Concede to BM for sake of child or stand ground?

[HeavenSent]

SS should begin summer with Dad on Friday.  BM has arranged for SS to be at summer camp until Saturday.  He will return from camp on a bus with the other kids, and the parents will pick up thier kids at the designated meeting place.  

Although son told us of the plans 6 weeks ago, he was not supposed to.  BM never informed of plans, so DH asked BM about it and she refuses to give any information because that is on her time and she doesn't have to tell him anything about it.  

Dad has made it very clear that he is in favor of camp, and is glad to arrange his schedule around it.  But BM refuses to allow Dad to pick up son from his return from camp.  DH has held firm that his time begins on Friday and unless they come to an agreement, he expects the court order to be followed.

BM is so adament that Dad not know anything or be envolved, that she says she plans to "file something" with the courts so that she can keep son through Saturday.  Otherwise, she will just drive the four hours to the camp on Friday to pick up son early and have him to Dad at the regular time.  

BM pulls something every summer (and holidays, and birthdays, and weekends, etc etc etc).  Last summer DH's attorney got her antics before the judge who ruled in our favor and awarded DH two extra weeks of makeup time.  Of course this situation is too petty to make it that far.

By the way:
Son is 11.
BM is blaming Dad (to son) for messing up his camp.
Court is in July asking to change custody to Dad.
The Saturday in question is BM's B-day.
The correspondence between BM & DH is via e-mail.
DH has never refused a request to change schedules.
BM has refused approx 90% of requests to re-arrange schedules.

The only question is whether or not DH should just allow her to do what she wants in order to spare son, or stand his ground.  We don't want son to miss the last night at camp, and BM is already filling his head full of bull about it.

Thanks for the thoughts and advice!

HvnSent

[YahYah]

without dad's consent, if he has court ordered visitation, he should write to her... certified return receipt, and in the letter tell her very explicitly that he is in agreement with her, since has not been given a choice, so his opinion really doesn't matter, that son can go to camp for this session and stay through Saturday, missing his first day of summer vacation with dad, but that dad will make up this missed day at the end of summer vacation.

[justwantstobeadad]

sounds like her sneaky way of having him for some time on her b-day.
So just outright ask her "is this so you can spend some time with him on your b-day?" If she says no then tell her you want him as stated in order, if she says yes take the high ground and offer her part of that day or even an hour to have lunch or something like that with him. It would only help to show how cooperative you are when you go to court and how un cooperative she is because a judge usually has to look at who will best try foster a good relationship with the non-custodial parent. Make sure you keep documentation of EVERYTHING yea, I know what a pain but do it! When court comes around it will help. We keep a regular calader handy and write all interactions with her and children. Good Luck in court!

[nosonew]

She is likely also been known to state that there is a "separation anxiety issue" also...right?

Which means SHE has separation anxiety IF he goes to dads only. :) URGH.

Document via email (hope you have readnotify.com which keeps certified receipts of emails being opened, when, from where, etc)...

State you will allow this, and your dh will EXTEND his visitation by the # of hours he was denied. All for ss's sake. SS will be upset if it doesn't happen the way all the other kids get to do it.

Tell her pick up time Sat, etc. and then keep him for # of hours PAST the time you are supposed to return him.

Good luck...you have a bm like I do!

[stillmom]

to the person who told us about readnotify,,thanks so much, wish I had known about this a long time ago,would have been so useful. I couldn't find out how much it cost, could you tell me please? My daughters step mother was opening and deleting her mail from me, I just couldnt prove it. She always said she didnt get it and I knew someone had. Thanks     Now for the reply lol, I found that if you talk to the child and find out their interest you can go from there.but if you give an inch, you'll more than likely have to go the mile.

[awakenlynn]

I agree.  I would make sure a copy goes into your court record too, to endure it is in the file.  As it is BM's birthday, and son is 11, it may be a big deal for both.

Just let her know there WILL be a make-up day and stand ground on it.

Lynn

[awakenlynn]

Hi,

What is this.  I have never heard of it before and we use the e-mail alot to communicate with ex?

Thanks,
Lynn

[stillmom]

I just found out about it thru this post I'm trying to find out more myself, talk to the other members, I havent got an answer on my questions yet, but you can look it up as I did at readnotify.com has some good things, such as tracking emails, letting you know where and what time they were opened etc. good luck

[stillmom]

>She is likely also been known to state that there is a
>"separation anxiety issue" also...right?
>
>Which means SHE has separation anxiety IF he goes to dads
>only. :) URGH.
>
>Document via email (hope you have readnotify.com which keeps
>certified receipts of emails being opened, when, from where,
>etc)...
>
>State you will allow this, and your dh will EXTEND his
>visitation by the # of hours he was denied. All for ss's sake.
>SS will be upset if it doesn't happen the way all the other
>kids get to do it.
>
>Tell her pick up time Sat, etc. and then keep him for # of
>hours PAST the time you are supposed to return him.
>
>Good luck...you have a bm like I do!

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

Readnotify.com is supposed to essentially work like a digital version of "Certified Mail" with "Delivery Confirmation".

I used it for the trial period, hopefully to gather evidence that biomom at least received and opened the emails I was sending, hence her inability to claim ignorance about any of the issues in conflict.

In my case, Readnotify.com stated that biomom only opened (i.e., "read") one of the 8 emails I sent via Readnotify.com.

I was thinking, "Okay, so now at least I've got proof that she's ignoring my communications", which spoke to her ability to cooperate.

But when she replied to the content of my #8 email, while Readnotify.com still was informing me that she never opened it, it was enough to tell me that the service isn't 100% reliable, and I canceled it.

If relevant, my ex uses AOL, so maybe that has something to do with it.