I need some calming down I think...

[Amy_in_MA]

My son's dad takes our 6 year old for about 5 hours every other Saturday, his choice to have that little time. And he has another son (by someone else) who is 2 years younger, and he has a step-son with his separated from wife who is 5. Our son is the smallest of the 3 (he's still not even 38 lbs.). So, they are all still of an age and size that they need carseats.

Well, when he has all three boys (which is pretty much every Saturday visit), three car seats don't fit and my son has been telling me that he sits in the middle without a car seat and with just the seat belt. I've talked to the ex about this, and how he needs to figure something else out because it is not acceptable or optional for the child not to be in a car seat.

This morning, my son starts telling me about yesterday at his dad's...that he and his step-brother (who is 5) were playing outside in the yard with golf clubs and balls. My son said he hit two balls hard and they went into the street. He tells me how he looked one way, then the other way, then back again the other way before he went into the street to get the balls. This is not a rural area...this is a small city. I asked where daddy was, why he didn't go get the balls or check the street. He said daddy was inside the house watching a baseball game and that he too occupied  to come out and watch them/play with them.

I am FURIOUS. He is SIX YEARS OLD! I'm sorry but he should NOT be running into the street  to get balls, completely unsupervised. Am I really being compulsive about the safety stuff, or is this completely negligent? How the heck do I ensure my child is safe when he's with his dad when his dad just doesn't think this stuff matters? From the stories my son tells, dad is NEVER actually doing stuff with them, they are always pretty well self-supervised.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[Jade]

>My son's dad takes our 6 year old for about 5 hours every
>other Saturday, his choice to have that little time. And he
>has another son (by someone else) who is 2 years younger, and
>he has a step-son with his separated from wife who is 5. Our
>son is the smallest of the 3 (he's still not even 38 lbs.).
>So, they are all still of an age and size that they need
>carseats.
>
>Well, when he has all three boys (which is pretty much every
>Saturday visit), three car seats don't fit and my son has been
>telling me that he sits in the middle without a car seat and
>with just the seat belt. I've talked to the ex about this, and
>how he needs to figure something else out because it is not
>acceptable or optional for the child not to be in a car seat.
>
>This morning, my son starts telling me about yesterday at his
>dad's...that he and his step-brother (who is 5) were playing
>outside in the yard with golf clubs and balls. My son said he
>hit two balls hard and they went into the street. He tells me
>how he looked one way, then the other way, then back again the
>other way before he went into the street to get the balls.
>This is not a rural area...this is a small city. I asked where
>daddy was, why he didn't go get the balls or check the street.
>He said daddy was inside the house watching a baseball game
>and that he too occupied  to come out and watch them/play with
>them.
>
>I am FURIOUS. He is SIX YEARS OLD! I'm sorry but he should NOT
>be running into the street  to get balls, completely
>unsupervised. Am I really being compulsive about the safety
>stuff, or is this completely negligent? How the heck do I
>ensure my child is safe when he's with his dad when his dad
>just doesn't think this stuff matters? From the stories my son
>tells, dad is NEVER actually doing stuff with them, they are
>always pretty well self-supervised.
>
>--------------------
>
>Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become.
>Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your
>ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.
>
>     ~ James Allen


When your ex picks up your child and you don't notice a booster seat for him, you can refuse to let your son go until he has one.  But I think that you would have a hard time proving that he doesn't use it once he has your child.  Unless there is an adult who is witnessing this and willing to testify to this.  It's the same thing with the lack of supervision and your 6 year old going out into the street to get the balls.

What you can do is give your son the tools to protect himself.  Tell him not to go out in the street to retrieve the balls.  I don't know how effective it would be to tell him to refuse to get in the car unless he is in a booster seat, though.  Because his Dad would probably tell him to.

[olanna]

.

[Amy_in_MA]

My son has learned from an early age that he needs to basically look out for himself. I know his 11 year old sister will look out for him when she is there (she's not my child, but they have had a relationship since day one and her mother and I used to be friends). He won't not obey his father...it goes against what he's been taught that daddy is the boss when he's with him and mommy is the boss when he is with her. What he does do is tell me...I think because he's 1) trying to figure out just how bad this is, and 2) wants me to intervene on his behalf. I will tell him not to go retrieve balls from the street, to go get his dad or another adult for that. This is a child who, when a toddler, held his pee for 8 or 9 hours all day while with his dad because he didn't want to have to ask to pee in front of him. We've had issues with proper feeding as well (so I sent snacks in our son's backpack so when he got hungry he would have something to eat). He's getting older at least, and more responsible and I know that, even at 6 years old, he's got a really good head on his shoulders. He just feels apparently somewhat powerless over this situation with his dad and getting his needs met. He has two car seats, but when he comes to pick up our son, usually only one of the other boys is in the car...so at the time of pick up there IS a car seat for him...just not after he's gotten the third child for the back seat. The 11 year old sits up front.

--------------------

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen