Visitation battle...father just a sperm donor:(

[shosho71]

Since my divorce 7 yrs. ago my wife was given physical custody and due in part that I was an emotional wreck when the divorce occurred.  I didn't beat my wife or son I was in a sad state and attempted suicide.  I have never believed in divorce and couldn't fathom the idea.  Ever since my divorce, I've felt like just a sperm donor because I have no rights in my sons life.  BUT I am happy to report that since then...its the best dang thing that has happened to me and working an awesome job and loving my new life.
Anyway to my situation:
Because of what happened I had to do supervised visitation.  The past 4 yrs. I've been a stellar dad and have jumped thru every hoop need to get unsupervised visits.  Well this is where it gets sticky.  I got to a point where my ex has let me have unsupervised the last two yrs. and this past yr. she actually let him come out for a week to my home and two weeks this past summer to my new home.  Now we actually havent set this in the divorce agreement and I was wondering if I went back to court if I should use this against her....the reason I want to go back to court is that she wants to control when and where he comes out which she was like "next summer" and I would like him to come out for x-mas...she said no way that it is too hard on him...he is too tired when he gets back from his visits.  Well I would like to get so that its set in stone when he can and cant be here like a normal divorce... 3 weeks in the summer, everyother x-mas, etc.  and I know that if I ask her she will say NO WAY!  
He is going to be 12 next month and this last visit he was with me he expressed with me that he wanted to come see me more often.....which I feel I should fight for.
Now in the divorce agreement it states that I should do a psych eval and that the court would decide whats best and evaluate as we go.  Three yrs. ago I did the psych eval. gave it to my wife and the courts and the court wanted us to hire a lawyer for our son.  Well I ended up finding out that her lawyer went back two weeks later and said we wouldn't need to hire a lawyer, which I didn't agree to.  We made a back door arrangement which said I would visit him every 3 months and we would go from there.....which I did and we have been working eversince w/out attorneys.  
My question:
Do I rock the boat and go back to court?
Do I eat crow and continue patiently with her schedule?
How should I approach her without digressing our current arrangements to a point that she will go back to supervised  visits (which worries me the most)?
How should I use the current visitation to favor me?
Should I just go ahead and get an attorney for my son for his best interest?
Confused and hope your not confused by what I put out there:)
thanks for all your support

[mistoffolees]

I would speak to a local attorney to get some advice from someone who has all the details and is familiar with your court system.

Unless your attorney discourages it, I would think that the appropriate thing would be to prepare a more lenient schedule and present it to the other side asking for permission to have it approved by the court. If they refuse, I would probably take it to court, anyway. At 12 years old, he's getting to the point where the courts MAY listen to his wishes - particularly if he's mature for his age and stable. I would think this is particularly true since you're not asking for a change in custody, just greater visitation.

But definitely rely on your attorney's advice rather than mine.

[olanna]

but in reality, your divorce happened 7 years ago, the plan is in place that she trusts you to have him unsupervised, and *she* has gone against the CO by allowing you unsupervised visits.

I see no good reason why you couldn't have a regular parenting plan in place.  What in world does she mean that your son is just too tired after visiting you???  Where do you live? Australia?  Geeze, now there is a cop out.  We fly from west to east coast a few times a year to see my family and my son is the same age as yours. He manages just fine.  I don't think him being sleepy for a bit is a valid reason to keep him away from his Dad.

[shosho71]

She live on the East Coast, I live on the West Coast.  We had a long talk about it and she explained she had "no Sympathy" for me because I chose to move to the West Coast and not stay on the East coast to raise our son.  I tried to refrain as much as I could from getting into old stuff but the best I could do was look where Iam coming from, she chose to get a divorce from me, she chose to be a single mother.  She had her parents their for her, my parents lived 2000 miles away.  I tried to stay out there (CT) but was only working to live, it was no life.  I had to work two jobs just so I could live in CT and I saw my son on Sundays which unfortunatley were spent cleaning, washing clothes, shopping, paying bills etc.  I literally worked 16 hrs. a day sometimes longer if I was needed.  It took the life out of me when she handed me the divorce papers.  And it was THE stupidest reason we got a divorce.  She wanted a provider so she could stay home and raise the kids and I was just a first yr. teacher making crap hence the reason for two jobs.  As most of you know rent alone in CT is around 2k depending on where you live.  She said I was never around (ummm yea I had work to provide), we were in debt to our ears and we lost connetion.  I don't drink, don't do drugs and dont abuse the ones I love.  But like I said, I gave her the most power when I thought all was lost..my heart sunk with those papers and I gave up so-to-speak.  Because of that she got full physical custody and I had to have supervised visits.  
I will admit my first two yrs out of my divorce I didn't call much and could hardly pay support...the court awarded her 800.00 a month on what I made in CT but not on what I was currently making.  I ended up getting a great job after the 2nd yr. in Cali and since then things have been great!  I have been battling my ex over this issue since the 3rd yr. and since then have paid all my back support and have jumped thru every hoop she has asked of me but when I do it just seems that she puts a new hoop/excuse in front of me to keep me from my son.
I spoke with an attorney and he said it could take several yrs. and over 20k to battle her......why? My son is 12 now and if it takes several yrs. he will almost be well old enough to figure it out himself...uggggghhh the struggles of what to do.  

[lostinlitigation]

Hi:

As my screen name implies, I was formerly in the same bi costal fight in which you are. The morass of court rules and attorneys were bleeding me dry when all I wanted was to see my children. I found a group that helped me when world looked hopeless.

You might want to contact Kathie by email at [email protected].

She helped me when I was helpless.

I wish you be best.

lostinlitigation