phased long distance plan?

[starluvr496]

Okay I know I've posted this awhile ago, but nothing really came of it, so I'm going to try again. I have a 4 year old daughter, her father and I were never married and we don't have anything court ordered in regards to parenting time/visitation. I have full custody. My daughter and I live 4 hours away from her father and have since Aug 2004 (all of us in Illinois). During this time he has seen her once. Before that he was very sporadic going sometimes 6 months at a time without seeing her. He has always had a way to contact us, and just doesn't do so.

I have found a lot of suggestions on other sites for phased parenting plans, but they all involve much more frequent time, and usually younger children. Financially, we would not be able to set it up for him to see her more than once a month, but that was how often he said he wants to see her anyway.

In Oct when he saw her for her birthday he saw her for 6 hours on a Sat and then 4 hours the next day. He took her to Walmart for about 2 hours and the rest of the time just stayed at our house with her with me there (He asked to take her out longer, but came back early, because he's never been alone with her for longer than 2 hours.)

I'm not even willing to consider overnights or even all day at this point until he shows some consistency, and I have an idea of what I'd like to think is reasonable, (basically keep what we did in Oct for a few more months and then offer more time alone for them IF he asks.)

Usually we can can communicate well, but every now and then we greatly disagree (such as when he hadn't seen her in a year and thought it reasonable that he could have her for a full weekend after seeing her a few times for only ONE WEEK.)

Any suggestions, I'd think that every 4 parenting time periods or so we could consider lengthening their alone time, but that'd take 4 months for each "phase."

I'd also like to suggest that he try to call her at least every other week, as he hasn't even called her at all since Oct (He is supposed to come in a few weeks due to a miscommunication about Christmas.)

What does anyone think is reasonable? I know she's not a baby, but she also never bonded with him as he has always been sporadic in seeing her.

[sherrie ohio]

My thoughts would be the following:
For four months do the one weekend deal,and a phone call every week.
But make those four months be were he only gets her during the day and has to bring her back at night.
Then if he acts like he's truely trying, change the weekend deal to overnights,and keep the phone call the remaining week's.Of course try to adjust the time frame during holidays to suit both of your shedule's.So both parents have time with her.

[sherrie ohio]

You may try in a round about way offer some idea's of what she likes to do.