Problem's with "reasonable visitation"

[gemini3]

We are looking for help before we go to court.  My fiance's has court ordered visitation on specified weekends and holiday's, and in addition has "reasonable visitation" otherwise.  For four months now he has attempted to see his kids for dinner and has been denied.  The excuses have been everything from too much homework, to "we have lots of fun stuff planned", to them having planned to spend time with her SO's family.  My fiance has tried all sorts of different days, and ways of asking, all to no avail.  He's even offered to let her pick the day and he would rearrange his work schedule to make it happen.  (His ex doesn't work, BTW)  She still wont agree, and always says that it's not her fault that thier schedules never agree.  

We have become increasingly concerned because she has been bad-mouthing my fiance to the kids, calling into question his character and thinsg of that nature.  She even went so far as to tell the kids that he wouldn't care for them if something were to happen to her.  She has not been home when he went to pick up the kids for weekends on several occaisions, and then delivered them late to his house.  We're worried that her behavior will continue to escalate until we take her to court.  

We have read that we can file a "show cause" order, but we are considering doing it on our own without an attorney because of financial concerns.  What types of things should we bring before we do this?

Thank you to anyone who can offer us advice!

[Ref]

Reasonable visitation just means "reasonable" based on what the CP thinks. DH had reasonable for all of his visitation and he couldn't sue for contempt because it is so subjective.

What I would do is have your SO write a letter stating that he would like to ba able to see his kids for some dinners during the week. Have him put exact times and dates that he can have them (pick 6 or 7 days). Ask her to let him know if any of these are times available. Then send the letter certified.

I would also sent letters of intent in the same manner (certified) to BM stating exactly what time and where you would do the exchange.

Make sure your SO is as nice as possible on these letters because they maybe used as evidence if this thing has to go to court.

If financial concerns are on the forefront you may have to consider conceding this one. DH now considers any "reasonable" visitation nonexistant and lives with the schedule he has. You can't force hatefilled people to be flexible or give an inch.

If you think BM will get worse with the kids before court, you are probably right. Dh's ex loses everytime we go to court (she files rediculous claims). Each time it costs DH a couple of thousand to defend himself. BM badmouths DH so bad to SD before every hearing that Sd's relationship with us is almost non-existant where it was pretty good before. After she loses...Whoa nelly...she badmouths him even more! If she can't win in court, she can win by alienating SD against us and that is the tactic she has employed.

I would try the certified letter route first. See where that get you. If that doesn't work you will probably have to go to court to modify the order stipulating that you can have the kids for specific dinners and get rid of the "reasonable" verbage alltogether.

Good Luck
Ref

[gemini3]

It turns out that we were served with court papers last week because BM is asking for more money, even though the support determination was just made in May.  So, we have to go to court anyway.

She's also started with abuse accusations now... like I said, it's just going to get worse.  

Since we have to go to court, we're going to go ahead (per Soc.) and ask for a clarification of visitation since she won't cooperate with my ex in any way.  She won't work with us on re-scheduling weekends, she won't let him see the kids during the week, nothing.  She always comes up with an excuse for why he can't see the kids.  It's all very frustrating.

Thanks for your help!

[Ref]

At least there may be a silver lining to a litigious BM.

Best Wishes,
Ref

[raymi]

Sounds like you do have some specified visitation days. If she does not show for those call the police and get them to write a report. Three of these = a partern. That is where to start. You have to have a disinterested 3rd party as a withness. If the police say they do not have to write a report ask to speak with supervisor. Then you can file for contempt.