Out of State Visitation

[wannaseemykid]

Hi. I'm new here and had a question. My husband and I live in a different state than his son and we are having difficulties visiting. We went to court last summer and somehow, BM was able to get in the custody agreement (determined by the judge) the child was not to leave the county until age 7 even though they have joint custody. We are allowed to visit whenever we want but due to the fact we are both military, we are not in complete control of our vacationing schedule. We have offered for grandma to travel with him to visit us at our home for a couple of days with us paying all travel expenses and she won't budge. Was that really fair for the judge to specify at certain age? We don't get to see him enough as it is and we are trying to maintain a close relationship to his son but the BM is making it very difficult. My husband is currently deployed to Iraq so he does not have a chance to call often. The only time we can is when BM drops the child off at grandma's for free babysitting.  Grandma emails us and tells us the times so we can call and talk to the child. He's been throwing fits because he hasn't seen daddy in so long and I see behavior issues developing with the nearly 5 year old. Anyone have any suggestions on how we can get through this for the next couple of years without alienating the child any further? Thank You.

[MixedBag]

The ONLY way to get it changed is by taking it back to court.

Thank goodness you've got a cooperative Grandma...

Would she testify as to how often you guys are in touch with the little guy and have been trying to keep in touch inspite of the distance?

[wannaseemykid]

Wow, thanks for the quick response! The reason she is a cooperative grandma is that she's my husband's mother! BM uses my husband's mother and sister for babysitting purposes at least every other weekend for over night stays. We took it to court last summer and this is how it went:

She demanded more child support: we were ordered to pay $600/mo but were paying $800/mo to aid with day care costs willingly.

She asked the court to make us pay for her attorney's fees.

We asked for E/O holiday and 1 week during the summer for him to visit us and we would make every attempt (our schedule with the military allowing) to visit him.

This is what we got:

TRO on ME so I couldn't be there for pickup or drop off... not even remain in the vehicle. So, our lawyer suggested he drop me off at the corner store and then pick me back up. How humiliating. BM hates me because I have her husband - that she left and divorced before I even met. She's got issues obviously.

Increased child support to $1000/mo

A very nice $7000 attorney fee (what we paid for, I don't know since we didn't get a thing we asked for).

Which takes us back to the age of 7 for him to possibly visit us in our home.

So, we are not to keen on the idea of going back to court anytime soon since it is a small county and we would probably get the same judge again. It's not the money. It's the time that we don't have available since it's in another state and also the chance to cause damage to our current relationship with child. We don't want to put the precious thing through any of it. He already calls another man "daddy"...

So, we know there is a possibility of going back to court when the child turns 7. Do you have any suggestions on what we should be doing in the meantime to prepare for it? Anything would help. She's already got us by the balls (excuse my terminology).

Thank you so much!

[MYSONSDAD]

http://www.townhall.com/columnists/phyllisschlafly/ps20050905.shtml

Something is very wrong here. This story might give you some insight as to what others are facing. This guy took it to the media. It is like you are being punished for being in the military.

BM is using the child as a weapon....

The good news is, this is getting national attention and many States are changing how military visitation is being handled. Along with CS obligation.

"Children learn what they live"

[gipsy]

Ya never know why people get atty fee's . I read some where that of your atty doesn't object then you get them " So In my case I "told" My atty , When they ask for atty fee's > Say " My client want's atty fee's because its the mother that would not agree ,And She is why we are in court , Secondly maybe you have a bad atty , Did the atty object to atty fee's ?
  Next  I have an atty that will  appeal these decisions , And he doesn't charge any thing like Half of the fee's you got for a [perenting plan and a child support order , Like here a parenting plan and child support order is $1,200 , At the most and thats becuase Its a 15 minute hearing ;Max : In front of a commissioner , And really its a proposed parenting plan , And a proposed child support order . It takes about one hour too fill out , Especially due to the fact that your income is paid in a check , . SOOOO  I would say if your atty was soo careless that he didn't read the parenting plan , And the part about how the mother " Slipped the part about the child can't leave the county , Id ask the atty if he is going back to change it ,  If he say's no, Then just tell him he did a very poor job and fire him and say  " I'll file  A complaint with the Bar association < Based on the incompetance and lack of care you exhibited in this parenting plan Issue , It must be clear that you didn't read it or advise me that this is impossible for visits to take place ,
  Then simply , Look at the paper work and refile a motion to correct , Or file another parenting plan stateing that you had incompetant counsel and this part in the plan makes visits impossible Due the mothers Unwielding behavior for frequent visits to occur , , And to maintian Meaningfull contact , Heck what do you have to loose now ! Just look at the parenting plan < Not to be sarcastic but who the hell didn't even read it in the first place ! And actually read the damn thing , And It probably say's mediation must take place Before this returns to court < so you will have to file for mediation , And give that the run of the mill try , then take her to court , Look at it this way , If all this went as a landslide her way , the you have a very poor atty , Unless the Dad makes like 10,000 per month , Or in your state they combine your income , You really need to Interview a number of atty's , Or just go File and show the court your husbands pay stubs , And then Fiel another parenting plan or something to am,end this , With the thing about not leaving the county , I would not even paythat atty and file a grievance , Or ask him  what he thinks about fixing it for free . But then if I had an atty make  such an over sight , I'm not sure I would trust him to Take care of My dog ,
 Look, I fired an atty and never paid him Any more , I sent Him a letter that told him He was basically way over billing me and Incompetant , Because I got the Cd of the court hearinmg and he did not produce what the court asked for at the previous  hearing , Although I had sent him a letter stateing that I listend to the CD , And he was not doing what the commissioner asked , And His fee's will not be paid  Because he did a poor job < And he has never sent me a bill , And or Tried to collect , And I told him if he pursues I will report to the BAr association , And come to find out the crap head had complaints for similar incompetant work and was Censored allready , You can call the Bar association and ask if there are complaints about atty's , I would ,
   DON'T JUST GIVE UP !!! You had a bad go of it , Get a better atty , NOT An Expensive atty , But one that talks to you like a human being and just tells you , Like an atty should say , This is how you fix the parenting plan Issues , And if it doesn;t work then we go to court , Obviously , This plan does not provide for visits ,
   And I have been to court NUMEROUS times and Of course when you go through a thing like this you talk to numerous people , I have never heard of this type of provision for a 7 year old , And thats what I would be telling your atty , And tell him if he expects to get paid from you then He  should go fix it ,  Atty's are not god , period , And there is also a bar complaint you can make if they are overbilling for the sevices , That are compareable to what other attys bill for similar services ,  I am Hitting you pretty strong , But Let Me be Blunt , I had a piece of shit atty , And the way your case is ,  It doesn't sound good , And your atty should be Able to get it fixed , After what I have seen and been through , I would clearly , First be nice and ask him  what He thinks of fixing such a ridicolous over site that makes visits impossible , And say I wasn't paying you to land me zero visits , And NOT review the order before signing it , But is is clear to me that letting that get into the order could have only occured , By this , And to figure this out first look at the parenting plan and see who's atty office stamp was on it . Your atty or their atty , And you will know
 One " Your Atty signed their  order took your money and went home , Or he  wrote it into the order , Since I dont think ue  would wrote it in then . Who Did , And I paid you to represent me , Did you make any objection to this! ,
Now let me tell you in Pierce county washington they make a recordeing of the Commissioners hearing and you can get it for ten Bucks , I would get it and see if your atty even showed up at the hearing ! And if he even represented you ? It sound like he did not even show up and they got a default order