NCP leaving for extended period of time

[tslmom]

Hi All!  I posted on this site off and on for many years.  It has been a long time since I have been on here.  I received very good points and advice in the past and hope to do same again.  Here is the situation:

I was informed yesterday that Dad is taking a new job overseas for about a year.  He is not in the service, this is completely his choice.  He said the only way to basically communicate is through email which he will provide it to me once he gets settled in.  There is a chance he won't make it back as he is going to Iraq.

Now, child will be 9 this summer.  Child doesn't have much of a relationship or bond with the BF.  Not saying she does not have a love for him as I know she does.  But the relationship is more just a visiting type and not fatherly.  And it is worse with the stepmother and Stepsister and paternal GM.  She refuses to go unless dad is home, then she goes with some problems.  There are issues of the SM and GM plotting together to get child taken from me.  They have tried unsucessfully for 5 years now and tried through every avenue they can think of.  All to no avail.  (B/C there is NOTHING going on here)  That is what I posted about in the past on her...all the false allegations etc.

He is leaving in 24 days.  We made arrangements for him to get child when he is in prior to him leaving.  (his current job will have him gone from now till the 25th or thereabouts...then he will not be employed till he leaves for Iraq).  Other than that, he won't be exercising visitation obviously.

We talked of contact and he said the only way he can communicate effectively is through email.  Said they have phones over there but he was told that they are not that good and then you have specific times to use it, etc.  I mentioned maybe I could get my DH to make a website for him and child.  She could have a 'blog' and write on it daily or from time to time about her day, week, etc.  He can keep up that way too.  We could post pictures for him, and he could do same too if he wanted.

Any other ideas?  

Also, I asked him if he talked to an attorney to see if there is anything we need to take care of prior to his leaving and he said nope.  There is nothing to do.  (I have sole custody).  But, I didn't know if anything needed or should be addressed in court????

Personally I think he is not setting his priorities straight.  He said he is doing this b/c he will make more in one year than he will working here for 4 years.  Our child is not the only one.  He is married, adopted a stepchild and they have a preschooler together too.

Thanks in advance for your advice.

tslmom

[Kimberly9]

The only thing I can think of are web cams.  We have used them with some success -- of course we are in the same time zone.  LOL

But with a web cam you can "see" the other person, which is nice.  

Dad sounds crazy.

Is stepmom going to press you for visitation time for the siblings while  he is away?  Do you have a plan for that?

[tslmom]

>The only thing I can think of are web cams.  We have used them with some success -- of course we are in the same time zone.  LOL
>
>But with a web cam you can "see" the other person, which is nice.  
>
>Dad sounds crazy.
>
>Is stepmom going to press you for visitation time for the siblings while  he is away?  Do you have a plan for that?

I don't think he will want the web cam.  I don't think he will actually have his own computer with him...something I will ask him though.

Crazy???  LOL  understatement IMO.

Visitation was mentioned but not the full thing.  They were talking like maybe a day here or there.  I said just keep me posted on important dates that the family would like to have her on and we will do the best we can.  

tslmom

[VAStepmom]

I don't think I'd go so far as to call the BD crazy for taking this job.  The man has a child with you AND family to support, and people are making a FORTUNE as civilian contracters overseas.  He's thinking of them and should be commended.  Besides, it is only a year.

Yes it is dangerous, but so is being in the military.  You wouln't be calling him crazy if he was getting stationed overthere would you?  Probably not.  

SM has a right to "press for visitation."  You would be a jerk to refuse it.  There are children involved here that are blood relatives to your child.  You need to support and encourage your child's relationship with her SM and siblings, whether you like them or not.  You sound like you're all for your child and BD maintaining a relationship while he is away, you should not forget the family he is temporarily leaving behind.  I hope you make the right decision.      

[tslmom]

In our state the only person that can "press for visitation" is the biological Grandparents.  And then it is very hard to obtain.  the GM has to prove that she attempted to see child through me on numerous occasions and I refused.  She can't cry that I won't do it on her terms.

Regardless, I have no intentions of forgetting my child's blood brother and stepsister.  Nor anyone from that family for that matter.  

[VAStepmom]

I understand that the SM might not have a legal right to ask for visitation, but she certainly has a right to ask you to let the kids see each other.  Then the ball will be in your court to do the right thing.  Good for you for keeping her best interests at the forefront.