NCP no show

[HelpingHands]

What do you do when the NCP doesn't show?

She was to have notified me at least 2 days in advance that she wasn't going to exercise her visitation per the court order. She was a no call, no show. She did however call later in the evening, from home- but never mentioned the visitation at all to my wife or child, she just asked to speak with our child.

This is a new order requiring her to travel long distance to my home for weekend visitations she's wishing to exercise.

Do I write a letter to her (cc'd attys, court) asking to be informed as per the court order next time? How do you word something like that?

Thanks!

[Kitty C.]

It sounds like you won't have to give her too much rope to do it, either.  Definitely document each and every time she fails to show up, tho.

One thing to keep in mind.  Is there anything in your new order that states if the NCP fails to arrive for p/u by a certain time (w/o calling to inform she'll be late for whatever reason), she forfeits the visitation?  DH has had that in his CO since day 1.  If you don't have that, you might consider including it if you ever go for modification.

Just remember:  you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.  The CO can give her all the opportunities possible, but if she fails or refuses to accept what's given to her, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.  But if she establishes a status quo with her failure to exercise her visitation, it could very well cut her visitation permanently if a mod. is ever done.  Hence the need to document her failures.

[HelpingHands]

How do you document it? Just keep a journal, along with phone calls, etc?

Won't it end up a he said/she said if it ever goes to court? She can claim that during one of her phone calls to our daughter, she notified me like required. Can't she?  

I guess the main point for the judge will be that she doesn't exercise the visitations and find that is more important/the issue than the fact she didn't inform me she wasn't going to, huh?

I've always been on the other end, practically 'begging' for her to let me see our daughter when I was allowed to. I documented the missed visitations by police reports, phone records and school check out sheets.

[awakenlynn]

if you have a cell phone, it will keep track of incoming and outgoing phone calls.

if you don't you can ask for a copy of "x" months or years of ex's phone records.  That way you have her outgoing and your outgoing to show no phone calls between parties.

Lynn

[HelpingHands]

yep, we've done that for the last 1 1/2 yrs. It DID nail her with re: my calls to her when she refused to allow calls.

Now she's calling the house # and the cell numbers. It's possible she will say that during one of the calls to our daughter that she told one of us that she wasn't coming.

That's why I don't like the wording in this order the judge drew up.

[awakenlynn]

Your daughter at any age is not a reliable method of leaving a message and if that is her arguement, it should be discounted by the judge and you will have proof with your telephone recordings/transcripts that ex did not tell you she was not coming.

Lynn

[MixedBag]

O.K., I too am a long distance NCP to our son.

For 5 years, I could not exercise the part in our decree that said something close to "given two weeks notice, son and I get one weekend per month" due to the distance and work conflicting.

I suggest you look at the 3 elements of contempt that Socrateaser has explained on his part of the board.

As the NCP, I chose to notify my ex via writing when I wanted to use these weekends.  I've been using them now for the last 4 years because I finally figured out HOW I could afford them and get off work to do it.

After about 6 months, EX#2's girlfriend, Camilla, threatened to take them away because I didn't use them for the first 5 years after the divorce.  My reply  "I dare you."  That was almost 4 years ago, and my son and I have one weekend a month together inspite of the long distance.

As the CP, in the case, the 3rd element of contempt is your key.  Telling the child over the phone is not proper notification to the parent.  Always take a positive approach to the child spending time with both parents and if the NCP had notified YOU, then you would have supported the time.

I do everything via priority confirmed delivery so that the CP cannot claim ignorance.....never via phone.

Hope this helps.

[HelpingHands]

How would you word a letter to her acknowleging that she didn't show and didn't call to inform me she wasn't going to show?

I know it's in my best interest to get it in writing. She's one who claims stuff happens that didn't and didn't that did and will twist HER failure to communicate with me per the order as me not being available for her visitations. I KNOW IT WILL COME TO THAT. She claims she has difficulty reaching our daughter by phone, yet every single time she calls, no matter what day, time of day or nite, she gets to speak to her instantly. I have never denied her a phone call. EVER. Yet, she told the judge she can't get in touch with her.

[mistoffolees]

I guess I'm having a hard time figuring out why you should do anything.

As I understand it, she's entitled to take the kids some times. If she doesn't want to take them, she notifies you 2 days in advance, but she 'forgets' to do that and just doesn't show up.

The end result is that you get extra time with your kids and she doesn't. Document it and be grateful for the extra time. Just don't plan anything in advance for the days she's supposed to take the kids so it doesn't mess up your schedule.

If you go to court, you're going to spend a lot of money and have a battle on your hands. What do you really expect to gain? You can't force her to see the kids. Even if you get 2 days notice, is that really worth the expense and hassle of making a court case out of it?

[Kitty C.]

If she takes you to court over this, remember that SHE is the one who has to prove she didn't get the child.  Certainly document all the phone calls, but she has to prove exactly what you had to when you were previously denied.  And you know she can't.   And I also see no reason whatsoever that you need to communicate with her about it.  She obviously can read and knows what the CO says, so now it's up to her.  Like the previous poster said, you can't force her to do anything, only the CO can do that and if she chooses to do otherwise, that's HER loss.  Remember, it's HER choice.