step siblings.(three of the step siblings live with them as well, the 4th step siblings mother got Ex's husbands rights terminated, so they don't see that one much) So thats 9 kids that live in the house. My Dh's older child...I don't want to say that she doesn't love her siblings, but she gets sicks of soo many kids around.  I almost feel bad that I am adding another one LOL.  She was so excited because at our house she could have her own room :( Her own things.  I don't even know what to do with all their things.  I think that when my MIL moves to a bigger house I will give it to her to give to them. (Can't say it was from me,  because EX has a hissy fit if she thinks I am trying to have anything to do with them)

Ok so after typing that anthology LOL

The children have been going over consistently since DH passed.  Just like a regular visitation schedule except for even more time than EOW.  
If it turns out to be a mess in court, willl the documentation help MIL show that she is a consistent part of their life?  She even has stuff that can prove that she has had them on those days.

[Genie]

I am glad to hear things are OK with you.  I think your MIL has a very good case no matter what since the Judge basically told her this will happen after January.  Ex letting them call and go over there so often also goes in MIL's favor b/c that shows a good relationship established.  I don't think this will be a problem at all.  Over course Ex can always make waves afterwards but MIL will have to decide how far she wants to take it then.  However, it seems that the ex's seem to view the Grandparents as a bigger part of life than the Dad's are. I mean she denied your DH so much but has no problem with them at Grandma's house. She may actually welcome the break from the kids since there are 9 in the house. Yikes!!

Hang in there with that baby of yours. It will be out sooner or later. Then the fun will begin for you. I hope you will be able to handle this all on your own. I know you will be a great Mom but sometimes it is overwhelming to do it alone. But you have your MIL and hopefully other family around to help you. Don't forget to get the SS for the lil boy. Bet Ex will love it when her benefits go down b/c you are collecting for your son. I believe there is only a maximum amount that can be handed out. I also believe you can get benefits as his spouse taking care of the child too.  That will help I'm sure.

Last we heard I think she was taking you to court or making waves about the death certificate etc. Did all of that get figured out?

Hope everything continues to go well.  Wonder if you can ask for visitaiton rights on basis of siblings?

Where in IL are you?  I'm in Northern IL.

[whippertizzy]

Well they basically told her it wasn't worth it, and that SS will start her claim after I turn the death certificate into them along with mine, so just wait.   I told Ex that if she continued to harass me I would call the police and to have her lawyers call if there is something that really needs to be discussed.  I guess since she is going to be getting a decent sized chunk from SS she decided to drop the rest of it, and Yes she is mad that my child will be "getting a cut" of "her" money.  She is doubly mad that she has no claim to the life insurance money.  

[janM]

...go to //www.grandsplace.com.
Someone there may have info on your state's laws and/or have experience with visitation or joint custody for grandparents.

[MYSONSDAD]

First of all, glad you are keeping us updated. You have a lot on your plate and everyone here is concerned for you and your children.

As far as documenting. My mom documents everything. She will probably be put on the witness stand and she documents so she can give an accurate statement on things that are going on. We have PAS going on. Someone posted not long ago for family and friends to document what they see and hear. Won't hurt, but can certainly help if needed.

My question. Illinois Governor signed the Grandparents Rights bill in August of 2004. You stated the attorney suggested she wait until January. Is there an update to this recently signed bill?

I am in Illinois and my parents are thinking about getting visitation.

[whippertizzy]

It was the judge that told her she had to wait til January.  Same judge that was handling my DH's custody case. My Mother-in-law made an appearance for him after he died, just to let them know he died, and then asked the Judge what she needed to do to get visitation.

[whippertizzy]

Missed your end question, I am in central Il.

[whippertizzy]

I had the baby, and already it is causing problems with the EX, Grandma, and the kids. I can't wait til January when she goes back to court!

[forthekids24]

I hope you and your bundle of joy are both doing well.

Enjoy your baby, they are miracles, especially yours.

My prayers are with you!

FTK

[Genie]

Hope everything went well and you now have a beautiful baby boy.  What a wonderful Christmas present.  He will make them just a little bit easier.

As for the problems with the EX well that seemed to be a given. She doesn't want HER kids to be around HIM. Please he isn't their brother b/c he isn't a true brother b/c she isn't his Mother.  Been there done that.

From what you said I am assuming she is either denying Grandma to see them or is insisting baby isn't there when they are?

Hope things work out in January.  You need less stress in all of this.

Wish I was closer. But actually my SKs live in Bloomington.  But we don't see them very often now b/c of the ex and her games.