Drive time

[marie]

One portion of visitation is from 5:00pm to 6:30pm one evening a week. Each parent drives one way. What is an acceptable or unacceptable amount of drive time for a visitation of this length?

[Sunshine1]

I would guess 15-20 minutes or so.  That seems like a reasonable amount of drive time.  One parent picks up and the other picks up at the end?

[marie]

CP drops off at 5pm, NCP Returns by 6:30.  NCP is moving about 35-40 minutes away.  Is it unreasonable for NCP (who works 10 mintues from CP) to have to pick-up and drop off children after NCP gets off work at 4pm?

[MixedBag]

IMHO, yes that's reasonable.

If NCP is moving, and CP objects to the additional driving time, then expect the NCP to have to do the driving.

If the two parents can focus on the children then lots of good things can still happen.

If the two parents have other objectives in mind -- this will cause an uproar.

[marie]

Originally judge granted a weeknight "dinner visitation" to NCP.  NCP doing driving both ways. At that time Both parties lived about 10 minutes apart. After a couple of months CP agreed to drive one way.  Then CP moved only a mile farther away. Then NCP moved and additional 15 minutes away. Now NCP is moving another 15 minutes away. I know this doesn't necessarily sound like alot but to me 35-40 minutes is excessive for a 1.5 hour visit when 35 minutes of that is spent in the car.  

Sadly my children brought this up to me last week - I try extremely hard not to involve my children in any visitation discussions although they are getting older (teenagers) and getting more perceptive.  One child has stated he just doen't want to go and spend that much time in car - the other suggested the after work idea.

I have agreed to the NCP picking up the children as soon as possible after work and starting visitation at that time.  NCP wants to keep things just as they are - because NCP believes it is only fair that CP should drive one way and NCP should have not to foot the bill for taking the kid's to eat once a week.

Thanks to all for the replys. I just wanted to make sure that this was a something worth going through the courts for as the NCP will not agree to any changes.  Any othe idea's or suggestions on how to make this happen will be greatly appreciated.

[Ref]

First of all, I would NOT recommend going to court over something as little as an extra 30 minutes on a  trip. Honestly, I would be super pissed if I was the judge and you brought this infront of me. Not because it isn't a real problem, but do you know how much time, money and really bad feelings taking something to court like this would cause?

This is what I recommend:

It seems to me like the problem is travel time is too great of a percentage of visitation time.

The NCP doesn't want to have to drive the one leg and he wants to be able to have a normal dinner w/kids during the week.

I recommend offering more time to NCP. The kids are old enough so they don't have to go straight to bed after visitation. That way they can be home by 8 or 8:30 and then 40 minutes in a car would be worth it. Why not have the NCP have overnights on this night? If you offer MORE time ex will be more likely to drive both ways.

JMO

Ref

[marie]

NCP doesn't mind driving one way and doesn't mind that a 1/3 of the visit is spent in the car.  NCP is the one moving farther away.
I agree with you completely about travel time being to great of a percentage of visitation.  The problem is that the NCP wants to leave things exactly as they are: each of us driving over an hour round trip on the same night for a 1.5 hour visit.  I had suggested that he pick up the children after he gets off work (10 minutes from CP) at 4pm and return them at 6:30 for the 1.5 visit or returning at 7:30 increasing the visit by almost an hour.  I also suggested the overnight and take them to school in the morning. NCP response: "the only thing that works for me is the way it is now"  Strange as it may sound he does not want any more time especially during the week.  NCP views his time as his and the children should not have anything to do from CP's at his house - including homework.  At least one a month he cancels the "dinner visit" usually about 3pm the same day.  

[Ref]

How sad! So many of us NCPs would LOVE to have someone like you to deal with.

Although what is going on isn't that fair, I still can't see it as something a judge would be thrilled to have you deal with in court.

It is not right that NCP is so stubborn, but court? I don't know.


Good Luck
Jen

[MixedBag]

So what I'm hearing you say is that the NCP is moving further away.

The order says NCP does all the driving.

However, you two have been sharing with each of you doing part of it.

You're the one who has to do additional driving as a result of his move.

You've offered some very fair suggestions of increasing NCP time that he rejected.

I'm wondering if the right answer isn't then:  Go back to the original order and let the NCP do all the driving.

OR what about meeting half way someplace in the middle for both ends, or at least for the return part.

Maybe then he'll understand your generosity....

[marie]

Unfortunately the it is the Temp Orders that say NCP drives both ways in Final Decree I agreed to drive one way.  So the last Order says CP drops off at 5pm NCP returns by 6:30.  In light of what's going on now I guess it was pretty stupid of me to agree to 1/2 the driving.  Looking back there were alot of things I should have done differently and I don't want to keep being taken advantage of.