QUESTION......What to do now?

[outsidelookingin]

  Okay.......the crap is starting up again,etc.

DH's yd called last night wanting to know if her dad was home yet. I told her "No, he was coming slowly off the hill at the base and would not be home for another 30 minutes or so."  I asked her if there was a phone number her dad could call her back at when he got to town or that I would have her dad stop by their house. SHe was calling to see about changing their night of visitation. She wanted to know if they could do it tomorrow (Wed) or Thursday. I told her I knew her dad had something he HAD to do on Wed. night. I didn't know about Thursday night. She just kind of said okay and hung up.

Now at 9:45 pm, BM calls and talks to DH. (She has just recently gotten a phone again.) She puts DH on the speaker phone so she can hear everything he says to the kids.  DH said he had stopped by the house and found no one home. Either BM or yd says" Well didn't she  (meaning me) tell you we weren't going to be home?" ( We had a snow storm last night here and people were advised to stay home all night.) SOmewhere along the line the excuse is given that I had told the ysd that dh had GONE to the base. Now DH has worked on base for the past FIVE YEARS!!! He had to creep home because of all the ice and snow.

So once again they are trying to blame me for  crap and to twist what I said. THe kids and BM did this at court last time.   So when DH got off the phone and he told me what had been said, I told him that the next time his kids call and he wasn't home, I wasn't going to answer the phone. I wasn't going to give them any more ammo then they already had. He seemed to understand.

Is this the right thing to do? BM and the kids twist everything I say.
What other options do I have?

[oklahoma]

I don't know if it's the right thing to do or not, but on occasion I have done the same thing.  (But I've never done it consistently.)  It's much easier to let them leave a voice mail.  If it's BM she usually won't leave a message--which is fine.  If it's SDs, Dad can hear their voices instead of mine.

[momof5]

If they keep mixing up your messages, it's better not to discuss plans with BM or SD.  I have tried like yourself, to help and messages get distorted.  It's better for your husband to make any plans.  JMO...  Good Luck!

[nosonew]

I tell the bm to call dh on his cell phone.  I prefer not to talk to her whether she twists things or not.  Nowadays she calls it first, then the home line.  Works for me.

[MixedBag]

Caller ID helps me out.

When I see that it's the EX and SS's phone number, I tell DH that the phone is for him and let him pick it up.  Usually, he's not home and I let the answering machine get it.  There is no need for me to pick it up and I've tried to stay out of the middle of it for the very reason you mentioned.

Heck, the other day I "stepped in it again" when MSD was put in the middle and I said to her while she was on the phone with her mom "MSD, get out of the middle."  Mom got mad because I said something and I should stay out -- and I got mad because MSD was getting sucked in again....so we (MSD and I) both agreed to do our best to stay out.  I should have waited until MSD was off the phone before saying anything.

Caller ID fixes that because I no longer answer the phone.

[MixedBag]

None of our EXs have our cell phone numbers and I highly caution against this.

On our plan, all incoming cell phone calls cost us money and come off our minutes.    It should be up to us how those minutes are used and made available to folks.  I remember one person whose EX basically used up the free 200 minutes easily every month and in every phone  call, the EX did nothing but yell.  At 40 cents a minute after the freebies, when you're footing the bill, this person put a stop to it by not giving the EX the number.  And to top it off, he only used it when she was at work so he was bothering her at work too.  Nope, won't happen here.

They know our home phone and that's enough.

[Leafypoint]

I have started carrying around a tape recorder whenever I have contact with my husband's ex-wife. For around $30.00, it's definately worth every penny. You can save yourself a LOT of hassle about the whole she said/she said thing, especially when it comes to court matters.
Another benefit is that if you decide to tell her that you will be recording everything that is said between you and her, it usually keeps the conversations to a minimum, and on a pretty civil level.