Should we file contempt?

[frogger]

I am new here and in need of help.  My husband and I have been married for 6 years, he has been divorced for 9 years and has a 11 year old daughter.  He is the NCP and has about 40% time share.

My question(s) is this.  Mom has recently decided she does not agree with three of the court order items and has sent my husband letters stating she is not in agreement and will not be following them.  Two of the three issues involve visitation (one is for making up missed parenting time and the other is for an additional week of visitation to be taken during the year).  Since these issues are dealing with visitation and mom has out right put it in writing that she will not be following the court order, should we file contempt?

There has only been one incident in which she hasn't allowed my husband make up time since she sent the letter so do we need to wait until we have more incidents of her denial or with her stating flat out she won't follow the order should file contempt now.  We don't want to get to court and have the judge frustrated because we are wasting the courts time.  

[Kimberly9]

decide how important they are to you.  Is it worth the time, $$, frustration and ill will it will bring?   Your SD is 11 years old and a judge might allow missed visitation time as the child gets older and involved in activities.  The bm might decide to argue that there is a substantial change of circumstances and the order needs to be changed.  You might end up losing more than you can gain.

On the other hand, you don't want the mom to just be able to get away with walking all over you.  You need to protect your parenting time.

I guess I would just make sure that the good that can come from a contempt hearing is worth all the possible negative consequences.

[patton]

You have to wait until she is actually in CONTEMPT.  Just because she says in writing she's not going to do such and such, doesn not mean she will relent later.

I'd send her a CRR letter, stating the facts of the court order, and that she already has one contempt against her (IF You have solid proof it was a contempt).  I'd word it very nicely, but let her know if she does not do exactly as the court order states you will be forced to go back into court and possibly ask for physical custody of child.  Also state if you had physical custody you would NEVER withhold visitation from her and she is doing to you.

Get someone to check over your letter, who's not so involved in the case to probably "tone" is down some.

[frogger]

Patton - Thanks for your comments.  My husband missed parenting time due to being out of town on business and sent his ex a letter asking to make up the missed time on certain dates as specfied in our court order.  She responded stating she wasn't in agreement with giving him his make up time anymore, as now that my husband has the 1st, 3rd and 4th weekend (recently ordered prior it was every other wekeend) becuse if she gave him credit for a missed weekend she could go up to 5 weekends without having their daughter.  If he has already sent a letter asking for specific dates and she has responded saying no isn't this contempt?

[patton]

Does she have sole custody and the last say-so?  Since the order gives you this option, I would think there would be a clause in there somewhere, to the effect she has the say-so if this weekend the child was available.

I know you said you did it ahead of time, but suppose for example the child had party or appointment set way ahead of time that would be hard or impossible to change, I can see where she'd have the say-so here to either let the child visit or not.

Read that part very carefully.  See if you can find anything like that in the order, if not the ORDER is very vague on that issue and needs some clarification by a Judge

[gipsy]

My experience is  In Pierce county, washington , And You should keep that in Mind ,
      I have went through 3 three Atty's ,  I will explain the basics of what I have been told
    Atty # 1 [who wasn't too bad ] But I got pissed and fired him , Keep her feet to the coals He 'said', If she messes up take her to court !
     
 #2  Said " You Must show intent " And there has to be a history "
    " she has to have done it to intentionally deprive you of your parenting time ,
    #3 I hired him because he alway's put it into simple terms
         He said "if you let her get away with it you teach her that she can"
     SOOOO , Her letter is In My mind Intent to be in contempt ,
      But keep in Mind , You are right! the judges Or Commissioners
    Really don't want to hear all this crap, you Are going to see wich one ?
      So atty #3 say's this about contempt ,If you file the First time Pro Se , And you mess up, it doesn't matter , Because the Commissioner is not likely to Make a contempt finding on the first  Few times any way , So what happens really is that you just Make mom iether have to hire an atty to answer this , Or she has to take the time off work to go do it
herself , What ever the case it causes a reaction , And She has to
answer up , So then you also will be going through the process of learning to do it pro se ,  And it will cost you very little , And By the third or fourth time then you will have the contempt fileing figured out and By that time the commissioner will give you a contempt ,I would keep the letter and have a witness to the visitation denials
   Or she is Bluffing . Soo I would read the parenting plan And if it say's give her 3 weeks notice to the  extra week or what ever it say's go Do it  Show up and if she is in contempt file contempt , But What You are saying Is similar to things that have happened to me , Like  Mom tried to tell the school and the doctor that since the new court order was in place, giveing her sole decision Making , That they were to not co-operate with me , So My atty said well" It doesn't say that in the court order and you should go to the school and the doctor and be really nice and get the info you want , The reason is , Mom tried to say I took Ben out in the cold ,when there was doctors orders to not do that , So I went to the doctor and requested the info , And they gave it to Me , But it was about him haveing the croup , And it said no such thing , so I sent the info to her and her atty proving that she was lying , And this cured her , She quit telling every one all this BS because she realised she didn't run the show , The thing is , My atty told me not to let her get away with it , So I did not , And it puts a stop to it , This does not mean be rude to any one , It means be nice and participate and they will co-operate better than she will . And thats what goes on with the school also ,SO You have to decide where youmake your stand , I would say the least you would do is send a letter refering to the parenting plan , And say this is not what the parenting plan say's and I would appreciate your co-operation , .I suggest being nice , And say you will be showing up for the court ordered times and places , I hope you will be there ,Then keep a copy of your letter and her letter, and if she does it again file contempt , I jumped around a bit but these are just some ideas , I implore you to absolutely not let her just get away with it ,! But it may resolve , I also say Don't make an offensive fight about it iether , Just nicely stand your ground ,

[FL_48603]

>>My question(s) is this.  Mom has recently decided she does not agree with three of the court order items and has sent my husband letters stating she is not in agreement and will not be following them.  Two of the three issues involve visitation (one is for making up missed parenting time and the other is for an additional week of visitation to be taken during the year).  Since these issues are dealing with visitation and mom has out right put it in writing that she will not be following
the court order, should we file contempt?<<

I think it is safe to say that the issue must be brought to the Judge's attention, which while not offering legal advice, you could do by filing OSC for modification of custody and child support USING your above explanation in your written Declaration which you would attach to your declaration page FORM MC - 031.

I have over six instances wherein the mother of my daughter is in violation of our existing order.  Although I have a pending motion now and have produced copious amounts of documented evidence from state licensed officials, I don't really have to produce evidence for most of my basis for contempt, becuase my ex-wife admits under penalty of perjury in her responsive declaration that she is guilty of said violations.

FILE CONTEMPT, right?  WRONG!  According to my attorney, I must take the "moral high-road" and not be percieved by the judge as the "uppity dad".

Evidently my ex-wife enjoys the privillege of breaking the order of the court wheresoever it pleases her and if I excercise my right to protect my child, well then I get bent over...

In Re: CASE NUMBER: FL – 48603
       Undetected Abuse.

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is James Chamberlain and I am a resident of
Northern California at 865 Red Bluff CA 96080.

I am a non-custodial parent of a seven year old
daughter and my ex-wife's father is also her pro-bono
divorce attorney in Tahema County Superior Case: FL –
48603.

My ex-wife suffers from serious psychological
problems, caused our car to be reposessed, ran up
thousands of dollars in bills, bouncing checks to and
verbally abusing our landlord who then issued us
eviction papers, the after gambling our family's money
away while on a drug binge in Las Vegas, abducted our
child and fled our marriage.

In March of 1999 she abducted our child and
disappeared with her for weeks.

Nonetheless, she has been sheltered from these issues
and her father filed divorce papers to legitimize my
ex-wife's child kidnapping after the fact.

Recently I had to take my daughter to the doctor
because she was complaining of a sprained wrist.
While at the doctor's my daughter told the doctor that
the first time the child's wrist began hurting was
when "mommy was hitting" her (evidently the child was
blocking a blow).

Weeks later the child susatained a break to this same
wrist while in the mother's care, but rather than
taking the child to the hospital to have the wrist
examined and treated, the mother cloistered the child
at the grandmother's trailer in the hills of
Cottonwood.

Previously my ex-wife has had her father revoke my
parental rights and in each instance I gain them back
with more time with my child being granted to me than
before.  

Most recently when I restored my parental rights I
immediately took my daughter to get her teeth worked
on to discover that the mother had allowed the child
to go 7 years with only one trip to the dentist and
the child now had eight cavities, needed two root
canals and one molar extraction.

There are also issues of the mother enabling parental
alienation which while constituting emotional abuse is
far more challenging to track and prove.

Because of all of this I filed a motion to modify
custody so that I could act as Primary Caregiver while
the mother completes her schooling and whatever else
it is keeping her from caring sufficiently for my
daughter's needs.

This has dragged out for months and now when my
daughter is seen by counselors they all scratch their
heads and state that my daughter does not look like
she is being abused.

I explain that there is no way to detect the abuse in
a situation where the mother is aware she is under
scrutiny and even in light of the doctor's notes,
teacher's notes, dentist's notes and even the mother's
own admissions to returning to corporal punishment in
violation of the existing order which she submitted
under the penalty of perjury to The Court in her
responsive declaration - no body seems interested or
motivated to assist with contempt of court or criminal
investigations.

I am trying right now to find statistics pertinent to
the number of children who are discovered to have been
abused which were previously undetected even by
counselors, etc.

Please advise,

James D. Chamberlain
[email protected]
865 Locust Street
Red Bluff CA 96080
530.527.5160