Summer visitation and Summer school

[Kboeds]

I got a letter from my ex yesterday. One of the subjects he mentioned was the summer visitation dates I gave him before April 1st as court ordered.

My daughter has been talking about going to summer school all year so that she can try and graduate a year early. I have asked her several times what the summer school schedule will be. She said she thinks there is one session in June and another in July. I told her that I was planning my summer visitation with her in July so she needed to go to summer school in June.

Well about 3 days ago, DD calls me and ask if she can come to my house from June 12 to June 26 because her step mother is taking a two week vacation to California without the kids. I said, you don't want to stay home with your dad? DD said that Dad may be working out of state again in June. (Dad has already been working out of state since Jan, and just got back home about a week ago.

I told DD that I didn't mind her coming over but I had already requested the time I wanted and I was not going to change that and substitute for June when that is not what I wanted. DD said that she would be spending both two week periods with me.

I then asked her about summer school, and how she could go if she was at my house for two weeks in June and two weeks in July. DD said she may not be able to go to summer school because they would be too busy this summer.

Back to the letter I received today. BF says that he is okay with my request, but that DD will be going to summer school this summer and I may have to drive her back and forth to school every day. My daughters school is 35 or 40 miles away from my home. That would mean me driving 140 or more miles every day during my summer visitation with her.

I have reason to believe that if BF is going to working out of state in June and SM is going to California they will purposely schedule her in July so that I am forced to provide her transportation.

Can they do that? Can I prevent them from putting her in summer school during my summer visitation when I gave them notice in March and they have not yet scheduled her class. Also, I gave them my notice before they made their plans.

Any suggestion?

Thanks
KB

[Ref]

I guess it all depends on whta your orders say. If they say that your visitation is set by notification, I can't imagine that they can order you to take her to summer school. Also, this summer school is not manditory so I can't imagine that they could schedule that more than any other activity.

How long would this summer school run? If you have her for four weeks and that is the length of the school, maybe you can sign her up in your area.

Just my thoughts.

[Imom]

It also depends on what state you are in and how old the child is. You talked about graduation so I assume the child is of teen years. If you lived here in Indiana, yes you would have to take the child to summer school or lose our visit. It is a "guideline" the courts follow..........both parents are to take the childs "wishes, activities and life" into account as they get into teen years. Here the child's whishes would over ride yours (on this matter) in court because she is of teen years.

You are not talking about an activity you are talking about education, so who cares if its not required. Its important to the child  she wants to graduate sonner/maybe go to collage sooner (atleast here she could).

[Ref]

Ummm...I would think that if a child were to HAVE to go to summer school or fail out of school that it would be required that the child go to school whereas if it is only to hasten graduation, that would be a decision made by the child, parents and school. If the parents do not feel the child is mature enough or that it would in other ways negatively affect the child, they should have the choice. This is why I likened this summer school to an activity instead of required schooling.

I am not trying to be funny, but I am not sure that "taking the child's wishes into consideration" means that you HAVE to do whatever they want. If the child "wishes" to go to a rock concert during your time, that does not mean that they can go and it doesn't mean that you have to drive them.

I understand that the child seems to be trying to make a mature and very responsible decision by going to summer school. I also feel, with the limited knowledge of the situation, that being flexible and switching visitation time for such a benefit for the child would probably be the best way to go.

JMO

[Kitty C.]

.............is get a consensus between daughter and ex as EXACTLY what is happening this summer.  She says she isn't going, he says she is.  Get them to agree first and go from there.

But Ref is right, it might be education, but it is STILL an elective for her, NOT mandatory for her to graduate.  Went thru this last summer, so I know.  So the mom canNOT be forced to take the daughter to it.

[Kboeds]

The order states I am to give him written notice by April 1 of a year specifying an extended period or periods of summer possession for that year. I shall have possession of the child for two weeks beginning no earlier than the day after the child's school is dismissed for the summer vacation in that year, to be exercised in two consecutive weeks or two separate weeks, but no more then two separate periods of at least seven consecutive days each, as specified in the written notice. These periods of possession shall begin and end at 6:00 P.M. If I do not give him notice by April 1 of the year.. I shall have possession of the child for fourteen consecutive days in the year beginning at 6:00 P.M. on July 1 and ending at 6:00 P.M. on July 15.

If he gives me notice by April 15 of a year he shall have possession of the child on any one weekend beginning at 6:00 P.M on Friday and ending at 6:00 P.M on the following Sunday, but not during my two week period of possession.

The letter he sent was dated April 18th and post marked on the 19th.
The way I see it he can not plan anything for her during my time with her. My problem is if he does what can I do?

Ref, you mentioned having more details on flexibility of the schedule.
My dh only see's his children 2 or 3 times a year and the two weeks we have them in the summer is our longest period of time with them. My dh and I use all our vacation each year for times that his children are here. We don't want to put them with a sitter when they only get to come 2 or 3 times a year. My dh and I alternate weeks with the kids and if at all possible both take off.

My dh is court ordered to notify his ex by Jan 31 of each year as to when he will be taking the kids for the summer. Dh and I have had our vacation time set with our employers since January. Dh will be taking the week of July 4 thru July 8 and I am taking July 11 thru July 15. We also have the weekends.

As stated in the court order, if I had not given my ex notice of when I wanted dd, I would have been court ordered to have her July 1 thru July 15 anyway. I hope that answers your flexibility question.

A little more history, I had custody of dd up until Oct of last year. She moved to her bf's in May of 04. During the 14 1/2 years I had custody I never once threatened or took her father back to court for any reason. In the year that my dd has lived with her father, he threatened me with court 2 times before he filed for custody 4 months before our agreed trial period ended, and since Oct has threatened me 2 more times, for motion to enforce, and more child support. Bf, or I actually believe SM is determined to make life miserable for me. He did it when I had custody and he continues to do it even now that he has custody.

I have every reason to believe that he will purposely schedule her for summer school (elective) just to force me to either give up my time with her, or force me to spend more then $100 dollars in gas and approximately 20 hours driving her back and forth to school for a week of my time. The summer school calendar has not been posted, but the calendar does show that the kids are on vacation during the week of July 4 to July 8. That is the week my husband will be home with the kids.  

Thank you all for your suggestion. I just don't know if I can stop him from scheduling her during that time. If he does schedule her I don't know what I'm going to do.

KB

[lucky]

I know what I would do were my ex to schedule an elective (educational or not) during my time -- NOT TAKE HER.  However, I also would NOT advertise that I wasn't going to take her until AFTER I had picked her up.

Or, another thing you could do is write him back and tell him that you've followed the court order in notifying him and that (very nicely) you do not schedule activities for dd during his time and you would appreciate it if he did not do so during your time.  Then (again very nicely) state that you will not adhere to any elective activities or events during your time unless you have registered her or scheduled the event.  Then reiterate that you selected XXX dates in your letter dated XXXX and you intend to exercise your summer parenting time during those dates.  Attach a copy of the letter you originally sent and then send it to him certified RRR (perhaps put a delivery restriction so ONLY he can sign for it).

I honestly don't think a judge will be very happy to be brought into this.  Given that there is ample proof that you've done everything you're supposed to and that you've planned WELL in advance I wouldn't think a judge would hold you to blame if you refused to take her -- after all there are two sessions, send her to the first one.  And (IMO) if both sm and dad are supposed to be gone then, well, they should have planned better, don't you think? But you never know what a judge would say were this to get in front of one.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[Kboeds]

Thank you Lucky,
I agree about them planning better. That is exactly why I think he will plan it during my time. He and his wife already have plans in June and he isn't going to mess that up with a summer school schedule. It is easy for him  to take my time, that does not affect him.

I spoke to dd this morning and I told her that I got a letter from her dad stating that she may be in summer school during my visitation. I told dd that she and I had discussed that the other day and that I had already told her, I would not drive her back and forth for summer school and that she  would need to take it in June. DD again said that she didn't know if she was taking it or not this year because it is a really busy summer at dads house. BF working out of town, SM two week vacation, two sisters going off to college, and her spending time with me. She said she may have to wait until next year.

I will be writing her bf in response to the letter he sent, as there were other items mentioned as well. I plan to address the summer school situtation, and I guess I will have to see what happens. I get the impression that dd will tell them she is not going to summer school if it means missing her visitation with me.  (She is liking me again and seems more aware of their attempts to interfere with our relationship.)

Thanks for all the suggestions.
KB

[LizaLou1]

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[Kboeds]

I don't know how long the summer school sessions are. It would mean going to a different district and I don't know how difficult that is to set up. In any case, if the session is longer then the time she will be here, then that would mean her bf would have to drive as much as I do after she goes home. We will have to see what happens.

Thanks for the suggestion.

KB