inconvient visitation

[krom71]

I have recently had all my visitation cancelled because it is too inconvient for the mother.  

I changed my hours at work because it would make it easier for me to get a sitter, and spend time with my son.  Now she is saying that it isn't convient for her to allow me any visitation.  I would like to have full custody of my son, but that matter hasn't come before the court system yet.  As of yet I have had no placement and it has been six months my son is only six and half months old.  

My attorney says that none of this matters...the fact that I have had my visitation decreased to now that I have none, that I have never been allowed placement of my son.  I haven't even been allowed to take him to my parents so that they can see thier grandchild.  I am not allowed to take pictures of him.  She has been nice enough to grant me one photo of my son.

I have tried to arrange for a late christmas for my son without involving the court system but rather just asked it of her.  She said she would consider it then denied this too.

What step would I need to take to gain full custody of my son?
Is it possible that she can do this?
Are thier any resources or documentations that can help me get custody of my son?
If I should get custody how do I start to arrange her visitation, I don't want to take him away from his mother.
Are there any steps that I could use to show this all to the court without looking like I am being vengeful toward her?

[notnew]

Fire your lawyer.

Get a new lawyer. Interview several. Ask for results they have gotten for persons in your type of situation. Ask for references and call to check them out. Ask how many family law cases they handle vs. other types. Make an informed decision.

If you want to keep your useless lawyer. Have a meeting, present your goals and tell him/her you expect him/her as the person you hired for the job to reach those goals.

Unless there is something that you have done that makes you an unfit person to have a relationship with your child, there is no reason why you shouldn't. AND wanting to have a relationship with your child is NOT vengeful to the mother.

Your attorney need sto file an ex-parte motion for vistiation. Call and ask him/her to do it today.

Do NOT agree to the mother getting sole custody. You want joint or shared at best.

The child has been living with the mother for 6 months or more. Unless she is a really bad mother, you most likely will not get custody. Recognize this now.

Also, what you see as bad mothering, may not and most likely will not be considered so by the courts. If mom has managed to get custody and she is really a rotten parent, she can almost get away with just about anything without losing custody of that kid. Sad fact.

You need to get a visitation order in PLACE NOW. Tell your lawyer you want this done NOW and keep following up every two days to find out the status until they realize you mean business. If the lawyer does not do what you ask, then you know what I would do.

Your parents can file for grandparents rights (access to the child) and they should do so immediately.

Don't mention the belated Christmas anymore. The kid is 6 mos. old. Not aware there was a holiday missed. Your focusing on this shows  you care about what is happening to YOU, not what is happening to the kid.

The court is supposed to be focusing on what is in the best interest of the child. YOU should be too. No, she is denying ME the child. Correct statement; she is keeping the child from having a healthy relationship with the father which will damage the child emotionally.

All your focus should be on what is good for the kid. Nobody cares about you in this. Remember that.

Are you paying CS?

Is paternity an issue?

Has there been a custody order in place yet, even temporary?

Did you have ANY type of vistiation order in place at all?

We really need more information to help steer you in the right direction.

Not a lawyer, just words of experience.

[mistoffolees]

Just a couple of questions -

How is custody currently defined in your court order?
What does your court order say about visitation?
Is there any question of paternity?
Are there any allegations of abuse?

Assuming that you have a normal court order, I'd agree with notnew. The other parent has no legal right to keep you from seeing your son. You are legally entitled to spend time with your son with the appropriate amount of time determined by the court.

I agree completely with notnew - you need to either straighten your attorney out or get a new one (I'd vote for the latter). They should either ask for a contempt citation against your ex if you already have visitation spelled out and she's not following it or a court order on allowed visitation.

However, if any of the above questions indicate that it's more complicated than you've implied, then there may be a good reason why your attorney isn't enforcing your rights, so you might want to sit them down and demand an accounting of why you're not entitled to normal visitation.

Personally, I would drop the idea of obtaining full custody. While preventing visitation CAN lead to a change in custody, it's not likely and it seems to me that it's even less likely for a 6 month old child. I would think that you could reasonably ask for joint custody. If your ex then continues to prevent you from seeing your son, then you might be able to make a case for full custody, but I just don't see it at this point based on what you've described.

[janM]

"Your parents can file for grandparents rights (access to the child) and they should do so immediately."

Wrong. In most states (as far as I know) grandparents have no inherent rights to the child. They would have to meet certain criteria to even file, including an existing relationship with the child, which, if denied, would not be in the child's best interest.

And if paternity is not established, dad has no rights yet either. Usually if a dad has parenting time, he can share it with the g'parents if he wishes.

If you weren't married, mom can call all the shots, as she has custody. If you haven't already, file for paternity, child support, and parenting time.

[notnew]

Janm,

I would specifically check it out in the state he resides to see how grandparents fare with access issues. There have been successful cases brought in my state and my understanding it that it is a ball that is rolling in most states. It's always worth a try if nothing else.

A dad shouldn't have to share his limited time with g'parents (other then regular family events). I've allowed some time on my regular visits, but usually they dont' ask for it and the mother has my child the bulk of the time anyway so why shouldn't she be expected to encourage a relationship with ALL of my child's family members. That is what the court is supposed to look at too, which parent will facilitate a relationship with the other parent and all family involved.

He didn't say if paternity was established or not. I made generalized statements but did ask for specifics at the end of my post. You are correct, he may not have any rights at all at this point, but the fact his lawyer has been doing nothing for 6 months is disgraceful.

[krom71]

Yes, paternity has been established through a paternity test, perhaps one of the reasons the mother is so upset with me.

As far as abuse I haven't heard a word about abuse, there was no abuse in the relationship.

The mother and myself were not married, we did share residency for a while.  Relationship lasted for 2 years

The only reason that I did mention the belated christmas is too bring the point across that she is doing everything possible to stop anytime that I might request with the child.  There is no order for visitation but that has been started as of recent.

Yes to the child support, and no to any thing else that has been occuring in the court  system as I have not been able to get into court as her attorney has made every effort to delay any court proceedings.  We are set to goto mediation soon.

I have not been allowed to feed, change or bond with my son in any way, it would seem to me that this would determental in a father-son relationship and wouldn't allow him to bond with his father.  During the limited visitations I was allowed, I was not allowed to care for the child if he needed to be changed I would have to give him to the mother to do this and he would then be returned to me.  When the mother wasn't present for the visitation, her mother (child's maturnal grandparent) would attend to my visitation.  This occured the majority of the times.

According to the order we now are sharing joint custody, however everytime that I request any information about my son, immunization information, doctor visit information...devolopemental information (eating information, activity level) I get only genral and board information such as...he sleeps well...he is eating ok...Doctor visits are o.k.  This information does not indicate how well he is devoloping or if there are any medical issues.

They are now looking at my other son. I have another son from a marriage that ended in divorce.  While his mother and myself do enjoy a truely joint and open parenting schedule, will this effect my time or influence the courts in any time with my infant son?  My fist son's mother and I have no visitation schedule but rather we do enjoy a very fair share division of his times, this is great and we both enjoy a great relationship to our son.

I really don't want to pursue full custody but rather do want my child to know his father.  I feel that he should have the right to get to know his father and have his father in his life.  It would appear to me that this should have started already as keeping him from me is only going to estrange any start of a relationship and cause future difficulties in his acceptance of me. It is my belief that a child should have both a mother and father with him.....when this isn't possible then mother and father should both share in the raising of the child.  I don't want to take him away from his mother, he has a right to know her and have his mom.  By the same token she shouldn't have the right to strip him of his father.  However it wouldn't appear that she is sharing the same views that I am.

Lately there has been the accusation of a sleeping disorder, there is no medical history or diagnoses of this, my attorney says that he feels this is totally unfounded.  Her attorney says they will provide evidence through testimony that would indicate I would not be able to care for a child because of this.  I don't understand how I could be accused of this when there is no diagnoses or history to support it, futher more even my ex-wife will say there is no sleeping disorder.

I have tried to answer any questions that you have asked and to explain things a little more.
I am hoping in doing so I can get some ideas as to how I can change things so that my son can have his dad in his life.

[notnew]

If your order does not contain any language spelling out when you have parenting time, you need to file a Motion for Clarification - ASAP. Also, you need to get a motion in to get time with your kid on an ex-parte (emergency) basis. Ask your lawyer about it and see what he says.

If you are supposed to be going to mediation, why is her lawyer alleging you have a sleeping disorder that keeps you from being able to properly care for the child? Sounds to me like mediation is just a "going through the motions" thing and they are preparing for trial.

I am glad that you have a great arrangement with your ex-wife. The existence of your other child should not hinder your current legal battle. However, it may even support it because your children need to know each other too.

If I were you, I would not agree to any visitation in a "supervised" environment like it sounds like the mother has imposed. They need to present a reason to the court why they feel you cannot have time with the child and the court gets to make the decision, not her or her family.

Again, I feel your lawyer is failing you. I think you need to have a meeting and discuss the situation and ask what the plan is and the estimated time frame to meet certain milestones that YOU set. You deserve results. You've paid for representation and you should be getting it.

You should have days with your child. Asking her on the phone won't work. You should send her a letter setting out specific days and times. Send it certified return receipt requested. Show up even if she doesn't answer. Keep a copy of your latest court orders with you at all times so you can prove that you have the right to the child as she may call the police. If she doesnt' allow you to visit, your letters are proof that you have tried and you can use that in court.

I also think  you should meet in a public place to exchange the child like a police station to avoid any false allegations. There is a lot of excellent advice on this website in the articles area, etc., read it.

You have a lawyer. YOU are paying him. He is your employee for all intents and purposes. He needs to WORK FOR YOU. Right now, that is not happening.

I am not critizing you for the mention of Christmas, only letting you know that how you approach things in the courts is very imporant.

Good luck.