No show for agreed upon visitation

[mcollins73]

I will try to make this to the point.  CM filed for sole custody of our 2 children 8 & 10 yrs old.  We were never married and really barely dated.  We went to court and met with our lawyers.  Although I have been around the children and they know me, I haven't been as involved in their lives as I should have been because their mother is very difficult to deal with.  When I have asked questions like what school do they attend or who is their doctor she has responded that it is none of my business.  In addition, I have never seen the children without her present the entire time.

I wanted joint legal with her having primary physical custody and I wanted visitation.  She came to court with this story that the kids are afraid to be around me without her present.  In case this might be true I agreed to let her be present.  I also agreed that I would make an 8 hr. drive each way one weekend per month to visit with the children to renew our relationship.  She was agreeable and said she would be flexible and available for Saturday visitation so I could travel home on Sundays.  I also agreed to call the children each Sunday and Wednesday evening and she would have them available to accept my call.

She has fought me every time I plan to come see them.  The month following our agreement in court she said that Saturdays aren't good for her....she has to attend school on this day.....and Sundays work for her.
She did show up for first month's visitation and my wife and I took them to see a movie and out to eat.  This month, I sent her in writing the details of my visit and where it would be held.  When I called the children she got on the phone and said that since she goes to school on Saturdays, I can meet her somewhere with the children after 7pm or on Sunday.  She knows Sundays are out for me as I have to travel home to work on Monday.  I haven't worked for the company long and cannot take time off once a month.  She was already attending school when we went to court but made not mention of unavailability on Saturdays.  I suggested that she drop the children off at my mother's house where I would be staying but she said the children didn't want that they wanted me to come see them on Sunday.  

Since she never responded in writing to my written request for visitation, I told her that we decided in court that I would have weekend visitation and she knew that Saturdays was the only day I have.  Well....she didn't show up with them today.  I called her house and left a message telling her I was at my mother's house and for her to call me.  It is 9pm and I have heard nothing.

What should I do?  The court order has not been signed by the judge yet and but is vague to cover me coming from out of town.  It states "The Respondent's liberal visitation shall be structured such that he may visit with the children as frequently as possible every other weekend with the Petitioner supervising visitation".  CM says that the order says she has to be present and since she can't be present then I can't see my kids.

We are scheduled to go back to court in August when we are supposed to set a regular out of state visitation schedule with school holidays and summer vacation time.  I know she will come up with some reason why this can't be done.  She has already accused me of being DOA twice overdosed on drugs which was absolutely not true.  I think she has a mental problem....

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Cookiemomma4]

Sounds like you need to get back to court for some clarification of your agreement.  Sorry, that really does suck!

[ocean]

I agree, go back and ask that your parents be allowed to supervise. How old are they? Did she go to the movie the last time? If not, and she let them go with you, then I would ask that you come to her town until August with no supervision because it was just allowed and the kids did fine. Good luck!

[mcollins73]

Absolutely she went to the movie.  I had already bought tickets for myself, my wife and the children prior to her arrival.  While she was in line buying her own ticket, my daughter (10 yrs. old) asked if she could go with me to get in line for popcorn....Her mother wouldn't let her.  She is so controlling it is unbelievable.  I don't even feel like she needs to be present for the visitations and I only agreed to that in court because she made this big deal how the children don't feel comfortable without her.

I really think that she is a nutcase.  In her home study that was ordered by the court, she told the worker that she and I were in a 3 year relationship and were planning to get married until she found out about my infidelity.......if anything she was the infidelity.  We weren't even dating.  She also told them that she had offered to pay for a hotel for my wife and I to come there and stay so that we could go to one of the children's soccer games.  I had no idea they played soccer and when I asked the children about it.....they have never played!!

[MixedBag]

yep, go back to court and as you do, check out the two parenting plans on this site that have a phased in plan in the front to get re-acquainted with the children.

it's your only choice when stuff like that happens.

[step_momma_2boys]

Don't wait until August to do anything about this!  You need to get your Parenting Time established now so you can get a more permanent order in August.  Since she didnt say anything in court about Saturdays not working for her, and in fact, sounded like she said Saturdays would work; you should be able to get your parents to supervise, or the judge may be willing to let you be unsupervised for a short time while she is in school since it is only a matter of the kids getting used to you.  It seems to me that it would be better for the kids to learn that you are their father and can trust you.