Innocent Victim

[ocean]

The therapist is telling you to get CPS involved? That is not right....If a therapist suspects anything they are required by law to call CPS. I would make an appointment with her for you to discuss your son (full hour just the two of you). Then you can ask her what she sees, how she plans on treating it, and will she be call CPS. If she is not moving forward then maybe it is time to go to another therapist. I agree with the other poster about the other issues...clothes, karate, school....you can not force someone to be a dad. It is hard to let it go. If BD drops him off at school, you can get school on your side which also must go to CPS if they see clothing, dirty issues.  Calling your DH dad I just find wrong (sorry). Dad might become a dad and he IS the dad (still around). He should be using DH first name or another "cute" name that you come up with but he does have a dad already even if he does not act like one. I would also tell your son that you have different rules at your house then daddy's (bedtimes, bad words) and that you will not put up with it in your house. Stick with it and he will learn that he can not get away with it in your house. Good luck...you are doing good!

[dsm]

I think you call the psychologist today and make an appointment for just you and her (like ocean suggested) to get a game plan figured out.  If she is suggesting to get CPS involved, then SHE needs to do the reporting.  She is a mandatory reporter, and if she finds there to be suspicious activity going on - she can also help with working with CPS to stop unsupervised visits to his dad's.  You need to figure out what the game plan is so that you can do what is best for your son.  

Call the mediator and ask directly if there is another meeting supposed to be scheduled.  When you were sent to mediation there should have been a followup court date set - did that not happen?  Or did you end up in mediation on your own (sorry - don't remember all the specific details leading up to this....)  If there is no court date set, you need to get your ducks in a row, and file a motion for suspended/supervised visitation based on the psychologist's findings and actions by your ex.   Until then, this schedule will be valid and your ex will have the ability to file for contempt - of course you'll have documentation showing why you would withhold visitation, but it still will cause problems.   You may even be able to get an ex-parte ruling if the psychologist is of the opinion that this is serious enough......until you meet with her to figure out the game plan, you won't know though.

So you've got a little over a week to get things moving.  When's the next appointment for your son to see her?  Hang tight.....the ride is just beginning.....


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dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 16
LO - 9
BB - 2
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam (4 months) Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....

[hagatha]

Worried,

Is seems your ex may be smoking pot in front of your son. If that is true your son might be getting a contact high. Contact the Dr and ask what you can do if this is happening. (ie blood tests)

Tell his therapist about sons pretending to roll and smoke pot. She might be able to get son to show her how dad does it. That would be considered abuse and could be the thing you need to get supervised visits

The Witch

Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[worriedmom]

Thanks to everyone for responding. I am going to contact his doctor on Monday bc they are closed today. Update will be posted on Tuesday. I will not let this beat me. Like the saying goes, A mother's love can overpower the devil himself. I refuse to let him win. Thanks for all the comments, they are being put to use.

[dsm]

Listen to what Hag has to say.  The therapist should be able to get your son involved in all sorts of play activity that will give her an understanding of what your son is witnessing and involved in at his dad's.....the fighting, the drug use, the roughhousing and how it doesn't stop, etc etc etc.....and also how things are at your house.

Keep plugging away....

[Mediator]

good strategies already posted.  i would also suggest at some time considering a court appointed special advocate.  If the therapist backs up the drug issue you might ask the court for this measure.  With a comprehensive SA report you might win sole decision making authority and then you can determine on what basis he sees the child if at all.

[msme]

teaching the phylosophy of Choices. Children grasp it very easily & are usually comfortable with it. It goes like this. Tell the child that everyday everyone has to make lots of choices. Most are good & everybody makes poor choices sometimes.

Talk about the choices he makes like what kind of cereal to eat, what to watch on TV, which toy to play with. Then talk about the choices you make.

Next talk about the consequences of making poor choices. Like getting cavaties if he chooses not to brush his teeth when told to. Keep it simple & he will get it.

Then explain that we cannot force anyone to make good choices. Right now it seems like daddy is making some poor choices. So we will pray that he start making better choices.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!