SLAPPING, SPANKING, ETC.

[chiquito2005]

My son who is now 7 has become more and more unruly and impolite... I was devastated when his cousins told me that he was misbehaving when he slept over and got to the point of using the "F" word and telling to her aunt "you're stupid"... He screams almost at every turn when interacting with others and even me. All the other forms of punishement are losing impact and he is poking fun of time outs... His mother spanks him and uses other forms of corporal punishement. But so far I haven't done that but my family, relatives, are pressuring me that I need to watch for my child and some good spanking and slapping will make a difference... just like we grew up. I agree with them 100%. Among other things, it is clear that spanking will teach him good lesssons because he wouldn't misbehave to that extent when he is with his mother who disciplines him with spanking and the like. What I am very afraid of is accusations of children abuse if I dare to spank or slap. I am the father and I am the non-custodial parent.

In light of the above, what is your comment from a legal standpoint? what has been the position of the courts about spanking and slapping? Is it illegal to use corporal punishement when disciplining a child? The last thing I want is to find myself in family court or under supervised visitation because I spanked my child. Please don't lecture me about those long, unproven and "politically correct" theories on how spanking is child abuse, talk to the child, affection, yadi yada... I practice all of that to no avail. I just need to know the legal implications if I am sued on the ground of slapping my child. Thanks a lot for your help.

[joni]

I don't know that spanking is the end all be all solution for your son.  It's not always a quick fix.  Clearly it's not working as mom is spanking and the child is getting worse.  Sounds like the child is repressing his bad behavior and feelings around her to avoid being spanked.  The underlying problem is still there.  I think you need to get to the heart of that to fully understand what's going on.

As far as the law, most states allow spanking as a form of punishment within reason.  There's a page with a list of the spanking laws by state but I don't have that link anymore.

The more important issue here is what is going on with your son?  Why is he acting out?  Is he good at school.  Is he only bad with you?  

Try talking to his teacher to get some insights.  Is he being bullied at school and now is he doing this out of frustration?  Was there a major change in his life like a new home or maybe a friend moved away?  I think the teacher and school couselor would be a good way to start to get to the bottom of this.  

Have you sat down with your son and asked him why he's so angry?  You'd be surprised at what he might reveal.  Maybe mom is trashing you to him and when he gets around you, he's angry at you and misbehaving.

[gipsy]

My son is five < He does things just to push , And he intentionally testes me , He gets into my truck and kicks the glove box , I have told him all about how not to ruin My stuff , Finally I slapped his leg with My fingers , A good sting one time , He quit doing it , I think For my rule of thumb I say one good sting On the butt Or leg is not abuse . Repeated hittng is , I was brought up in an abusive house and I really thought I would never spank My son , But I have spanked him 3 times in five years , Time outs are good , And no desert .Etc . Let me remind you all people are of a certain temperment , And My son Loves to break things apart to see how they work , And he tests the cuss words etc ,SOOOO what !!!! He told me he breaks things with His Moms Boy friends younger Boy, also , I try to teach Him what he can smash up , But he still destroys his toys , I watch him and He said He wants to see whats inside it , And how it works , Welcome to the real world [Kids] Can be monsters , Try a parenting book , or class , But As I said I was from an abusive family , So please don't beat any child , The results are something that reaches far into adult life , Abuse is with Belts rubber hoses , Sticks and etc ,
  A spanking is with Your fingers , If you whip your fingers , It will hurt you before it is abuse , And two wacks max , Thats what I go By , But mainly if you are at wits end take a parenting class , Oh Yah! My son had a friend over and he for some reason went nuts one day at Mcdonalds , After I was telling him to behave , He said " you are Bullshit " And tried to read me a ration of  Crap , I said " If you do it again we are going home and your friend is going home , He quit , I knew if he didn't quit I had to follow through , Its hard to follow through when we have them for (visits) Because we want to have fun ,  I know Sticking to my punishments works , Like he won't eat sometimes . So I made Him go to bed [During the day ] And He also Tries to get  desert . And gives me a ration of 5 YO con artist games , So I have to say . No dinner No dessert , . He said Just last week , Ok I'll eat dinner . Because he knows from Expierience I won't give him dessert , . You have to follow through , even a  15 minute time out is following through , My cousin makes his daughter sit in her bedroom with No toys no Tv for 15 minutes when she miss behaves , He said this works ,
   I do understand that talking doesn;t always work [not] with My son . So there has to be a punishment . Like I shut the Tv off on Him the other day , He Listens better now ! there are alternatives to hitting a child , So I ask. Have you ever followed through with time outs? ,No Tv , No toy's for even 30 Minutes ? Try it ,Taking them home from friends houses works for misbehaving