Transportation Issues

[nosonew]

Short background. Became cp 1 year ago. BM moved 2.5 hours away at that time. Have been meeting half-way...as agreed upon in case mgmt.

Due to my dh's work schedule, many times it falls to me to take and pick up. BM is now complaining to case mgr she has to work around my schedule too much..blah blah.  All not true. I have told her my schedule MAY interfere with a pick up or drop off, but that hasn't occurred up to now.

I just want OUT...I don't want it anymore. Im tired of defending myself. Any suggestions? I have already told dh I won't do it anymore. So, should I email the case mgr and let her know that due to the constant false allegations of my involvement being less than her expections, that I just bow out? Make sense?

I work a full time job, am going back to school full time for my bachelors, have two little girls 4, 2 yoa. I have dealt with her crap for 10+ years, and I am sick of it.

Suggestions?

Anyone know if there is a KS law that states anything about transportation when one party moves? Who should be responsible for transportation? I agree it is only fair to meet half way, but come on, I do that and she wants to make up lies. I don't need this stress in my life. Thanks....nosonew

[wendl]

Maybe you can agree on different time to meet, or maybe one parent can drive one way each.

Really hard when the parent must drive for oer 2hrs.
My dh is to meet 1/2 way at a certain time and a certain place.

Is their anyway dh can on the weekends you have the kids leave early, is his employer willing to work with him??

If the kids are older can they take a train or bus???

Just some suggestions.
Good luck

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[nosonew]

Good suggestions, DH has a job where he is on call 24/7, and when he goes to work...he drives a train out of state. So...it is hard to plan anything. Most times he is available at least once for each weekend ss goes to visit. DH has suggested that both parties take turns going all the way...she adamently refuses. Although I think we will use this suggestion to the case mgr...who has told bm she should have come to our town to pick ss up on occassion. Thanks Wendl...

Oh, and it makes it even worse that ss gets to make his own schedule with his mom. He is 15 and that is what was agreed upon.

[MixedBag]

I'm gonna play devil's advocate O.K.

Since you've been meeting half-way for a year now, if you took BM to court and asked that SHE do it all because SHE moved away, I think you'd lose.  SHE would argue that it's been working fairly well for a whole year now.

If it's giving you (SM) too many headaches, then the responsibility really falls back on the dad to make it happen.

It's not your responsiblity -- you are there to help Dad.  Maybe he's lost sight of that?

I wouldn't e-mail the case manager, let Dad take the stick and figure out how to make it work.

He might want to contact the case manager and say the same thing you want to -- SM isn't gonna do the transportation anymore because BM gives her too much hassle, and since I can't do it because of my work hours, we need to negotiate a new arrangement for transportation where each of us does half.

I think your family/side is gonna have to do have....you waited too long to get the courts to get Mom to do it all because she moved.

JMHO

[nosonew]

It was never an issue back then to try ot have her do all the driving, we didn't think that was fair. Even though she moved, but I do think she should be more flexible...and I am sure that your suggestion is exactly what we will do. Thanks!

[Genie]

one parent can't make it at specified time.

So if DH has to work and BM wants to see children, then she comes and picks them up at your house.  Then on Sunday DH has to drive them home.

Bet after doing this for while and dealing with a 5 hr drive, they will both become more cooperative and work this out in a more flexible manner.

[hagatha]

Nosonew,

Here's the deal. If you decide to opt out of all transportation, your Dh's visitation will be cut off. Each transporting one way won't work with her.  She will make excuses for not being available when your DH can pick the boy up, and more excuses for her to Have to pick him up so very early.

My advise is to stop allowing her to get to you. I know it's easier said than done. But trust me, after a while it will become second nature. You need to learn the "Yeah, whatever" concept. Every time she opens her mouth to spew negative crap, your reply should be "Yeah, whatever!" Oh and make sure it's said with a smile. (lol)

When the case mgr calls and tells you BM complains about this, simply roll your eyes and explain this issue has not been a problem, is not a problem and is not forseen to Be a problem. And ask why All The Sudden has BM decided to make this a problem??? Also ask the case mgr what she/he thinks the best resolution would be to solve this problem. You will look like the most cooperative parents and BM will look like the control freak she is.

The more she knows ahe is getting to you, the more she will try to screw with you.

The Witch

Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!!!!!!

This is a game of cat and mouse, the ONLY way to win is to become the DOG!!!!!!