50/50 Arrangements (2-2-5-5 method?)

[Jim3000]

I don't think anyone was implying that you're a bad mother. I was suggesting that many people unfairly take that view when a mother does not have a full custody. That is my ex's issues with 50/50.

I actually had a court appointed mediator say the same thing; that it might "look bad" if I (dad) made the kids' doctor's appointments. What???

[backwardsbike]

I sure wish you were MY X husband!  Iam a NCM iNPA.  I am disabled.  I had been a nurse for 25 year althought I was a SAHM for a good portion of that time.  

My X couldn't handle the factt hat I left him.  So he hired an attorney with no scruples ( the best kind to have I guess) and took the children from me.  For the first year adn a half we had 50-50, which I never had a problem with. He took his nights but I had the kids while he worked during the daytime and I had all snow and sick days.  he had not problem with this until my new husband and I had achild of our own.  Up to that point Inever asked for child support.  But after our baby was born we could not afford all the groceries as my husband was the only one working in the house and X never sent the kids with breakfast. They ate all thier meals at my house.  When Iasked him to provide groceries he refuse adn out of necessity I took him for child support.

The suddenly our house was unfit, my husbadn was a danger tothe kids and we were awful people...in the X's eyes.  Buthis lawyer hired a custody evaluator.  My lawyer didn't fight for me and I became a NCM.

My X took that negative custody report everywhere he could proclaiming himself the children's savior adn me an unfit mother.  Althougth hehad not proo omy being unfit.-

I am NOT unfir by the way.  New husband and I have two children of our own who live with us and we are the first to volunteer for school activites adn do homework with our school aged child.  We both hold clean child clearances.

But my X has PAS'ed the children agianst me adn things are very difficult as I see them only EOW adn half od summers.  Phone contact is nearly impossible between visits becasue X makes it so uncomfortable fo the children.  So you can imiagine the relationship between the kids and me these days.

On top of all that, my husband, who used to support my kids from my first marriage, became disabled.  I returned to work.  My X took me for child support BEFORE I got my first paycheck.  Then I became disabled.  Iget less than $900 a month, but I still pay him $150 a month.  he makes over 50K!

Your X needs to wake up dn smell the coffee.  This is not the dark ages.  You were 50 percent responsible for the children being brought into the world.  What's wrong with aknowledging that with you oficially having 50 percent custody?  Tell her my story and remind her how lucky she is.  I would giv emy right arm for 50 persent of the time with my children and have offered to not take the X for support as long as the kids had what they need.  But he refuses to give up his "status".

[lawless]

I did not think that you were agreeing with the perception that a Mom who only has the kids 50% of the time is a bad parent, I was just commenting about how I get that perception tossed at me quite often.  Since all agree that kids need both parents, this perception is really unfair and doesn't make any sense, either.  I am amazed that a mediator would say this.  We have had TERRIBLE luck with a mediator.  It seems that they don't necessarily get a lot of training.

My ex and I actually have Joint legal and Joint physical custody.  We do not have a CP or NCP - we managed to be both CP and all decisions, legal or otherwise are joint.  We are in WA and were very happy to be able to make this happen.  

I believe that whatever the actual schedule, the most important thing is consistency and that the children "buy in" and know where they are supposed to be when.  With calendars and lots of communication, they will flourish having both parents in their lives working together.

Lawless

[Jim3000]

You are lucky to have a sensible relationship with your ex.

I am disgusted by "the system" that I had a lot of hope in. The realization that "shared parenting" was even an option was encouraging. In practice (in Ohio anyway) it is on the surface only. My custody case in going on two years now.

The mediator we were assigned had no family court experience and never read our shared parenting plan. I doubt he'd ever read one. Another wonderful line that haunts me was when he said - after 7 hours of mediation - that I just needed "to be validated as a parent".  I knew then that the whole process was doomed.  He also told me that I "didn't know how good I had it". That is not comforting when you are sincerely trying to make the best situation for your kids after you've given them the disservice of spliting up their family. Eventually you just settle for the best you can do.