NCP uncooperative during visitation

[greatdad]

I was able to get a judge to modify visitation location closer to our city ( now only 2 hour ride 1 way) on Friday. Still have to travel 3 1/2 hours each way to pick up children on Sundays.
Problem is stbx, has been refusing to physically get the children at the meet spot and sends  a relative of hers that she brings. The relative has been very active in alienating the children on an ongoing basis.
stbx and myself are the only parties to the order and the order specifies that "the parties shall meet at X location at X time to exchange the children". My question is if stbx does not come and sends a relative OR if stbx refuses to get out of car to make a 30 second exchange, am I correct that I do not have to release the children to anyone but stbx, and would be justified in not doing so unless I at least see that stbx is present at the exchange?

[CustodyIQ]

What do you hope to gain?

If the mother brings that relative with her, the relative is still present.

If the mother comes by herself but won't get out of the car for 30 seconds, what do you care?

If you withhold the children and insist on reading the letter of the law that it must be a parent who picks them up, the mother can go back to court and will likely have success in modifying it to, "Any responsible adult acting on behalf of the parent"

If you have extremely strong evidence that this relative is bad news (beyond minor badmouthing), it's your duty to protect the children from danger.  But you better be able to prove that the relative beats them if they don't repeat words of hatred about you (or have an expert testify that it's not in the children's best interest to be around that relative).

I think if you refuse to release the kids (which is traumatic to them), it's a very short-term gain and potential has a long-term negative impact on you.

Checks-and-balances is what you need to consider in the whole scheme.

[MixedBag]

For this part:  "My question is if stbx does not come and sends a relative"  I think the answer is no because of what your order says.

For this part:  " if stbx refuses to get out of car to make a 30 second exchange"  I think the answer is yes, you better do the exchange because stbx is present (in the other car and you can see them).

[ocean]

Not worth the fight...just send them home....

[mistoffolees]

>For this part:  "My question is if stbx does not come and
>sends a relative"  I think the answer is no because of what
>your order says.
>

Technically, that's correct.

But I'm not sure that all judges would see it that way. Some might see it as playing a game to keep the kids from seeing their other parent. OP could lose more than they gain.

I'd be very careful. Before doing anything like not letting the kids go, I would:
1. Consult with an attorney
2. Give the other parent sufficient warning that it doesn't come as  a surprise.

[Ref]

It is tempting, I know. You need to recognize that even if this relative is active in PAS, you can't avoid the exposure to them when you are not around.

By making this an issue, you will just support your ex's position that you are difficult.

I read something on a bathroom wall once that said "If someone speaks badly of you, live your life in a way that is plain to everyone that they were wrong" - It was probably a quote from famous wise man, or maybe Dr. Phil... anyway. Be and make sure you appear to be the least petty and most respectable person you can, and your kids will eventually see through this garbage.

Best wishes
Ref

[Windd]

I would agree that if the parent is there then it appears to be a control issue on your part.

However if the parent is not there and is supposed to be there I more than likely would not let them go, especially if there is a right of first refusal clause. How would you know if the other parent is away for a couple days or half the day and has just not told you. Yes the parent could show up get the child and then leave child with relative.

Just my opinion

[greatdad]

Well NCP moved to another state and took kids originally. Then I won sole custody in Pendente a year ago. NCP chooses to remain in other state in order to live free with relatives causing the travel for the kids. NCP quit job as soon as I got modification allowing child support.NCP had her Atty fight to meet at an earlier time , when I modified  original visitation order, due to my  new work schedule . Then NCP has Atty call mine 4 hours before the visit (the one  she argued for ealier time on) and cancels, not just the Friday, but entire weekend.
The excuse was , no reliable transportation and relative she lives with had prior weekend obligation and couldnt help her out. I found out that NCP went to a sport event Friday night and relatives were right there as well.
I think I was right when I guessed that if I don't enforce that NCP must at least be "present" at the exchange, she would send whoever to get the kids.
She has these 2  very young children  traveling over 600 miles  EOW by car, between Friday night and Sunday night, thats 1200 miles a month !!
Yes, at final decree, I am going do all I can to eliminate that travel for the children. NCP can visit every weekend, but she should be the one doing the travel.....opinions ???

[mistoffolees]

I think you should let NCP be a parent and make her own decisions.

If she wants to take the kids to her own home EOW, that's her business, not yours.

Is it fun for the kids to drive? Of course not. But it's not going to do them any harm and their mother is entitled to spend time with them on HER terms, not yours.

Stop trying to control her.