Feeling lost

[gemini3]

You said:  "So, if you have a strong relationship with your child, and SHE is saying she doesn't want to stay over or come, please do not immediately jump to PAS. She may just be expressing her needs and it's our job as parents to respect our childs needs."

One of a child's strongest needs at that age is to bond with and align herself with the person who is responsible for her existance - no matter how messed up that individual and their actions or desires may be.  That means that if your daughter in any way interprets her spending time with her father as something you don't like or would hurt you - she will resist it, regardless of how much she may want to.  

At her age, she is unable to put into words what her feelings mean.  If she observes that you are anxious (or, say how much you will miss her, for example) when it's time for her to spend time with her Dad, she will feel anxious too - and describe her feelings the way you describe your own.  In her mind, you and she are not seperate people yet.  No four year old can articulate feeling that "we haven't spent enough time together".  Maybe this are your own feelings that you're projecting onto your daughter.

Your job as a parent is to make sure that your children grow up happy, well adjusted people who are able to take care of themselves and their own offspring - not cater to their emotional whims.  There are lots of things kids don't want to do that are important and best for them - eating their veggies, going to bed on time, going to school, going to the doctor, wearing a jacket when it's cold out... the list is endless.

You mention that you always make sure she really doesn't want to go - this type of interrogation is most certainly coaching.  I agree with your ex.  If your ex was on this board I would encourage him to use the courts to protect his right to parent his child.  Hopefully you won't give him any more reason to.

[Davy]

Please be cautious in your responses.   This thread began in May approx. 5 mos ago.  She is not posting for advice but to inform the  original poster and all the other excellent responsers of "the other side" because "responses are pretty one sided".

In other words, the court, the child's father, and the rest of society is
wrong because she is the mother and everybody is not only to accept but also to promote her self serving manipulations.

This poster may be looking for sympathy or prepare for auguments to counter the oppressive controlling SOB father (in her mind or words) or his attorney for an upcoming court hearing.

I'm surprised laughterlove didn't sign on as ROFLMAO.

Just please be cautious.  laughterlove has nothing to offer anybody except hurt and pain to her daughter and she won't stop on her own.  

[tigger]

cross the interstate, are you going to respect her needs and let her?

[Erika]

I believe the posted began membership in May. This thread started this week.

Am I reading it wrong?

And who cares if she is a mother or father. If it is so one sided, how is it that I am a CP mom and I still take the dad's side?

[Davy]

Bart started the thread on Fri May-02-08 11:37 AM

Uhm.... I was a CP dad because I took the child's side but no one ever designated me as the best parent.

I certainly hope you are not implying that I may be anti-female ... anti socialist feminest ..absolutely big time.

Do you have a problem ?  

Did anyone ever designate you as the best parent ?  

The intent and purpose of my post is relevant. Yours is NOT  !!!

[gemini3]

I think Erika was talking about the most recent post - not when the thread was started.  I read her post as being directed at the laughterlove, not you.  I read it as her saying that the posters aren't "one-sided" (as laughterlove claims), because she is a woman and a CP, and yet she is siding with the father and not laughterlove.

I didn't see anything implying you're anti-female, and I thought her post was relevant to the subject, and I think she was correct in telling laughterlove that she shouldn't be interfering in her child's visitation with her father.

I don't see what you're attacking her for.

[Erika]

I cannot reply to Davy, it was too full of anger and animosity.

[Davy]

Gemini3 ... Erika clearly was responding to my post and to "the thread".  I had graciously answered her question about when the "thread" started.  I didn't expect it to become a big deal except that, in essence, is why I posted in the first place.... please read Sparc homepage... and you can easily determine the reason I thought a caution was appropriate (in addition to another experience when people died).  

And Gemini3 did somebody appoint you Erika's guardian ?  Why are you espousing these wild eyed accusations that I'm attacking Erika ?  I don't know her or anything about her.  

Of course I did ask, in a subtle way, if there was any evaluation of parenting capabilities or if the government simply labeled her "CP" because she is a female.  She brought it up I did'nt !!!  Of course nobody wants to answer that question and it is at the heart of all these problems for children....for example laughterlove.  

 

[gemini3]

Davy, I didn't read Erika's post the way you did.  I was offering a different perspective on her post and think I did it in a very respectful way.  You said "Do you have a problem?", which sounds extremely confrontational to me.

I agree that caution is appropriate, but this board would not exist if posters and members were unable to share advice and ideas for fear that the "opposing party" might read it.  It's a public forum.  I don't think that anyone said anything that would tip off laughterlove, or give her an unfair advantage in court.  

I personally think that it's our responsibility to try and educate people who are actively alienating their children from the other parent.

I'm not sure what you find so offensive in her post or my response.  I also don't think it's right to assume that just because someone is a woman and a CP they aren't actually a suitable parent and just got the favor of the court, or that they're anti-father.

For me, the goal is fair and equal parenting for BOTH PARENTS.  It's in everyone's benefit if both men and women, both CP's and NCP's, are moving toward that goal.  Let's fight the problem and not each other.

[Davy]

>I cannot reply to Davy, it was too full of anger and animosity<

No your entire statement is meaningless and false but should be translated :

" my entire life our government has repeatly told me my chit doesn't stink and I am not accountable for anything I say or do... I'm not going to start now"

Apparently you don't know the first thing about anger.  I think it is all hilarious.... but then I pause and consider how damaging it is to all the children and realize it is not hilarious at all.

You are probably a good person but it would be better if you stopped internalizing everything and gain an understanding that it is not about you personally so you could communicate effectively.

Do you think the government labeled you "CP' simply because you were the mother or was there a parenting evaluation ??

Just so you know my children always referred to me as "Dad" ... oh wait a minute oldest son called me "dickhead" when the government called his mother "CP'.... but basically my children chuckled at the labels because they knew the children ... all children know or eventually will know the difference.

Please respond.  Thanks !!