Mediation canceled... again!

[IceMountain]

Ok, my ex informed me that she will be rescheduling our mediation appt. again!  This will be the 3rd change.  

1.  Mediation was ordered 5/31/05.  At the time our case was at a 'stand still' because I filed to order mediation in my county - and she filed a petition to modify in her county - in the same week.  She didn't inform the court of the current case, etc. and I had to file to have it dismissed.  (which was done on 6/30/05.)

2.  My ex then filed contempt charges on me, again in her county, and I had to go to court on 6/30/05 and spend almost $600 on a lawyer to get the contempt dropped and venue sent back to my county.  I did not set up mediation until the case in her county was dropped because I knew she wouldn't go anyway when she was adamant venue should be in her county.

3.  The 1st mediation was set up by me and canceled by me, but because she couldn't go.  I rescheduled the appt.

4.  She called and 'tried' to reschedule the 2nd appt. which resulted in the mediator's office contacting me and my lawyer and stating how uncooperative she was in rescheduling the appt.  The specific mediator was ordered by the court and only took appts. 2 days a week.  

5.  I met with my lawyer 2 weeks ago and she advised me that we really needed to get the mediation over by the end of this month because the order for mediation was signed on 5/31/05 and we had 60 days to comply, which was 7/31/05.  She suggested that since the mediator ordered by the court was obviously not working for my ex that I should just let her pick a new mediator, a date, a time, etc.... make it easy for her and maybe she'd run out of excuses for not being able to attend.

Well the ex found a mediator and we are supposed to go on Friday.  She said she can't afford the appt. again and that she will be trying to reschedule in 2 weeks.

6.  We are now 21 days past the deadline for the court order.

So now I have a decision to make.  My lawyer advised me that if the mediation was not completed by 8/31/05 I could charge her with contempt.  She also advised me that in reality she could file a motion to bypass mediation and just go to trial because of the bs.  (I live in a county where it is required)  In a previous post I mentioned how my ex didn't agree with 90% of my proposal, so I guess I'm not sure what would be best to do at this point.

Should I charge her with contempt?  Should I agree with another rescheduling?  Or should I just say the hell with mediation and get a trial date?  I haven't talked to my lawyer yet.

On a side note, the original petition to modify was done 6/04 and I received a notice from the court saying that the case needed to be decided by 12/31/05 or I face a dismissal.

All opinions are appreciated!!

[gipsy]

My atty told me to schedule mediation , And he would schedule , A court date , If she did not attend then we go to court , And show the paper from mediation that said we mediated or not , It came back that she did not respond ,, So I took that paper to court , And asked the commissioner to move forward with my visitation , And the commissioner did ,
  My situation was simply that My atty knew the parenting plan stated , 'in conflict resolution "  Before court this goes to court Mediation must be attempted ' My atty knew if I tried court before mediation the commissioner would say the same as the court in your case , And send us out the door  to mediation ,, " My atty's theory was " Not" to bother fileing contempt , But to just ask the court for what I wanted because she did not paricipate ,
  It has been my expierience that the court looks a relevant facts , And Gave me some of what I wanted and some of what she wanted as far as visitation , And the best I did was to not be one of the mud slingers but to , Argue the case on what I want, and just say she did not mediate so I had to ask the court to settle it , Maybe ask your atty about one or the other  contempt, or  for what ever parenting plan you want and see wich  one the court gives you , Ask your atty if contempt would be difficult because ' You also rescheduled mediation ,
  In my mind that makes the mediation failure a he said she said mud slinger , When I think you should just go for what you  want in the same court  proceeding , Theres some food for thought when you speak to your atty next .
   My two cents is send her a notice with a court date set , And say if we get this settled before the court date then we don't have to go to court , But the court date is set just in case we can't make mediation by the court date then at that time I will be asking the cour to accept My proposals

[IceMountain]

I'm not sure if my lawyer can schedule a court date without achieving the mediation milestone because it was ordered by the court.  In order to bypass mediaton she has to file a motion to do so, but I believe she said that she cannot ask for a court date until mediation is complete.  It may have something to do with the length of the trial, which she was hoping to get it to a 1-2 hour trial instead of an all-day trial.  She was hoping we could get some things agreed to at mediation and would not have to go to trial on those particular issues.

I know that since I rescheduled the first mediation appt. it is a he-said, she-said situation where she could say that date would have worked, etc.  In hindsight I should have let her do the rescheduling, but since I was leaving to go over the road I had to get it set up before I left and she wasn't taking the initiative to do so.

Sending her a notice about a court date won't do much good in achieving mediation in our case because she doesn't want to mediate and wants to just go to court.  That's why I'm thinking that I should just have my lawyer file the motion to have mediation waived and get the court date and the headache of mediation over with.

The disadvantage to that, of course, is I don't have a clue what her arguments are going to be other than what she has already divulged to me.  I also won't have a clue what type of proposal she will offer.  Having mediation will give me a heads-up to what her rebuttal will be.

But, since she doesn't want to mediate it is probably a waste of time to continue trying to do so.  I have, what I believe to be, a solid parenting plan (I used the site's samples).  But, I'm realistic in that the proposal is at the mercy of the judge.  

The other thought I have about contempt is that I don't want it to appear as if I am being vengeful in filing contempt to get back at her for dragging me into court on bs contempt charges that were dropped.  I don't want to give any judge reason to believe that I am not out for what is truly best for my son.

[gipsy]

I have been through the whole thing , And You are probably right , About contempt , I think you should focus on solving the problem of getting a good parenting plan . At My trial no one even brought up the issue of the previous contempt . And It seems the judge doesn't really care about all the BS , Unless it is extensive contempts and is showing a pattern , Just like I don't think the judge will really care that she stalled mediation ,In My case Her refusal to respond gave the Green light to take her too court and ask the commissioner to sign My proposed parenting plan , As In my case ,court isn't really as big of deal as all the hype , But My words of advice are , If you are trying to talk the judge into your side of the deal , Its better that most of your talk is about you and the good relation ship with your son , So I would try to think of as many projects , and normal events you do with you son , And thats what My atty asked me about the most in front of the judge .
  Basically My atty's line of questioning had to do with the good facts about my relation ship with my son , And I can't recall that there was really any questions from iether atty that was meant to make some one look bad , If I was in your shoes , I would think about trying to get your atty to file the paper to bypass mediation . Then go to court . Based on this ,
 If you file contempt and Mom still doesn't cooperate you may have a contempt, but the you still have to set another date to Bypass mediation , And then wait and set a court date after that hearing , SOOO If the order to pass mediation doesn't get mom to mediate then why would contempt ? And with contempt you will be no closer to the case being solved , With the motion to Pass mediating, at least you will be closer to a court date " If all goes well . Or have your atty file both on the same day ! If your atty is reasonable ,
  Its very frustrating that they do this , But the court doesn't really seem to care , So Those were my thoughts to get you to the desired parenting plan , then if she doesn't go by the parenting plan file contempt the first time ,
 And every time , Basically I don't have a lot of problems now because in the beginning I had the psycho in court like every few months because she would not agree " So I had to get court orders every time My son reached an age when the parenting plan gave me more time '
  And she knows after all that And My atty letter about her missing my visit time , That said Contempt or make up time , She gave the make up time . And she knows from expierience that I am not afraid to take her to court , And the judges gave me a little more time each time as my son grew older . Untill he reached the age of 4 yo , And now its pretty much the standard parenting plan ,
   Maybe have your atty send a letter that say's < " we are at a crossroad " Are we mediating or fileing an order to bypass mediation " I will be typing the motion to the court on XXX Day and if you have complied by then we don't file it ; If not we will file
  Your ex deos not want to mediate and thats fine < But does she want court less , ITS A SIMPLE QUESTION !! And you are going to have to take action to find out ,Maybe discuss the contempt versus , The motion to pass mediation first thing tommarow with your atty . I know My psycho  Had to have everything heard by the commissioner ! And thats just the way it goes , None of this would be at all shocking to the court , Its another day of work for them , I think Its the wording in your declarations that shows deciept or not , Just word you declaration simply ,

 "" We tried to get to mediation the time is passed and mom isn't trying to cooperate so I ask the judge to approve my parenting plan and or sign the motion to bypass mediation " That is a factual statement "
 I fired an atty because he wrote A four page declaration , And in the end  the comissioner looked a bit queried , And said " what are they asking for " And I had a feeling the commissioners don't really read all that crap any way , And they DON'T  so don't waste your money , Just make a simple declaration and tell your atty that you are not into the expensive lenghty crap , Just the facts ,

[smtotwo]

When DH's ex wouldn't go to mediation we simply went to the courthouse and told the clerk of courts-who told the judge- that ex wasn't cooperating with mediation and that mediation MUST OCCUR within 15 days and her attorney would be responsible for the cost and she could reimburse him.

When her attorney received the letter about his office paying, they were in mediation in about 4 days.

Didn't matter anyway, she refused to cooperate and we had to go to court, but like you we couldn't get to court until mediation was finished.

GOOD LUCK!

[IceMountain]

We managed to finally get to mediation, but it was a complete waste of time.  So now we are off to court ------>

[gipsy]

At least that useless issue has passed ! Now move on ,