Picking kids up early

[Crockpot]

Looking for some opinions.  DH works until 1:30pm on Fridays.  CO says if BM is working that he picks the kids up at daycare.  The exchange is 5pm regardless.  On the Friday's he gets them from daycare he likes to get them earlier than 5pm.  Our thought is why should they be at a daycare when DH is at home.  Because DH won't give in to BM's every whim she told DH that she's giving the daycare instructions not to let DH pick the kids up before 5pm.  They start a new day care next week – it's a center not a home.  So, basically BM would rather have them at the day care then with their dad.  To punish him I guess...

DH and BM share legal.  DH will bring the daycare a copy of the divorce stating such.  What is the day care's obligation to the order?  If DH picks the kids up early, I'm assuming they have to release the kids.  BM will complain, bitch and scream but it's very unlikely that she'd file a contempt charge.  I don't think she even knows what one is.  And even if she did, would a judge really reprimand DH for getting his kids early when they're at daycare?

[Kitty C.]

I don't see how a judge could reprimand your DH for picking them up from daycare if it specifically says he can in the CO.  I would definitely show the CO to the new daycare center....they will have to be theones to decide whether they want to deal with the BM going off on them or being called to court because they violated a CO.

Also, talk to the daycare first.  Just because she told your DH that 'she's giving the daycare instructions not to let DH pick the kids up before 5pm' doesn't mean she actually did.  It could just be a threat.

[Giggles]

I often wonder..."WHY???"  What the he!! is going on in these PB's heads that make them do things like this?  I just don't understand other than pure selfishness and spite...which any judge would see quite clearly!!

Judge to BM:  "Why do you not want the father pick the kids up prior to 5 pm on his parental day?"

BM in response #1:  "Because he just shouldn't have even 1 minute more than he should!"

BM in response #2:  "Because I don't want the children around him any longer than is absolutely necessary!"

For the life of me I just can't figure out a "resonable" explination for her not wanting your DH to pick up the kids early.

[Crockpot]

There is no resonable response.  She's mad because DH won't give in to her when she asks for something.  We want something that doesn't affect her. She's at work

The reason the girls are going to a new daycare is becuase BM call the police on DH at the last one.  DH picked them up early and she had a fit.  DH has talked to them and they said they don't want any trouble.  He'll bring the document showing legal custody and see what they say.

I guess it's not the day care I'm concerned about, it's BM.  She needs to get over it!  Any advice for that?  :)  

[tigger]

(actually his wife) set the times in our CO as "at the end of school or if on a non-school day, 12 noon." this eliminates any control issue on the part of the custodial BM.  (Not that *I* had or have control issues.  This is what her ex husband did to her before he got custody and she wanted to do the same thing to me.  Didn't matter to me one way or the other.)

[Davy]

I would hope that Dad has the demeanor to appear for pick and politely let the day care acknowledge that the child is his child and he has overwhelming authority concerning the child.

One would assume it won't be the first or last time the daycare business has dealt with a similiar situation.  

One would also hope in this day and age that even the court would laugh the mother out of court should she complain.

[MixedBag]

I have to agree with Kitty -- in that if CP complains, it would make no sense.

BUT I also have to agree with Tigger.....and ran into something similar myself.

I would drive 12 hours to go pick up my son for the weekend.  Sometimes, I would get into town early and once or twice I would call dad and ask "Can I pick up our son from school?"

Answer:  NOPE.  He has to go home and change clothes and drop off his bookbag.

Can I pick up son as soon as he gets off the bus and changes clothes?

Answer:  NOPE.

Can I pick him up as he's not in school and there's a snowstorm starting?

Answer:  NOPE.

Dad would always say that our son NEEDED to go home and do something.  And SOMETHING was exactly what I was told.

So I'd ask son when he got in the car "So what did you do when you got home from school?"

Nothing.

Did you change clothes?

NO.

Then here comes the kicker -- "Your dad told me that you had to do something when you came home from school so we couldn't leave early, are you sure?"

"Mom, I didn't have to do anything."

And yes, we have a line in our decree that says our son can be with me "at other times as agreed upon by the parties."

I did not get support from the courts when I asked to change the order and pick up from school due to the stress involved and harrasment that occurred in picking up son from dad's house.  Our order defined the time and "that was it."

Good luck!!!

I'm with you -- dad should pick up at 1:30 -- particularly if he has to share in paying for daycare.

[Kitty C.]

........the BM in this case will pitch a fit regardless of what time Dad picks up the kids.  It really sounds like a control issue with the BM.  I agree that if this is professional daycare center, I'm sure that they have dealt with issues like this before.  I still would say go talk to them with the CO in hand and see what they say first.  I'd also be checking to see if the BM even notified this new daycare that Dad is allowed to pick up kids at all.  I bet not!

Personally, if all the OP is worried about is the reaction from the BM, I'd blow it off.  You have NO control how anyone reacts to you, you only have control over what YOU do.  And if she CHOOSES to get her panties in a bunch and go balllistic, that's HER CHOICE.  

Dealing with these issues over the past 10+ years has taught me a LOT about human nature.  I used to be worried and stressed about how others perceived me or reacted to me or what I'd done.  When I looked back and realized that I had done nothing wrong, I knew that it was THEIR problem to deal with, not mine!  You can't imagine how much stress and worry that alleviated!  So do what you KNOW is right, by your gut and whatever order you may have.  If someone has an issue with it, tell them they have to deal with it, it's not your problem.  If she thinks you're in the wrong for picking up the kids early at daycare, she can go to court and ask for clarification.  That ALSO means she will have to pay for the atty. and court fees as well.  If she wants to pay the price to 'try' to prove she's right, let her.

[tigger]

They had a copy of the papers that said, "At the end of school or 12 noon if a non school day."  I was puzzled that they would call me and asked if he seemed out of sorts or if something seemed "not right".  They said, "Well, he's agitated that we had to call you but he was fine before that."  Yeah, I bet telling him that he can't get the child without my permission would agitate him.  I told them that unless he showed up with a U-Haul and asked for transfer paperwork, they didn't need to call me.

[Stirling]

The BM hates her ex more than she loves her children.