Need feedback

[Amy_in_MA]

In his mind, because it would reduce his need to work and therefore, have more time for son. I don't think he'd use it anyway, which is why I offered him what I did. I will reimburse him for lost wages if he's current on support and actually takes time to be with son that he would normally be working. Not surprisingly, he hasn't accepted that offer because it puts the responsibility on him to follow through.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[Amy_in_MA]

Well, I've probably fallen short on the birthday thing. I will remind Zachary and ask if he wants to buy/make a card for dad but the answer is usually no. Maybe it shouldn't be asked as much as "hey, it's dad's birthday, time to make a card." I don't know. It's hard for me to muster that up...I know Rob doesn't do that with him for me...then again, he doesn't see him enough to do that anyway.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[Amy_in_MA]

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[Jade]

You have done more than your share to facilitate a relationship between them.  

It is the father's responsibility to do his share.  He is trying to put all of that responsibility on you.  Don't let him.

As for the child support, I wouldn't agree to less should he ask again.  And if he takes you to court to modify, be sure to note that daycare expenses have gone up since your mother passed away.  

[junglechicken]

Nope, you're doing your job.  GOOD = "Z, it's Dad's birthday - wanna make a card?"  BAD = "Mom, can I make a card for dad's birthday?"  "No.  Dad's a scum-sucking leech who doesn't deserve a birthday card from you."

Rob should be kissing the ground you walk on.

[Jade]

>I appreciate the feedback. I've been in counseling for many
>years actually, and I see my counselor this Wednesday evening.
>No doubt, she will reinforce and remind me of the things that
>I've done. It's just so hard to grasp his view of reality and
>what I have and haven't done. It's astounding really. It
>reminds me really of just how pathological he really is. I
>don't think he'll accept my offer anyway...I mean, that would
>put the responsibility on him...he'd have to take the visits
>to get reimbursed. I don't believe it's about time with our
>son at all to him...I believe it's all about money.
>
>I've also worked really hard to get to the point where, when
>daycare is completely done and it's only after school care
>that I need for our son, whether I receive child support or
>not I can make the bills. It will mean our son does with a lot
>less, but nothing that will make or break his life. I will be
>glad for the day when I can tell his dad "go ahead, keep your
>money...NOW what will be your excuse?"
>
>--------------------
>
>Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become.
>Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your
>ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.
>
>     ~ James Allen

Don't tell his father to keep the money.  Take the child support.  His father has an obligation to support his child, both financially and emotionally.  You can't force him to do the emotional part.  But you can with the financial part.  Your son deserves that support.  Don't deprive him of that.  

[Amy_in_MA]

But it will be nice for me to be in a position that if he tries to lord the money over my head it doesn't phase me because I know we'll be ok.

Oh, and my email offer to do half the driving (each parent does their own pick up) and reimburse him for compensation lost/not earned by spending additional time with our son? He never accepted, though I know he received it.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[Emma]

We miss you on the other board.

Regarding your question- you know the answer. You have done more than humanely possible to facilitate the relationship between R and Z.  R is a jackass and blaming you for his shortcomings-- and if you doubt yourself, you're allowing him to win.  Don't. YOU know you've done as much as you can. Even if you were try to do more, it won't be enough and it will still be your fault.

I'd work more with Z on helping him realize that not everyone will be there for him like Mommy is.  It's something I'm trying to work on with SD- she can't rely on her mother like she should be able to. Same things seems to stand with Z for his father.

There really is only so much you can do.  HE has to want to do it. Instead it seems like he wants to make you a scapegoat. Don't let him.

[Amy_in_MA]

I have given R the opportunity to have more time with Z and I will pay him for hours lost from work. He hasn't taken me up on it. I have offered to do half the driving. He hasn't taken me up on it. He has no complaints to make about me...and I know it now. :)

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen