Re: Denial of Visitation - Out of State - Teenage Boys

[SFMedic]

Hello,

My situation regards my two sons, who are 15 and 14 y/o, oldest will turn 16 on Dec 4th, I live in Baltimore, MD and they live in Morgantown, WV, which is a 4hr drive one way.  Since returning them as of July 30th of this year, my wife and I have not seen anymore.

The reason they give, is that they feel they are old enough to make their own decisions, so they decided they would not be coming down anymore.  This was said to us over the phone at 9pm on Aug 4th, the day before I was to pick them up, for my last two weeks of summer visitation.

I have court ordered visitation of every other weekend, 5 weeks in the summer, where I can take 2 wks consectutively.  We were totally taken by surprised with the call.  We also realize after a few weeks of sporadic phone calls to them, this was totally a setup way in advance.

My youngest has just started 9th grade, so he's at the same high school with his older brother in 10th grade.  Based on what they say and how they act, this is about my older Son being able to go to summer football camp for the entire month of August, so when they called us, it was on a Thursday with camp starting the following Monday.

We have also asked everytime if we could come up to take them out and talk to us and they have pretty much given us one lame excuse after another as to why they can't.

The Mother is totally behind all of this taking place, because it also centers around their school grades, and how we connect them with doing sports or other activities during our scheduled weekends, as incentive to maintain their grades.

Trying to speaking to the mother has been pointless, because she's basically waiting for us to take her to court, which would be in Annapolis, MD.  She was just served this past Sept 7th, regarding a "modification and enforcement of visitation", so I already know she
has 60 days to respond, which she will take the entire 60 days to drag this out as long as possible.

I've also since then, have sent certified letters to her and the county court, regarding my intent to exercise visitation, and just yesterday one was returned back to me "unsigned".  I also have over 70+ certified letters that have been sent to her over the years regarding various issues with the boys, again most of having to do with their education.

Regarding the letters (past and present), will they be of any use with the judge?  Also, should I expect that the boys will want to testify in front of the judge?  Would photo albums of pictures be of any use for evidence?

I'm modifying my visitation for the entire summer, knowing I'll probably have to settle for much less, though the goal is to have consecutive time and not broken up weekends.  Which the Mom has always complained about making numerous trips back and forth.

For right now, I'm representing myself, which may change once we've been assigned at court date.

Any suggestions would be most appreciated.

In advance, thank you for your time...

[Ref]

You should post your divorce decree (minus any info identifying you, your ex or kids) so that we can help you. Actually Socreteaser's board would be a great place to post that.

It sounds like you were rejected by your sons and not directly by your ex. This is a legal problem. They can do this all they want, and they will they ARE teenagers afterall. You ex needs to be held accountable. If you said she was refusing visitation and you drove there and the kids wouldn't get in the car, that is a who different story than the kids saying they don't want to go and you being pissed and not TELLING them you will be picking them up at ___pm and then not telling BM you will ne picking htem up at ___pm per you divorce agreement.

I don't think anyone can give you advice on the letters unless we have your decree and know a little more about the issue with the letters. Did she refuse them all?

At the boys age, I imagine that they can testify infront of the judge and probably be convincing. Unless they argue that they hate being with you all the time and you have pictures of them smiling away, I don't think pictures themselves will help. What are you trying to prove with the pictures?

I was a teen of a mom that lived in PA and a dad that live in the UK and stayed in NY when he was in the States. Four hours is a drive at that age. Teenagers rarely consider the fact that YOU are driving 8 hours to see them.  Do you have relatives or friends you can stay with every few weekends in their area to make the traveling easier? You can use this opportunity to meet their friends and their friend's parents.

Let us know how things are going!

Good Luck

Ref

[SFMedic]

Hello Ref,

I appreciate your interest with wanting to help. Regarding my divorce/visitation decree, here is the verbiage:

ADJUDGED, ORDERED and DECREED, that the terms and conitions relating to visitation set forth in the earlier Decree Judgment of absolute Divorce dated January 2, 1992, be modified as set forth herein and as follows and any other terms and conditions not directly modified by this Agreement are incorporated and ratified as set forth in the earlier decree; and it is further

ORDERED,  that Xxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx, Plaintiff, shall have visitation with both minor children of the parties on alternating weekends from Friday evening at 5:00 pm until Sunday evening at 6:00 p.m. and the Plaintiff shall have visitation with the minor children at any place which he deems reasonable and to be in the best interest of the children, and further that in the event that any Federal Holiday either immediatedly precedes the period of visitation or immediately follows the period of visitation (namely the preceding Friday or the following Monday), then that additional day will be picked up and included as part of the normal visitation for that period of time and delivery of the children on such a Monday shall be at 6:00 p.m. Monday or pick up on such a Friday holiday shall be on Thursday at 5:00 p.m.;

ORDERED, that on the Thanksgiving Holiday on alternated years the, X.... X.. X..., shall have visitation with the mior children of the parties from Wednesday at 6:00 p.m., the evening before Thansgiving Day, until Sunday at 8:00 p.m., his first occourrence for visitation to be on Thanksgivning 1995 and every odd year thereafter, the mother to retain the children on the even years beginning with 1996 on Thanksgiving.  For the Easter or Spring School Break, the father shall be entitled to visitation with the minor children from 6:00 p.m. of the last day of school at the onset of the Easter/Spring Break through 6:00 p.m. of the day before school resumes at the conclusion of the Easter/Spring Break, said first such visitation to continue on alternate years thereafter in the fashiion.  The holiday visitation set forth shall take precedence over any regular weekend visitation normally scheduled; and it is further

ORDERED, that the father, Xxxxx Xxx Xxxxx, Plaintiff shall have visitation with the minor children from 10:00 a.m. December 26, 1994 through 6:00 p.m. January 2, 1995 and shall have identical visitation each and every year thereafter, beginning and ending those days and times; and it is further

ORDERED, that during the months of summer vactaion, Xxxx Xxx Xxxx, father shall have visitation with the minor children for a period of five (5) weeks with no more than two to be consecutive at any given time, subject to the requirements set forth in the Order of January 2, 1992 for notice as to which weeks he intends to use; and it is further

To date, I've sent 3 certified letters to the Mother, regarding my intent to exercise visitation, citing the dates of my scheduled visitation weekends.  Each one, three weeks later, have come back unclaimed, copies have also been sent to the court house to be place in the permanent record.

You mentioned visitating relatives near where they live: that's not possible, I have no relatives there, they all live in and around within the state I resided in.

You mentioned the pictures: It was to just show that we have done things with the boys over the years that they have been with us.

You mentioned my being rejected by the kids and not the "ex": This is incorrect.  I am being rejected by both, the Mother refuses to bring them, stating that she has no problem bringing them except "they" don't want to
at this time.  In the same breath, she states they are so much more happier not having to come down and not having to worry how they will be threatened with punishment regarding their school grades.  My oldest has failing grades in 3 classes and my youngest is failing one class.  Because most of this centers around their school grades and them playing sports or any other activity which takes place during my scheduled weekends.

The Mother is not encouraging any form of contact with us, other then when we happen to call, not to mention flat out rejecting our offer of coming to their house, picking them up to go to a restaurant or somewhere and talk face to face.  I really feel, they have been so poisoned by the Mother and her extended family, more than I was ever aware of, that anything I try to do at this point will be viewed and turned into a very negative thing.

This coming Thanksgiving, according to the standing court order, is my year to have them.  At this point, I feel this will probably be just another weekend that is denied.

I'm also assuming, I will not have a court date prior to the Thanksgiving holiday, the Mother has up to 60 days to respond, which doesn't end until Nov 7th, based from the day she was served.

I'm thinking the next three years, when my youngest will be 18, will consist of nothing more than our occassional phone calls with them, and will only be able to see them, whenever were able to come up to watch them participate in some school related sports activity.  Knowing they will probably just blow us off, by deliberately walking past us should we wait to see them, and act like were not even there.

[SFMedic]

Hello Ref,

Today, I received a certified formal response from my "ex" who resides in (West Virginia) to my motion for "modification and enforcement of visitation", and I reside in (Maryland).  My boys are 14 and 15 y/o, 14 months apart in age.

The "ex" is trying to change the jurisdiction of the case and bring it back to "WV" instead of "MD".  The divorce decree, and previous motion of visistation enforcement from 10 years ago were both initiated and granted from "MD".

The change of jurisdiction is being based on it creating a financial hardship for her, due to the following:

1.  Having to make a 4hr trip

2.  Having to obtain child care (babysitter) for her 10 y/o Son

3.  Having to take off of work

4.  Boys having to take off from school

5.  Because both minor children have resided in the State of West Virginia all or most of their lives

6.  The jurisdiction is more than 100 miles from children home and is inconvientant for things such as witnesses, school, Doctors etc.

7.  To file motions and petitions with MD attorney's warrents that I take off work for such meetings as attorney's or court dates

8.  I am the main support system for my youngest Son and this is a burden on me financially.

9.  When I have to go out of town for court session, I must find child care for youngest Son.

10.  This is no longer in the best interest of all 3 of my children due to traveling, myself missing work and children missing school


She states since the order, circumstances have changed and the order is no longer in the best interest of the children because: "Wishes of the children are that they can have the last few years of childhood to play in sports, go to dances, work, and not to have the threat of inappropriate disciplinary action"

I would add, the children pretty much do what they want at their Mom's house, regarding their school grades, there is no type of punishment or discipline taken.  Compared to my house, where as at first, not playing tv/computer video games are taken away, if failing grades continue, then special events are not allowed if they happen to fall on a Friday that is my visitation weekend.  In the past, I have changed and rotated weekends with the Mother, providing they kept up their grades.

To date, both boys have failing grades, oldest has two "Fs" and a "D", and youngest has an "F".  Oldest is playing sports right now, which is Son's / Mother's primary focus of attention.

The questions I have are:

1.  What is the likelihood of jurisdiction being changed considering we were married and divorced in MD, and I have once before (10 yrs ago) filed a modification / enforcement order and none of this was an issue then?  Boys respectively will be 18 in 2 and 3 years from now.

2.  Do I have the option of filling some type of rebuttal to her stated reasons for wanting to change jurisdiction, if so, what is the proper format?

3.  The same reasons the Mother is stating would also apply to myself regarding child care, as I have a 10 wk old infant.

4.  Regarding Witnesses and/or Doctors, is there a procedure for requesting and obtaining any "verified proof" of names, dates, places and times, if so, what is the proper format?

5.  Regarding the Mother having to take off of work and the kids out of school, wouldn't it be the same thing taking place, even if the jurisdiction of the case was changed or am I looking at this wrong?

6.  What difference would her youngest son (previous marriage) make a difference regarding the jurisdiction, when I would have to find someone to babysit my infant child as well?

7.  If and when this goes to court, could I still anticipate having some type of visitation with my two Sons, even if on a limited basis?

Thanks..!!!!

[Ref]

I would post this on Socreteaser's board, He is a genius and can help you with the legal issues. He may seem harsh, but listen to his advise because he is very good and honest (even if you don't want to hear it).

Good Luck!!!!
Ref