School Recess Visitation

[HzlEyez]

Hi,

I am posting this because, I need advice on how to help my boyfriend.  We currently live in NYS.  
My boyfriend has a visitation order that states the following:
Vacations: Winter, Mid-Winter and Spring Recess from 5pm-9:30pm: father to be entitle to two (2) days out of the recesses.  The parties shall agree to the days/dates of such visits during the week before any such recesses.  
Holidays: 11am-7pm pickup and drop off curbside of residence.
My boyfriend has been sending letter's to his child's mother to coordinate the two day's he is entitled to but, in the last response he rec'd from the child's mother, she is indicating to him that the recesses are holidays.  
My boyfriend then replied to her via a letter, "that if recesses are holidays then the time should occur from 11am-7pm and the pick up and drop off should take place at the curbside of residence."  He also drew up a table that gave her two options which had dates, time and location to occur for the parenting time for the school recess based on the holiday schedule.
My boyfriend had the letter sent via a courier service to the child's mother's workplace and as per the messenger the office refused the letter.  
My boyfriend then faxed it to the child's mother workplace and rec'd a confirmation sheet indicating it went through. but, my boyfriend to cover himself sent it via Express Mail and when he checked the status of the Express Mail it is indicating that it was refused by addressee.  
My boyfriend doesn't know what to do now b/c the letter directed the child's mother to reply before April 4, 2007 via his employer's fax.  
My boyfriend also indicated on the letter, "if I receive no response to the contrary I will assume the first option on this current letter is acceptable to you."
Should my boyfriend go to the curbside of the residence as he indicated on the letter to the child's mother he would do if he received no response or should he not show up?  Need urgent help any advice from anyone would be really appreciated.

[notnew]

NO HE SHOULD NOT FOLLOW THE HOLIDAY SCHEDULE FOR THE SPRING BREAK!!

If he agrees to her skewed view of the order, then it could give the impression that he is ok with changing things to that way.

He should follow the court order to the letter. DO not EVER try to reason with her thinking. Follow the court order. The court order is literal. It means what it says. Anything it doesn't say doesn't apply.

He has the proof that she has refused the letters. The order states the parents are to agree BEFORE the days take place.

SO - he needs to file an ex-parte motion to enforce the visitation order. The ex-parte is an emergency hearing. I assume the spring break is next week. He needs the hearing with-in 24 hours. He needs to bring all of his proof with him to the hearing. In some cases, ex-parte hearings don't require the other party be present but in my state, they must be served by 1:30 PM the day before for a hearing to be scheduled the next day. This is one of the exceptions in serving the other party too - he can serve her himself. You cannot do this in any other instances.

Call the court where the order was issued to find out what steps you must take to get an emergency hearing. He should also call her and leave a voice mail letting her know that he is proceeding with court action if she won't agree to XX days per the court order. One final chance for her to do the right thing.  

He also needs to file a Motion to Clarify or in the alternative, modify the visitation order. He needs to spell out the exact days and times he has the child.

The holiday schedule should be changed. We had a split schedule that was not exactly like yours, but did split the days for the most part. What did it result in? Holidays where my child has memories of rushing to open presents, get ready to go to the other parent and do the same thing again. No time to relax and enjoy. The other parent was/is hostile so there was always conflict around these times. Not good for the child at all.

Does he have overnights at all? When he gets back into court to clarify/modify his order he needs to have his proposed order in hand. He should have EOW, holidays (the entire holiday needs to be with one or the other parent), and the spring/winter break needs to be spelled out too.

When she knows he will be serious about hauling her back to court she will change her tune.

Good luck.

[ocean]

I agree...I never heard of that type of schedule for the vacations. How old are the kids? If they are school age, you should be splitting the vacations or doing the every other year. Go to the court and have them clarify the order since mom is not being cooperative. You can try for the emergency hearing but it is hard to get here in NY. Bring all your proof down to the courts and let them help you fill out the correct paperwork for the hearing AND ask to fill out paperwork for a hearing to change the working. (This will not be done in court on the same day...)

Also, from now on, you can send letters with the green certified receipt from the post office. This tracks the letter and the mother does not have to sign for it but you can prove it was delivered. (I use to have them at home and at the top of the letter put the number to show more proof).
Good luck!

[HzlEyez]

Hi,

Thank you for your reply but, unfortunately I reviewed it too late.  My boyfriend still went and he got the child.  The child's mother than called him at work screaming and my boyfriend didn't reply so, she hung up the phone.  She then called him back saying, "that he was lucky he had his daughter."  She was like he was suppose to have her from 5pm-9:30pm.  My boyfriend then told her you had an opportunity to reply and you didn't.  Furthermore, if those are the times that I am to have the child then the pick up and drop off is suppose to be at the Dunkin Donuts.  She was like who is going to take the child there.  My boyfriend then replied to her that wasn't his problem he has to go by the court order.  She then told him that her employer has called her attention to the constant letters she receives from his behalf to her employer's office.  My boyfriend told her well the only reason I send it to your job is because, when I have attempted to send it to your home via certified mail you have not gone to the post office to pick it up after a notice has been left by the post office carrier.  My boyfriend know's she is lying about that.  She also then went about how she is tired of this?  My boyfriend was like you brought this all upon yourself when you brought me to court.  Before I was able to pick up my daughter any day at any time and it was you who took me to court so, deal with it.  He hung up the phone on her.

[HzlEyez]

Hi,

Thank you for your reply.
My boyfriend was sending the letters to her home via certified mail and what would happen is a notice would be left for her to go to the post office to pick it up.  She wouldn't go to the post office.  My boyfriend then decided to send it to her job via certified mail and it is there that someone signs for it and she gets the letters.  Now she is complaining how her employer is calling her attention on the letters going to the job.  My boyfriend was like that isn't his problem he needs a way to communicate with her and to cover himself so, she doesn't falsely accuse him as she has done in the past.

[notnew]

Him contacting her at work is harassment. He should stop. Send the letters to her home. Her refusal to pick them up proves she is not cooperating.

[notnew]

Good job!

He should keep her for the time he is supposed to and be at the Dunkin Donuts at the drop off time.

He needs to stop arguing with her. Keep conversations business like and to the point.

He still needs to file the motion to clarify and/or modify the visitation.

He should not send anything to her job

[Jade]

>Hi,
>
>I am posting this because, I need advice on how to help my
>boyfriend.  We currently live in NYS.  
>My boyfriend has a visitation order that states the
>following:
>Vacations: Winter, Mid-Winter and Spring Recess from
>5pm-9:30pm: father to be entitle to two (2) days out of the
>recesses.  The parties shall agree to the days/dates of such
>visits during the week before any such recesses.  
>Holidays: 11am-7pm pickup and drop off curbside of residence.
>My boyfriend has been sending letter's to his child's mother
>to coordinate the two day's he is entitled to but, in the last
>response he rec'd from the child's mother, she is indicating
>to him that the recesses are holidays.  
>My boyfriend then replied to her via a letter, "that if
>recesses are holidays then the time should occur from 11am-7pm
>and the pick up and drop off should take place at the curbside
>of residence."  He also drew up a table that gave her two
>options which had dates, time and location to occur for the
>parenting time for the school recess based on the holiday
>schedule.
>My boyfriend had the letter sent via a courier service to the
>child's mother's workplace and as per the messenger the office
>refused the letter.  
>My boyfriend then faxed it to the child's mother workplace and
>rec'd a confirmation sheet indicating it went through. but, my
>boyfriend to cover himself sent it via Express Mail and when
>he checked the status of the Express Mail it is indicating
>that it was refused by addressee.  
>My boyfriend doesn't know what to do now b/c the letter
>directed the child's mother to reply before April 4, 2007 via
>his employer's fax.  
>My boyfriend also indicated on the letter, "if I receive no
>response to the contrary I will assume the first option on
>this current letter is acceptable to you."
>Should my boyfriend go to the curbside of the residence as he
>indicated on the letter to the child's mother he would do if
>he received no response or should he not show up?  Need urgent
>help any advice from anyone would be really appreciated.


Your boyfriend should NOT agree to a holiday schedule for the Spring Break.  That would mean he would only get his child one day, when he should be getting more.  

If the parenting plan is difficult to reach an agreement on (and it appears to be since she is wanting to take time away), he really should go to court and get the days for the school breaks clearly spelled out.

[HzlEyez]

My boyfriend is holding off on going to court b/c he wants to go when we has the school records that he requested so, he can file a hearing for the modification of the custody & visitation order.  He is then going to file contempt charges against her so, that she can be held accountable for any denial of parenting time she has done to him in the previous months as per a lawyer he has up to a year to file the charges.  The lawyer advise him to file both but, to request the custody & visitation order be a week before the contempt hearing so, that he can negotiate a better court order and then once he gets what he wants he can drop the charges.  The lawyer told him its a way to back the child's mother into a corner and really be held accountable for her actions.  The lawyer said,"that once my boyfriend does this he will see the change in the child's mother."

[HzlEyez]

You know it's hard not to argue with a person who is arguing with you.  If anything this is actually the first time they have spoken in a long time b/c the last time they spoke she had him falsely arrested and so, after that incident he refused to have any conversations with her via phone. That is why he decided on the letters because, it was his way of covering his butt.
The only reason he was sending the letters to her employer's office was due to the fact he attempted to her home and also, he attempted through a third party.  The one's that went to the home she wouldn't pick them up at the post office. The one's attempted to be given to the third party, the third party refused to accept them.  
Plus my boyfriend knew that by sending them to the job it would hold the staff accountable for receiving it and signing for it.  I honestly don't see what is wrong with receiving mail at your employer's job.  I mean everyday correspondence arrive's at the office from different people from everywhere and the office doesn't refuse receiving mail from those other people so, this shouldn't be any different.  But, don't worry I will tell my boyfriend to stop and just send it to her home and if she doesn't get it that will be more proof for him on how she doesn't want to work with him in the best interest of the child.