Steaming mad...what to do?

[Sunshine1]

I told ya... now are you gonna listen to me?  :)  LOL!!  BM used to buy school clothes for the boys, and I always thanked her and appreciated it and LET them wear them, geez extra clothes are always nice even if I do hate her...and I REALLY HATE HER!!!  She obviously has a huge complex with it, I would spin that into my own personal torture of the BM..but that's me.

Buy the boots, keep them at your house. Old/crappy clothes KEEP and send her back in new ones or better ones at least.  She will eventually give up and move on to something more fun and irritating to/for you!

A tactic my niece's Grandma pulls is let the child pick them out, she will freak out if she gets them or clothes she HAS TO HAVE and can't wear them or throw a tantrum until she can.  Grandmas are evil aren't they??  LOL !!

[MixedBag]

to stop them.

STOP playing the clothes game with the EX.

Start learing to hang up if Mom calls and yells that she wants the new clothes sent back with the child.

Keep what you buy her with you.  Send her back in whatever she came in.

First the first few years, my EX sent my son with clothes.  Then I started getting accused of not sending this back or that back.  He seemed to miss the new package of socks, or new shirt, or new jeans, or even shoes.....  But he sure noticed the oversized T-shirts (from DH) that son loved to wear as pajamas.  Those were made fun of and sent back to me.

Then EX just stopped sending clothes -- no notice.  I picked up our son on Friday evening for a weekend and he didn't bring a bag.  From that point forward, son comes and goes with no bag between dad's house and my home.  I buy the minimum required and that's that.

Recently our son has "complained" that I don't buy stuff he likes to wear.  He's a bit older now and I told him "Well, son, you're old enough then to bring along a few shirts that you do like from your closet.  We're not together long enough for me to know what you like and don't like because we only get 2 days a month together.  I'm trying and I'll keep trying....but you gotta learn to help yourself."

Heck, this summer, I let son pick out new tennis shoes -- and dad got mad and threw them at me (in front of son) and in a letter called them all horrible names -- But SON picked them out, so who was really being the fool?  In this case, Dad, but Dad don't get it.

Sometimes the EXs never catch on -- so you gotta learn to stop participating in their games....

Keep your own supply.....and get rid of the  headache.

[dontunderstand]

That is EXACTLY what we have been doing for the last year.  Send her home in EXACTLY what she came in and buy stuff to have here.  Then we HAD to buy her some new sneakers because hers were a size and a half too small and sent those home with her so that she would never have to wear the old too small ones.  I feel like if I knowingly send her home in those too small shoes, I am no better than BM.  I TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS!!!  I just feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.  She bitches and calls her attorney either way (if we buy new clothes and if we don't), and either way we get a crappy threatening letter from BM's attorney!  (Oh and FYI, she doesn't pay her attorney, she is either pro bono or a relative or family friend.  She has been on retainer since 1999, and BM only suppot is CS and whoever she can con!)

[wendl]

She will continue to do it, buy clothes for YOUR house and keep them at your house.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[aduarte01]

>This isn't a legal issue.  BM's lawyer is bothering
>him/herself with this either because they're bored, or to suck
>money from bm.  
>
>You pay cs?  You can prove that you pay cs?  Tell bm (and her
>atty) to piss up a rope.  You owe no one anything - you're
>fulfilling your obligation.

What about the flip side? In my case, BM will send the children in small clothes, sometimes no jacket, and does not send more clothes for the weekend, or even their necesary items, such as medicine or the little ones pillow he likes to sleep with. Is BM obligated to send all of these items for the children since I pay CS?

[evalisto2005]

I agree with what other posters said. I'd take pictures with a regualr camera, but also a camera that's on a cell phone. Then email the pics from the cell to my email address. That helps to prove the dates and times hat the pics were taken. Also, cell phone records can show when pics were taken, when they were emailed, and what size the pics were that were sent.

[evalisto2005]

You also could check to see what the laws are in your state about recording conversations on the telephone, getting concersations on audio and video, and just getting things on video without the other person's consent. I think that usually you can get something on video (but not audio) as long as you're not on that person's property and some times you still can but of course that would cause drama in front of the kid. When picking the kid up and dropping off, you could park on the street instead of her property and have a video camera running in the car. Just check up on the laws before you even consider any of this.

[gipsy]

Hope you have a Digital video recorder . Or take pictures ,
  I had similar , And  also different problems , but video taping  put an end to it , I would have the Vdio recordr on hand at the transfer ,
  Secondly I have a feeling this isn't worth the atty letters . As In My case none of this was brought up at trial : EXCEPT This
   I told the judge that I video taped and that will prove the the mother is lying about the Issues ,
 And that seemed to impress the judge a bit . Because Her atty asked " What the tapes would show " And I said " That she is telling stories about what goes on at the transfer , And that there is never any such Issues . [ Supposeably I was causeing trouble at the transfer ) And I said If I was the one causeing trouble why wasn't the mother the one with the video camera , " And it seemed the judge got it ,
   Also My atty told me . " She will be likely to have her atty send a letter that  Say's I should not be Taping , " And she did have her atty do that ,
  And that wil show who's doing what , And I felt that it did ,
   But the big point is : RELAX : These are not the issues that are going to make or break the case :
  And It's not worth the paper it's printed on , It wasn't much more than a few sentences at trial and I don't think the Impression on the judge was very much ,,
  And not to forget the Issue of the clothes wasn't even brought up ,
   So I suggest , What I do is go to good will and pick out a few decent clothes for very low prices , And Send My son Home in clothes ,  I would not waste my money on the atty letters and tell the atty thats what you think , not to waste your money on this stuff ,
   I bet your atty know's that he charged you $100 Or more for the letters and you could have spent that at good will and had lots of clothing,  So  when he thinks of something that will solidify The visitation schedule to mark it up for the court calender and Spend money on something that will be a benifit to your relationship with your child :
   You are spending money on a grudge about the clothes , And it would be better in my mind to spend it on the clothes and show the judge the reciepts for the clothes at trial , Than It would be to tell how much it costed in atty letters .Ya get iot  be the good clothes buyer and prove it and let her keep up the letters , Go tell your atyty this theory , that you would rather spend on clothes than atty fee's over the clothes , And see what he say's . Bet it will be an interesting converstation . you sometimes have to make it plain with out telling your atty he money grubbing the cash , over the Issue and if he doesn't repond to this you will take the 100 $ and spend it on the clothes and we could bring the reciepts to court , I had a great atty and these are his theories , And they work , Quit the fight and be the good clothes buyer /parent
   Or you could spend the money on a podiatrist , a  psychologyst , And what ever $10,000 can buy to prove the other parent is bad ,
  But my very good atty told me again And again , It's way more impressive to the judge when you prove your self to be the better parent . Than for you to have a list of how the other parent is soo bad , And his theories work quite well .
  Think about it : Won't it be obvious who did right , the one that spent $10,000 to prove the other parent to be bad or the one that bought the kid the clothes ,
 The judge looks at who is the best parent , And the best parent will act like an adult and buy the @!##@%$ ING  CLOTHES~!
  As the real kicker here tell your atty to make a short letter that say's
   I am instructed to keep My coresponence about the clothes to a minimum , So My client can afford the clothes , I suggest you and your client do the same ,
   Signed , John R Good ,Atty at Law

[smtotwo]

When I first came to this site I felt like no ex could be as bad as DH's.

HUH!  Guess I was wrong!!

We buy the kids clothes that stay at our house.  They got new mongoose bikes for christmas that are staying here as well.

Everything they get at our house stays at our house.

Its just not worth fighting with the ex about.

I think she has borderline personality disorder.  
So we do our thing and let her rant and rave and ignore her.

[mykidsdad]

That is exactly what I do, is buy my kids clothes for when they are at my house. When I pick them up the first thing I do is change them into the clothes that I bought them, and wash the ones that they came in, and put them back in those clothes to got back home.