stepparent or grandparent visitation

[FAMILY5]

**Since Soc has left, does anyone have any advice or suggestions as to what my family and I can do. Please read below!**

My husband is terminally ill and hospice has recently come in to keep him comfortable. He has an 11 year old daughter out of wedlock that he has visitation with and we also have two children ourselves. His daughters mother has never been the easiest thing to work with and we recently told here of my husbands condition. I advised my SD mother that my husbands family and I expect to continue a relationship with my husbands daughter even after my husband passes. However, knowing how difficult she is to work with due to past experience we are worried that she will try to cut us out of my SD's life. My questions are as follows:
*We live in the State of VA, do I, as a stepparent that has built a wonderful relationship with my SD over the years have any right to petition the court for visitation if I cannot get the mother to work with me outside of court since she does have 2 half siblings in this home?
*If I cannot petition the court, would my mother-in-law have the right to petition the court for grandparent visitation?
*The mother has stated in the past that she would like for her new hubby to adopt my SD and have my SD last name changed. I believe she may try to take these actions once my husband passes. Does she have the right to do this?
My husband's family and I would very much love to continue our relationship with my SD. She is a wonderful little girl and we have enjoyed having her in our life over the years. We are just afraid that once my husband is gone we will lose touch with her since her mother has always hated my husband and the mother will try to erase us from her life.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Even if you are not able to answer the question, just pointing us in a good direction would be great.
Thanks!!

 

[boilergal]

I'd probably at least try to have a consultation with one or two attornies to see what they have to say.

I don't know VA's laws, but you may have better success going the grandparents route especially since it's due to the loss of a parent (just my guess, nothing to substantiate that).

I believe she can probably have your SD adopted by her DH and have the name changed whether visitation is set up or not.

Have you done any online searches to check on VA statutes?

Sorry I can't be of more help.

Keep us posted please.

[koolkev312]

Im not familiar with your state and/or laws specifically but I would get down to the courthouse and even if you cant afford a lawyer petition the court anyways and ASK!!!!preferably while your husband is still here.

  I was just touched by your post because there wasnt a bunch of accusations,just a love 4 the child.Ive been living through a nightmare of accusations and untruths from a vindictive ex,and its been 7 years and i think ive aged 20 but I still have a WONDERFUL relationship with my daughter.Though now she is aiming for HER stepmom and father???!!!!Because their friendly to me?!!??


  I just feel 4 u and good luck(focus on your love)


k

[FAMILY5]

Thank you both for your replies.
I along with my mother-in-law have already contacted our attorney who has been dealing with us over the last 8 1/2 years with issues with my SD's mother. Unfortunately, my husband passed away over a week ago and our family was not successful with even getting extra time with my SD as our family dealt with such a terrible loss. Luckily, my SD's mother did allow my SD to come to the funeral but we have not seen her since. I attempted to get her for our already scheduled weekend visit so we could have some time with her and her mother stated that she was going to leave any further visitations up to her daughter and would not force any issue on her as issues had been forced upon her in the past (meaning previous visitation order that my husband had in order to see his daugther. SD's mother thought it should be left up to SD if she wanted to come visit her Dad and family when she was 3).
I am expecting to hear back from our attorney today so that he can advise us what to do. He has already stated that my mother-in-law would have the best chances of getting visitation since she is my husbands bloodline. As far as looking on the internet, the only thing that I have been able to find for the state of VA is they do hear cases for grandparent visitation and that one of the things the courts look into is what is in the best interest of the child before visitation is granted. I certainly think it would be in best interest for my SD to continue to see her family that loves her and for her to continue her relationship with my two minor children that are her half-brothers. (My SD and youngest son are two peas in a pod. They spend every minute together.)
We all miss my husband dearly and not being able to see my SD and spend time with her makes it feel like we all have lost two very special people in our lives. My SD's mother has never been encouraging of my SD's relationship with my husband and his family. The only way we feel that she will know how much this family and her dad loved her is by continuing visits with her.
Nonetheless, we are going to continue the attempts to contact and see my SD till we get this issue resolved in court. I will certainly keep the site updated. Maybe it will help someone else in our situation in the future.
Thanks again!

[MixedBag]

my condolences for the lost of your husband...

I hope you can figure things out.

And then come back and help others who are facing similar situations.