How to tell my son...(long, sorry)

[step-mom]

Someone mentioned you were over here...looks like lots of people stopped by to say Hi and tell you that you are missed because you are!

How are you & Z enjoying this summer? (besides this part)....

Miss ya..JM

[Amy_in_MA]

Hmmmm...summer...well, it's been a very busy summer but not necessarily in a good way. Too much death and sadness (between my close friend's father's death 3 days before my mom's, my mom's brother/my uncle, who passed away just a couple of weeks ago, and my other good friend's grandfather who just passed away this Monday)...way too much grief. We're getting away for a day or so this weekend (Sunday to Monday) to visit with Tracer and her family up at their lake house in NH...so I'm looking forward to that.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[dsm]

Hey you.  I'm sorry R is being such a butt-head with all of this.  You're right - it's the same old game over and over and it gets tiring.  But know this - You are doing everything you can to provide a stable and loving home for Z.  And you are doing a GOOD job with it.

Hang in there.....  and yeah - we miss you!!!!  Consider dropping back in?

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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

[Amy_in_MA]

Thanks DSM...I really do try to remind myself that Zachary is doing ok...but sometimes I'm not sure of that, you know? I need that reality check of what "normal" is for a child his age because I just don't know.

Edited to add: I do appreciate and read your emails.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[BelleMere]

Amy first of all I just wanted to give you a big hug and let you know I miss hearing from you on the boards!! (((AMY))))

Secondly, I don't really know what to say to all this - I wish I had something useful to offer but I really don't. It's so the reverse of everything I've ever really dealt with. I do know a thing or two about kids and grief, tho, and unfortunately all I can say about that is you are absolutely right about how wrong it is of his Dad to do this now, of all times, like it's EVER right.

So I don't know. See how it plays out. And see what your counselor advises. Take some time with it. Of course, that puts you in the position of having to make up an excuse for him, but really I would just go with "I don't know why Dad couldn't make it this weekend" and see if maybe there is some change before the next go round. And yes he is an asshole.

[Amy_in_MA]

Well, it did actually get worked out for this weekend. I don't think he realizes just who it is he's punishing when he says things like "I just won't pick him up at all then". In his anger, he says stuff like this...but he doesn't seem to give a thought at all as to who that would hurt.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[msme]

Amy, I am an old timer around here but haven't been on much cuz things have been low key until recently. (for a peek, check my post on the fathers board) My son's ex has done some incredibly stupid & vicious things things over the years. One way we dealt with answering the kids questions was to teach a philosophy of choices.

We talked about how everything we do involves choices. From simple things like what kind of cereal to eat for breakfast to more complex things like choosings to follow rules so that we do not get into trouble. You can give some examples like choosing to pick up his toys when he is done playing with them so that he doesn't loose TV time for making a mess. Stuff like that. whatever happens in his life.

Then we go on to tell them that everyone makes poor choices sometimes. That does not make them a bad person, it just makes them a person who has made a poor choice. Then give some examples of some poor choices he has made recently & ask him what a better choice would have been. Explain that we cannot make anyone make good choices. We can only hope that they do.

When his dad does something stupid, you will be able to honestly say that it seems that he may not have made the best choice. You don't know why he made that choice but he can ask him the next time he talks to him. That way, it lets you off the hook & it puts things on a level he can deal with.

Hope this helps. You sound like a great mom who everyone loves. My condolences on the loss of your mother.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!