New member; advice please. X in blatant contempt.

[backwardsbike]

Hello Friend.  Your story sounds so similar to mine its almost uncanny.  I have been a NCM for the last seven years.  The reason:  My new husband has a record.

My new husband has Bipolar disorder which was not diagnosed until three years after we were togther. Bipolar people do wild htings when they are in an unmediacted manic state adn my DH had been undiagnosed for about 20 years as close as we can figure it.  X had no problem with me having 50-50 cusotdy and being primary caretaker of the children, with my new Dh in the home, for the first nearly three years we were divorced.  

The "concern" only came up after i asked for child support.  And i only askled for CS becasue Ihad the kids over 80% of thier waking hours ( when they eat, use electricty, wear clothing that  had to purcahse etc).  X refused my request to provide groceries.  My DH, the felon, had been supporting all of us on his wages as a cook.  X is an engineer who makes 70K.  DH was a cook who made $6.00 an hour and worked six days a week, 10 to 12 hour days.  He was happy to support us all but when we had our own child we could no longer put food on the table.  I asked for help from X and he said "No".  So CS was set a $252 amonth for two kids.  Well, he didn't like that .

So he raised the issue of Dh being a danger based on his previous record.  He won primary custody adn my life went to pot after that. I owe huge legal bills becasue X can now no longer stand that Ihave any visitation at all withthe children and constantly tries to take it away.  I havebeen investigsted by CYS twice due to his calling adn making up stuff.  But they still have to investigate.  They have found that no child in my home is in any danger.  But still I have to undergo trips to a newly appointed GAL who castigates me for marrying this "inappropriate" person who somehow manages to be a homeroom parent, field trip chaprone etc etc with his own children.

Myself adn my DH both hold clean child abuse clearances, we have had no CYS involvement except what was instigated by X.  I am a nurse for 25 years, I am currently enrolled in a master's program in rehabilitation counsleing.  yet still, becasue I chose to marry someone with a record I am treated like a criminal.  Oh, by the way, I have never been arrested.

My advice is this: Make sure you really love this woman and that the sacrifce you will make is worth it to you.  Then fight to get unspuervised and reconcile yourself to being a NCP.  Be prepared to fight in court for anything you want. Understand that your credibility will take years to establish witht he judge.  Mine automatically disbeleived me for the first five to six years. Heck ihad to get a psych eval on myslef to prove to my own attorney that I wasn't nuts!  I am NOT kidding you.

If your lady has a clean child abuse clearance, get a copy adn present it to the court.  They don't cost much.  I also had an evalaution done of my DH. COst about $1500.  It did get us out from under having to have an adult supervisor present when he was with the NC kids and I was working.  I am sure that only happened becasue I had hired a caregiving agency that does care for the elderly.  They loved us becasue thier workers didn'thave to do anything while they were here except sit in a chair adn watch my DH interact with all four kids.  But they cost a dollar more an hour than I was making.  hence..all the CS i was ordered to pay went to the care agency adn NOT to my X. He likes money so that was a motivator to get him to allow the evaluation which of course went in our favor.  An X's greed can sometimes be your best friend.

FInd yourself some support.  This is a great site.  If you feel like you are in need of counsleing that can help.  It  provided me with tremendous support when I was really down.  But there is nothing like peer support.

Keep top knotch documentation and do not let your X ger away with anyhting. Learn to file contempt motions yourself if you have to.  You have to defend yor rights vigourously from the get go and it sounds like you are already abit behind.  Never fear, just dig in and get to it.

If you would like more info or if I can be a support to you, feel free to email me thru this site.  Good luck to you and your new lady.  People who break they law are people too.  They can often, if they choose, be rehabilitated.  Each one of us has a personailty.  And people who have been to jail may be very good people inside, my DH certainly is.  But if you want to live a life with someone who has done time, be prepared to be ridiculed and discriminated against. It isn't for everybody.  But I'm a pretty tough cookie and I've made it work for me.  You can to, if its the right course of action for you.

[MixedBag]

there are wonderful articles that are linked to this site, and you can find them by using the links at the bottom of this page.

Understand that you are not alone.  While each of us hasn't had the same experience, there are plenty of other people that have experienced what you are going through.

good legal books are available at //www.westlaw.com and //www.lexis-nexus.com (I think I spelled that right).  Find the code/law for your state.

And don't be afraid to ask questions -- no question is dumb.  But the one you wanted to ask, left unasked -- will always haunt you.

Since this is a group of people, you're gonna get different points of view from different people.  If someone is "out there in left field" usually, someone one else will post and say "Hey, I don't agree with that and here's why...."  And that's the good thing about this board.  

lastly, remember that decisions made by judges can be as unique as each and every judge other there.  There is no set formula to get things to go the way YOU want like math formulas.  So, others can share experiences.....and what NORMALLY SHOULD happe.

[overcomer33]

Hello and thank you for your support. I want to reply to you most appropriately when I have more access to the library computer. I'm using someone elses now and they need it. I want to talk.

soon
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[overcomer33]

Mixed bag, thanks for your help. As I told backwrds bike, I want to reply to each poster that has replied to me, and I will soon. Great advice and I'll come back with many more questions, thx!!

a